How do you find the words when the world, your world, is so overwhelming. And yet you can not even find the words to explain: “overwhelming.”

Feelings?

Words for those?

Pain. Panic. Wanting to cry. You get shaky. You feel like you are going to completely, mentally fall apart. And even physically? Like you might fall to the floor or ground?

Fear. For now. Right now. Something in “my world” isn’t right. Has my world changed or have I changed? Both? Or maybe…Words.

Before I said a diagnosis of Asperger’s wouldn’t matter. I was so casual and “Laissez-faire.” Well, a dx may not mean shit but living with it certainly does. As I may be finding out?

I was going to post something that I wrote earlier. Just pen to paper so just type it. Can do later? I’m trying hard now to “find my words.”

I went to the “job disability place” today and it took everything. Right outside the door when I left I thought I was going to totally lose it.

Get me home. Get me some beer. In fact, writing this now with a pint to calm myself down a bit? Pen to paper.

Okay, maybe getting some words out. And the MP3 post didn’t require many.

Someone else’s words maybe? Embrace the pain? Your pain? I don’t think I’m ready now. No. Asperger’s Assault?

Geek words? Immersed myself in research but as an adult, you know. If you know…you know. All the “kid/adolescent” stuff too. I Know. It fits. I’ve always known.

Another layer. My mistakes. Misunderstandings.

Me, adult, functioning but can be triggered. Found some good papers. Displays/supports varied presentations/arguments.

Okay, getting tired and more upset now.

If I’m not too responsive this is why. I’m not being rude or ignoring anyone.

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  1. Heh. Yeah, words for feelings… it’s a strange concept when you think about it ‘eh. Maybe even totally ridiculous much of the time.

    Words have their place, of course but sometimes they don’t feed your body/mind/spirit. They take something with them. Something it can feel like we really, really need…

    Like

  2. Hi Catatonic Kid…I’m trying to figure out what to say here… *rolls eyes* Sorry, couldn’t resist.

    Actually, I finally remembered the damn word that I was trying to put into a post somewhere about Asperger’s and the expression of feelings: Alexithymia!

    Good grief! I wanted to put a hammer to head it was driving me so nuts! Granted, anyone reading, Alexithymia exists on its own, just a large crossover with Asperger’s.

    So, there’s a prime example and I am just bbbbbbb… Massive overlap with Alex. and Asp. for me, I would say.

    And go figure there’s actually a bona fide “expression” to not being able to “express” how we feel!”

    Which brings me to my next point. The English language and its complexity and multitude of words itself.

    “Pick a card, any card…?”

    Then my card may not be your card? Or it’s missing from my deck? *laughing* Holy shit…PAs got more than one card missing from her deck!

    Your last point is interesting. Perhaps like there are some things that really are inexpressible anyway so what is the point? Sure, you can try but you’ll never get it “just” right–sometimes not even close?

    Like




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