Now fucking get a load of this “crap!” I’m getting all ready for bed last night and I go to the bathroom (as in use my goddamn toilet!) I flush and…huh? It’s all “wiggly” so you know, give it a bit of a shake because it’s just loose; the attachment to the flat fitting that drains the bowl and the tank.  It just needs a bit of “toggling” to reset itself.

Nope.

Now I’m no uber-handywoman but “toilet flushing issues” are relatively simple.  I heave off the back of the tank’s lid and what do I find? Well, well.  It’s a good thing that PA was blessed with a great, cast iron, bloody stomach! Holy barf-o-rama!

Alrighty-oh! Let’s dig right on in, there! And I forgot my spoon!!!

I grab this Whore of Hell, ancient chain that looks like it came from the Victorian Era and (yes, I did!!!) dove in full speed ahead and tried to figure out how to reattach it to the plastic drainer.  There was nothing to attach it to.  I swear.  Honest to, pick you fave deity of choix!

What.The.Fuck? Like, how in “Grand Toiletville” was it attached before? Victorian Era Magic? Because the whole disgust-o-rama tank looked like it hadn’t been cleaned since the Victorian Era either.

Oh, wait.  No indoor plumbing in the Victorian Era? Oh, wait–part two.  I was doing all of this forgetting that I do own a pair of rubber gloves. *PA smacks forehead* My hands were almost hypothermic!!!

But it get’s better.  The plastic tubes that refill the tank and bowl from the water supply? Victorian Era as well.  I accidentally “bumped” them.  Well, it was raining in my bathroom all over again just when my shower head went a couple of weeks ago!

FUCK ME!!! At least the water from my shower head was clean!!!

So, at this point, I’m a completely, soaking wet, filthpig and realize that my only recourse is to keep taking off the damn back of the tank and pull off the drainer every time I have to use my own, pay-loads-of-rent-for-my-shitbag-flat-can!

GRRR!!!

And because I am such a tenacious, little spaz (who finally remembered she has rubber gloves) I went back at it this morning.  Of course nothing had changed. *PA smacks forehead again*

And…of course a plumber is coming tomorrow and not today.  I am currently out working remotely, enjoying the pleasure of “public toilets.”  And may do so for as long as I “can?”

Postscript: I’ve been working through iTunes for a decent MP3 for this, so I give you “Do It Clean” by Echo & The Bunnymen. *laughing idiotically*

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  1. same thing here and adhd hubby had the same “it’s a flush how hard can it be” feeling. he also forgot the gloves and ended up in much the same condition. we also got the plumber out who fixed it, but need a new toilet

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  2. Hi araldia, too funny (well, that you guys had the same experience.) What can you say? Things break? I had a personal friend have a worse situation where he had to do all sorts of shit (haha.) Ugh.

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  3. Still waiting for it to be fixed.
    Superglue works till then :)

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  4. Hi Araldia. I thought it was done and over. Fixed! Oh, man. Please don’t tell me you’re going to have to build an outhouse in your backyard!

    Superglue!

    You know, I got a call from my useless landlords and they were all like, so they fixed the toilet… I said yes but didn’t mention that the plumber told me I/they need a new one. That’s not my problem!

    However, it’s constantly running water so their bill might be going through the roof!

    Or down the toilet…

    Sorry, I couldn’t resist even though I know that was terrible.

    And completely off topic, I should…erm…yes, blogroll you? I am so slow at that business. I have you Bookmarked but I have a poopy (haha more toilet “crap!”) wifi connection so I’ll have to do it later at home, I guess.

    Just so you know you’ll be on “my list!”

    Like




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