Hospitalization #7 – Part II – Uh Oh…PAs In Trouble…

June 17, 2009 in ADD, Asperger's, Bipolar Disorder, Cranky, Cutting, Facts About Patient Anonymous, Health, Hospitalizations, Life is Stranger Than Fiction, Medicine, Meds, Patient Advocacy, Seizures, Therapy

NOTE: All links to this series may be found at the end of these posts.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Actually, I got into trouble with my unstable, little mouth.  Well, WTF? I am in a Psych Ward for a reason and I’m not particularly patient after this many times to meekly answer their questions in a manner that only they wish to hear.

It’s like, do you want to know the answer or not? You are asking me why and fine, I may not be telling you as succinctly as you wish but I do have a point.  And if I am rambling, so what?

I’m in a fucking Psych Ward!

So, based upon that, this morning the Social Worker and I are not exactly the best of friends.  Oh, what completely did me in? The last nail in my coffin? A portion of what I said? “…and people with Asperger’s are blunt so you’ll just have to deal with it.” *PA shakes head* I believe that was taken somewhat out of context as, again, I wasn’t a trained monkey answering exactly as the Social Worker wished.

However, as a “stock phrase,” maybe I should work on the “…you’ll just have to deal with it.”  I could see how that might not ring so well in NT ears.  Perhaps: “… (so) that is just how they express themselves.”  Much better?

Anyway, my nurse today is good, patched it all up and after I “performed”as they wished, I completely fell apart.  Plus, for those of you that are concerned about the drinking, I said I did drink…too much? I can’t remember if I said I do self-medicate.  I’m pretty sure I told the Social Worker I did.  To excess? So, there you go.

They said that yes, a good place for me to hang out and try and get things in order–my entire plan! I felt like I was on trial awaiting a verdict! However, it is still morning and I’m still waiting…more “visitors!”

I have yet to see my inpatient psychiatrist, the pharmacist because apparently no one knows what Biphentin/Extended Release Methylphendidate is.  It’s the same thing as Concerta I keep repeating.  At one point, there was so much clusterfuckery, I was told before breakfast that they were going to send me home to get all of my meds! Bloody hell! Send me home??? Well, why not discharge me!!! And have a lawsuit on their hands if I suddenly top myself on they way? Kidding, but really now!

Now my nurse says she is going to see to getting me straight on my meds due to the Epilepsy.  Maybe grab me a Valium/Diazepam because I started sobbing in front of her and the Social Worker.

Fuck me.  And it’s not even close to lunch yet…

EDIT: My inpatient psychiatrist seems okay.  He’s sorted my meds and is going to give me regular Ritalin/Methylphenidate (i.e. not extended release.)  He agrees I am in crisis and can stay for a few days “and chill” as he said.  We’ll just see how it goes.  For this weekend, I should maybe get a pass.  I had plans I really wanted to do before I admitted myself.  Or I may be alright for a discharge?  Also, he offered some outpatient therapy–that I agreed to accept.  Also, I completely agreed to my drinking and self-medication to him.  So, there you go again.

EDIT: Uh Oh PA Again…

I have a killer headache, am totally nauseous, dehydrated and beyond exhaustion.  Caffeine withdrawal? Granted, it’s been quite a day as I’ve already sobbed twice (again with the psychiatrist) and have only just had lunch.

I have had no tea in a while, thus the caffeine issue?

Although, it is incredibly dry in here, maybe the food is doing me in and perhaps my head is just going to explode for fun.  So, it may have nothing to do with losing my dear tea at all.  They gave me my Valium by the way but oops! I brought my own! Bad, bad PA!

For those of you that have never been admitted to a Psych Ward, the initial step is a complete inspection of any and all items you bring.  However, they don’t touch them.  You just haul everything out.  I guess I forgot about the Valium. *laughing* They will hang on to any “contraband” items.  Usually razors or any other sharps, cigarettes and lighters (although, later I was allowed to keep my cigarettes and lighter as I was being a trustworthy patient.)

Alright, time to fall onto/into my incredibly, uncomfortable bed and try to read? I don’t think I can handle any music on my iPod.  When I am severely depressed I can not listen to music at all.  Hey, maybe I’ll even be able to have a daytime nap that I can never do!

FURTHER EDIT: 1700hrs.  Just dashed out for a cigarette and on the way back in, grabbed some caffeine and a copy of Scientific American Mind.  Also, I have just taken my first dose of the Ritalin.  Maybe I’ll start to come around a bit now? *Dopey PA chugs Diet Pepsi and rolls eyes*

Hospitalization #7 – I – Getting Well