What Do I Say Here? Well, Start With Taking My Own Advice?

I need help.  No, I need some serious, professional help.  I wish I could just run into Merlin #2’s arms right now, crying like a little child but he’s away until July 09.  I need to try to get an appt. with my GP.  I don’t know how quickly I could sob my way into her loving arms as well.

I have been deliberately staying away from my blog (other than a quick check for any comments so as not to be rude.)  Writing about the hospital stay was easy as I had already done it all while I was there–granted, it still brought back such “happy memories.”  Still, apart from that blast last night/early morning, I haven’t seen much point in blogging.  Or anything, really.

I had mentioned spending one of those “can not move from the bed depression” days.  That was last Thursday.  Then a little more than 24 hours later I am pissed off completely (not at all like me?!) at such things I could not even mention here! What? Well, I think I know what.  I’m probably triggery as all hell, now? I’m pretty, bloody fragile?

Now, I am back to the bowels of the building of depression.  Although, not caring or having the energy to get out.  I don’t think I’m cycling but I’ll have to keep watch, I guess.  I don’t even care about that and you all know how hyper-vigilant PA is about monitoring her mental health!

So, that is one reason I decided to stop blogging…for a bit? Who wants to listen to the same drivel from a semi-suicidal, PA! Semi-suicidal? How to explain that one.  Not that I’m going to just throw myself under a train tomorrow but let’s just say when it gets this bad, the mind does start to wander…

Reason number two? I’m such a mess, despite the above, writing anything else? “Sane Face Blogging?” Or even just trying to “deviate” from my mental state? I have one prior post that I had made up before I went into hospital but I don’t even care about that.  I am spending most of my days nearly paralytic mentally and physically.

I don’t care about anything.  There you go.  Depression in its true essence and all its glory.

So, taking my own advice? Stop deluding yourself, PA, into thinking that “everything’s fine” and “you can handle it.”  Just move along and get back into the swing of things, just like that! *PA snaps fingers*

PA is always telling people that when they need help, go and get it.  Get it as soon as possible! I suck so much at therapy and all of that but I’m in a real hole.  I can’t get out of it without professional assistance.

If I had the resilience I’ve had in the past at times and maybe if circumstances were different–I wouldn’t even be writing this post right now.

  1. Hi there PA…

    I’ve been reading your blog with interest for a while now. I wonder if you’d be interested in opening a dialogue with me over email. I specialize in working with young people with mental health challenges, and I’d be very interested to delve a little deeper into this with you.

    Specifically I’m interested in whether or not you will find it valuable to help me better understand how to kick ass working with other young people.

    I’m not going to suggest that we do any form of therapy whatsoever. Just information share :) Mull it over and let me know what you think. You can use an anonymous email address or whatever you feel is appropriate.

    Email address is up there, ^ as are my website URL and twitter details.


  2. Hi Rich, welcome and well, “…reading your blog with interest for a while now.” Thank you. I am very flattered.

    Also, I haven’t had a comment in “a while now,” so maybe you help me “kick ass” with myself to get me to start writing again.

    Well, my calendar says only one day but the post was two days after I said I didn’t know what the hell I was doing and deliberately staying away and…if you have been reading you know the score.

    I am even more flattered by your “proposition,” so to speak. I’m not sure what to say! Other than, at this point, I definitely admire you for considering what you wish to do. It is very important and that sort of thing needs to be done! And as I am sure you already know, I am a serious “Stigma Buster!”

    Yes, I am open to talking and indeed, therapy is OUT! Well, I have checked your blog and a) I see it is new and b) there is no About page. Therefore, I am assuming you are not a professional. I could be wrong though, as based upon your comment, you do say that you work with young people with mental health challenges. I just don’t know exactly what you do. However, as you know, I am not a professional.

    Nonetheless, I am curious and I will email you from my blog address and we can discuss things further? I’m not sure if you just want to talk or if you are looking at a collaborative initiative but again, we will discuss.

    Take care,


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