Sorry, rather obscene and grandiose but ’tis true.  And despite all of the triggers and what not that made me a hot iron in the fire last night…well, I would have been a wreck seeing them both today anyway.  And I did get two hours of sleep, by the way.  However, that is inconsequential to the matter as well.

You see, when I was drafting up my notes, long before, I was already in tears.  I was then a mess before and I knew today would be disastrous.  Did anything from last night that went awry contribute further? Does it matter? Irrelevant!

I know I have been blogging all about what has happened and you may be getting tired of it but all I have to day is: “How can one man measure another’s pain?”

That may sound harsh, yes I am tired, yet I still think it stands true.  I am still reeling from everything I went through.  If you don’t wish to read anymore about it, that is your choice.  I know this is not the “regular PA” that you are probably used to hearing from or reading but tonight, this is what she is saying and writing.

Now, on with the show.

My GP was very attentive but there were too many question marks hanging in the air (and still are) since I had to see Merlin #2 later in the afternoon.  Therefore, she and I just reviewed and I am left to keep her up to date on…???…yes, those little things floating all around.  When seeing her, I cried my eyes out.  She calmed me down.

Merlin #2.  I did not cry with him.  No, I was total Aspie Girl.  Here, we needed to try and capture some of those, “floaty things?”  Although, first, I made some lame joke about “facing my accuser in court.”  That would be: did my file arrive from hospital? Well, no.  Let’s try and get the damn thing here and everything else with my authorization as I feel like a celebrity signing off for this and that…  Merlin #2 said that we would review it together when it arrives.

Bless.

He is extremely worried about me.  He is more worried about me than I am worried about me.  I think he even used the word, “scared.”  Or was it, “frightened?” Either way…yes, he cares and yes, I am fucked.  This was a shocker that almost brought an expression to my Flat-Aspie-Face!

Ding! Med Change! I am taking 150mg of Seroquel/Quetiapine at night to sleep.  Merlin #2 was so freaked out, that we are now moving on to 300mg of said Atypical Antipsychotic…although XR.  I see.  Now, even though “The Brain Has Left The Station” and Dr. PA is still standing on the platform, she’s still done her research.  Or enough of it that she needs to do–by bedtime?

This might be interesting.

It could be a pretty high ramp but considering how freaked out Merlin #2 was, fine.  He is a very smart man and I trust him.  I have done what might be considered “unorthodox” titrations with Merlin #1 in the past with my Anticonvulsants but with my Antipsychotics?

Drug vs. Placebo? What to look out for? My mouth could be dry as a desert, I could be sleepy and dopey as all hell, Orthostatic Hypotension and dizziness…motor functions out the window.  Cognitive impairment.  Minor reference to lowering seizure threshold but again…I’m having enough of them anyway. *rolls eyes* Seriously, though.  I am not taking any of this lightly.  Plus, I am already on the drug and these may only be short term adjustment issues–and I may not experience all of them.  However, I suspect I’ll hit several on the list (don’t worry folks, not the seizure one.)  I’ll just be a total zombie for a bit? Also, I know when to get help if I need it and start going all wingy!

The rest? Trying to find some kind of “therapy” for me? Merlin #2 doesn’t do it but wants to keep seeing me weekly or so to make sure I’m still on the planet.  Dr. PA is still trying to work out some options there…still researching…still waiting on the platform…for the next train? I mean…brain?

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