Archive for July 16th, 2009


Let’s start with the Deities and then move on to the Demons, shall we?

I saw Merlin #2 a few days ago.  We had a relatively short appt.  Initially, we talked about the change to my new 300mg of Seroquel/Quetiapine XR, side effects that I have already blogged about and my mood(s.)  I said on that day, I was feeling rather anxious.  I still am and you’re about to find out why!

I have an appt. with my hopefully, “non-arsey” new neuro at the end of August.  Go Merlin #2 for a fast referral! I think this is a pretty good “non-arsey” sign.  I had to wait months and months for anything with (ex-) Arsey Neuro (yes, he deserves caps as an address and an underscore too.)  And a big neon sign as well.

Leaving Merlin #2 (after the Demons…) he did do something that made me laugh a bit.  Again, bless him.  I was ranting about the stoopid guvmunt re: my meds.  I am still paying out of pocket, the costs are astronomical…ugh.  I should have been reimbursed by now for exceeding my co-pay! Where’s my money??? He asked me if I wanted some samples of the Seroquel XR.  Yeah, Baby! Yeah!

He grabbed two, tiny bottles with four pills in each of them.  Then he looked at the cardboard box that housed them, shrugged and said: “Ah, may as well just empty it.”  Too funny, huh? I had a script due to fill that day for two weeks (14 pills) and in total, he gave me 20 free ones! W00t!

The Demons? My file arrived from my hospital stay.  We hadn’t the time to barely touch it but this may be “enough?” And yes, as I wrote before while blogging about my stay, it had everything to do with me having Asperger’s. *PA closes eyes and tries not to lose it.*

I can’t exactly remember the brief comment they wrote in my file regarding their lovely judgment, as I was too busy fantasizing about homicide.  I can’t even find it in Google so what on earth?! Thus, I can’t even give you a proper definition.  Something about “Secondary/Secondarily Leading/Leaning?” I had to ask Merlin #2 what that was as I had never heard the term before.

He said to me verbatim: “You wanted them to baby you.”

CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THAT???

I sat momentarily stunned.  Then I felt my temperature begin to rise.  After that, I can’t even remember what profanity laced expletives flew out of my mouth!

I told you they were evil! I told you how traumatic the whole, bloody experience was for me and Merlin #2 agrees.  When I said so after hearing that unbelievable gem, he said, “Yes, we have a lot of work to do here.”  At least he cares and isn’t like those asshole, cock…

I mean, I knew they were going to say some bad shit in my file but I never expected something like that! Yes, folks.  You heard it right.  I admitted myself to hospital “to be infantalised!” However, not before they agreed I was in crisis, you see.  Within four fucking days I went from being in crisis to somehow wanting to manipulate them to put me in diapers and spoon feed me!

Holy shit.  What next? Do they think all cutters cut because of: “Attention Seeking Behaviour?” What other ideas or notions, pre-conceived or not, are they willing to throw at any other patients from their Ivory Tower?

Burn in hell you bastards and bitches! And continue burning in a severe amount of pain because I am too–the pain that you so generously bestowed upon me.

I’ll decide if you can leave the fiery depths when I move on from this.  Which I eventually will do–move on.  Wait.  Decision already made.  You can stay there for eternity.