That’s just it for now.

I always care.

Now, I’m numb.

The tap is dry.

My echoes of care aren’t even heard anymore.

To myself or others.

Now, I am numb.

That’s just it for now.


  1. PA, let it be known that myself and others care for you.

    More practically, it could be a side effect and pass.


    Please send me an e. if you have anything you want to talk about, and take care of your fine self. :)


  2. Hi Asdquefty. I was actually going to take this post down today when I logged on as I didn’t want any readers to think I:

    “…wanted to be babied.”


    “…wanted to be infantalised.”

    Ha, ha, fucking, ha, ha.

    However, thank you so much for the comment. It really means a lot. I am feeling pretty lonely these days. I will say that.

    This post was probably the result of a “garden variety” Asperger’s meltdown? Plus, the hospital stuff, all of the other mounting pressures etc…

    I was “introduced,” on-the-damn-spot, to a man who was friends with a man I mentioned in a story I wrote. The man was anonymous as unfortunately I never knew who he was. He had helped me, along with others that I did know but this man was a stranger.

    This was in the winter and both of us had always been thinking of each other in our own minds. I know. How sweet, huh?

    So, I had enough time to dash home and get the article and bring it to this man. We sat together and talked and then we actually started arguing about things! OMG!

    I was totally feeling all fritzy and spazzy before meeting him in the first place! Then arguing over issues afterward???

    So I came home as soon as I could politely excuse myself and then had a freak out! See above!

    I don’t particularly like it when I have these freak outs on my blog but I suppose everyone knows I’m already insane by now, anyway. Also, I live alone so I don’t have any “personal” sounding boards. At times, I can only rant and scream to the blogosphere or the Internet as a whole!

    Oh, and speaking of “freak outs,” J. is pissed off as I said I would come for dinner today. Well, they’re having this massive music festival where I live, I hate it, huge crowds and bands everywhere (playing shite music!) It’s so loud and way too much, I just hole up in my flat for the entire weekend that it runs!

    I forgot about it and also, I’m depressed as all fuck. Well, apparently neither of those things seem to matter (he has depression issues and worse social anxiety than me!) So, now he’s upset with me.

    He’ll get over it but not the kind of thing I want to deal with, hear etc… right now. I’m not exactly stable so you don’t have to make me feel like shit, because I already feel like shit, even for things that are beyond my control. Even if I was stable, still not good to hear!

    Gee, you just got a blog post there! My fault. No tea yet. Just got out of bed for the most part. And debating crawling back into it! However, finally got ‘Green Wing’ to download after days and days. Maybe just lie in bed, watch it on baby MacBook and settle in for some good Brit. humour? Maybe?

    Feeling like poo really feels like poo! (OMG I am so stupid!) *laughing*

    Hey, maybe they really did “baby me” in hospital and I’m regressing in age somehow. Heaven help my readers if I start blogging in “baby talk” like the above! Well, it would prove the evil hospital’s “success” with their bullshit “infantalisation theory!!!”

    Anyway, thanks so much hon’.


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