Archive for July 20th, 2009

Yes, screaming, exclamation points, bold font! This is not good.  The “Mandatory Four Hours Until Sleep Marathons” appear to have been just the beginning.  This med is almost working in reverse! And not in a good way! I called Merlin #2 earlier as I had to book an appt. with him anyway but oh my fucking…  What the hell? Reverse, indeed! And more!

Dammit! This all happened after I called him! I was alright getting up this morning and then a wave of the “spaced out” side effect just hit! Wait a sec’.  I’m over and done with that! *PA reaches for bottle of water* Yep.  Dry mouth.  That was basically gone too! Now, it’s back as well! The “more?” This is the not good stuff!

Apart from feeling totally spinny.  I’m completely anxious too and I also have the lovely combined feeling of everything racing like crazy as if I was a Human Stock Car.  Or maybe a Formula One? That’s not the only thing that’s clipping along at a wonderful pace, though.  My resting pulse seems to be running between 100-120bpm.  Either the drug or the anxiety or both? Either way, an equation of sorts as everything seems to be all wrapped up together with a pretty little bow from AstraZeneca!

I never experienced any of these problems with my “non-extended release” Seroquel/Quetiapine.

Oh…yes, the resting pulse? Perhaps not too much of an issue but Tachycardia? A minor mention of a side effect above 120bpm.  I see.  An adult’s cut off for resting pulse bpm is 100.  Perhaps, provided they aren’t some uber-athlete.  I’m not “uber-athlete” so a bit above and Tach. is…well…  I suppose it depends how far they are willing to take it beyond the 100bpm mark.  However, definitely above the 120bpm? Regardless, I can’t be dealing with all of this! Most especially feeling all speedy and what not!

*PA thinks of continuing med and treading near Bipolar’s edge* Unless she’s already there!!!

I don’t know if Merlin #2 will call me back.  The receptionist wasn’t there so I left the best VM that I could.  It is NOT a good idea to play with your meds, people.  I always say that but my appt. is not until Thursday! Three more days of feeling like this? Or getting worse? Yes, I am thinking of just going back to where I was before we made this change–my regular Seroquel.

I mean, bloody hell! I’m not going to go the ER! Just to say I want a med change that I know can be done like that? *PA snaps fingers* ‘Geez’.  Wait how many hours to speak to the on call psych when I have Merlin #2? It’s also a drain on the system.  This doesn’t require a hospital! It is just that these side effects are BAD and I damn well know it! Especially since the new ones today are enough to fucking pull the drug immediately!

So which is more irresponsible of me? Go back to what didn’t give me problems or stay on something that has the potential to…? Who knows where it might take me but I don’t want to find out! Believe me, I do agree with my own advice but this is dire…

Well, a Walk-In to see someone? If they’re open? A good option for all of us?

*PA tries to remember if GP works on Mondays*

W00t! GP is at work and her receptionist managed to understand PA with her unbelievable “pressured speech!” If you don’t know that term, typical for someone with Bipolar when they are (hypo)manic! So, phone number given, as GP said call if anything emergent comes up! I think this qualifies??? Okay, Dr. PA is no longer being hypocritical or irresponsible as she is going to bet GP will say, “Yank that thing and go back to what you were doing before!”

God, I was bemoaning about how crappy I feel these days and just wanting to get on a plane and go anywhere! Staying on this might just make me do it! Run off to the airport, buy a ticket to who knows where, with only a toothbrush and my credit cards! Shit, I’m so out of it, I’d probably forget my meds! Exactly.  Only a toothbrush.  Hell, I might just skip that too!

*PA stares at phone*

Oh, come on! The office is closed by now.  I’ve been sitting here for hours!

W00t! Of course, GP totally agreed with me.  And not that I needed to mention this to her but off I head to take a Valium/Diazepam to try and calm myself down!

Apologies for the state of this email, everyone.  I hope it didn’t annoy you too much but I’m a little out of my head.  If you couldn’t tell already.