I’d say “The Morning After” as in the typified, hangover idiom but no, my “Cutting Hangovers” are always in the afternoon.  There are several reasons for this.

95% of my cuttings are done at god knows what hour of the early mornings so, well…I guess you could literally say there is no “Morning After.”  It’s “Morning During.”  Even still, if I were to cut at the strike of midnight and then jump right into bed immediately, I just wouldn’t wake up before noon.

Well, I might? I probably would, actually.  I just wouldn’t get out of bed.  I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed.  Oh, no…I’d be weighted deep down in thick, dark, gooey layers of Depression.  Forget it.

Various shades of afternoon would eventually follow, maybe a phone would ring or something but that would definitely be ignored.  However, unortunately I would have to get up at some point.

You know, no matter how hard I keep trying, I am not completely a corpse yet.  My marks at “The Human Corpse Collegiate” aren’t exactly as good as they should be, thus negating me the luxury of being almost a perpetually, sleeping, human being.  Some students do it and still attend classes!

Boy, will I miss them after graduation! So will their parents.

So, yes.  These are my hardest times after my cuttings.  “The Afternoon Afters.”  When you wake up with…well, perhaps more of a clear head? That could be a really big “perhaps,” though.  You could still be dissociating a bit (if you were before.)  Yes, the depression.  The guilt and as I specifically mentioned shame in my previous post.

You may still feel like your whole world is crashing down all around you.  You may feel ghosts (or former graduates from the Collegiate?) are coming back to haunt you and you wish they’d leave you alone–or at least sit down for tea, goddamn it and fucking talk to you for a change!

I could probably ramble on here and say more things and you could probably add more yourselves? And this isn’t exclusive to Cutting either.  It could be for any kind of Self Harm.  Hell, you may even be able to take it so far that it could apply to any problem that occurs with whatever form of mentalness you have when a supreme flip out happens.

Even though Dr. PA is terrible at following her how advice, definitely for “The Morning After,” “The Afternoon After,” just “The Entire Day After,” lots of rest!

If you still just want to sleep, that’s okay.  If you are awake, do something or do nothing.  Cry and sob or just sit there like a vegetable.  Eat if you can.  If not, drink water or anything else (non-alcoholic is generally preferable…)

If one day of this isn’t enough, it’s alright.  You’ve been through some heavy shit.  Dr. PA knows.  Just take your time and keep resting.  You’ll be back on your feet in no time.

NOTE: If any of this is kind of off in grammar, punctuation etc…  Well, it’s my “Afternoon After” and I’m kind of off in some part of Dissociation Land.  I think.

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  1. Ari

    The “Afternoon After”, never a good thing. I hope you are feeling better by the time you read this comment. Hugs!

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  2. Hi Ari. Thank you sweetie and for the hugs, too.

    I don’t know how this ranks but I had to make a third pint of tea (yes, I drink that much of it) and take a Valium before I even logged on to my gmail account! *PA manages a grin and a bit of a laugh*

    Would there be some emails there? Nothing there? Which would be better or worse?

    I am pissed off! I like to take all of my dx’s in stride as I’ve them for so bloody long but I take my relapses VERY, VERY HARD! Am I screaming or is that for emphasis? Perhaps, both.

    I was already frustrated with my life enough before and now this? Prime, fucking bullshit! At this point, I just want to push back even harder to get well! I don’t even know if that is possible! Push yourself to get well? *rolls eyes*

    Still, this is too much. What the hell am I doing here?

    Something’s got to change and I’m the only one that has the “power” to do it. I have to somehow get my damn life (back) together.

    Thanks again, love.

    x

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  3. lili

    If anyone can summon the power it’s you. I have total faith in you.

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  4. Ah, lili. Thanks to you too. *PA tries to summon power!*

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  5. Ari

    Setbacks are part of the journey. I wants saw this “map” to stability for mental illness, and it was full of detours and stops. Plenty of hills and dark forests. I thought it was a great visual. Very few journeys are smooth and easy. Don’t beat yourself up to badly. I know you have the power to get right back on that horse. (Okay, now I’m mixing metaphors…I hope I’m making sense).

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  6. lili

    Just…one..more..pot…of..tea….

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  7. Hi Ari. Don’t worry. You always make sense. At least to me! Oh, and by the way, I always meant to tell you that what you wrote on your Blog Header “cracks me up” as well! No, when I first read it, I was laughing so hard!

    OMG. A “map” to “stability!” I can’t even imagine what the hell that would look like! I’m trying to visualize one now and all I see is one big, big…no, huge black scribble on a piece of paper!

    Thank you as well for telling me to not beat myself up too much. However, I have written on my blog many times that I have elevated self-flagellation to “High Art.” It is simply (or not so simply) ingrained.

    Alas.

    No, no. The horse is always stated. I’ve said it a lot before, too. That’s just what you do. Climb back up into the saddle and what not. Except for the ones that gave us so much trouble, right? Threw me off and almost trampled me. Then the one that almost decapitated you?

    Although, perhaps that’s an even better way to put it! *rolls eyes and smirks*

    x

    Hi lili. Yes, tempted for more but it’s later on so I’ll just stick to my water for now.

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  8. Ari

    I’m glad someone else got the humor in my blog title!

    Yes, getting back on the horse can be quite dangerous. Sometimes you get back on and think, “what the hell was I thinking!” Like when they try to decapitate you. lol.

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  9. Hi Ari. Well, I think we share perhaps a certain inane sense of humour? Mine is completely off the wall.

    I’m glad you remembered the horse thing. Sometimes I don’t even need a damn horse to ask myself: “What the hell was I thinking?”

    A lot of times, that’s a daily question…

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