*PA wants to cry* Well, I don’t know…I guess it’s good but…AHHH! Alright, Valium/Diazepam, cigarette…be right back! Okay, back now! Still spinning like a top but the Valium should hit me soon.

I was busy working on my massive, seizure hx. file for my new Neuro and guess who just called me after three months!!! The “job disability place” that I had been working with and having great success along the way with, until…  I don’t know what the hell kind of “changes” or “reorganization” they were going through there but…  I completely fell off their radar.  It didn’t matter so much though as I was too busy falling off my own radar!

The woman wanted to set up an appt.  Eek! At first, I said yes.  But she thought I was a “new client.”  I said, no…I’ve been waiting for three months for you to get back to me.  Then, I got all flustered and woozy and oh, my head! I was stumbling all over in the conversation, repeating myself and sounding so much like the crazy, lunatic that I am!

I ‘fessed up.  Even about the damn hospitalization! I didn’t need to fucking tell them that! I don’t know…  I was too freaked out and didn’t know what to tell them!

All I did know was that Merlin #2 would have had just as big of a shit fit like I was having on the phone right at that moment.  He says I’m not “Employment Ready.”  I know I’m not “Employment Ready.”  I explained everything, so when all of my “boo boo’s” have been healed and kissed better, I need a letter or something from Merlin #2 and then can go back to them.  At least I can go back.


I feel like I’m going to barf.

When I was last working with them three months ago, they were actively searching for jobs for me.


  1. findingmecrazy

    Aw that sucks, but I guess if Merlin 2 doesn’t think you’re ready then you’re maybe not ready. Can you manage without a job or do you really need one right now?

    Don’t worry about messing up on the phone, everyone gets confused when people start asking questions about something they haven’t prepared. If I don’t mentally prepare myself before I talk to job people or medical people I’m all over the place! Hope you’re no longer spinning like a top! xx


  2. Hi findingmecrazy. Thank you sweetie.

    Well, it’s definitely a bit of a balancing act right now, both mentally and financially. That’s not so much fun and adds to the stress. People keep telling me (not those that are close or my medical folks) not to worry about it and…

    But please! How can I not worry!

    Yes, getting all flustered on the phone when you’re not expecting something and…ACK!

    I find I do have to prepare a lot as well, definitely!

    Well, I think I will always be spinning like a top. It just depends upon the rate of speed?

    And thanks for trying to indulge me, cutie.




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