I tried to write this up last night because I was concerned about any sort of post-“ick”tal© amnesia but I think I’ve got all of the events in order.

I was on the way home from J.’s last night after dinner.  It had been a very stressful day (if you don’t know from my steady increase in seizures and also their changes in type–I say stress!) A lot of other people agree with me as none of this business was happening before I was laid off from my job.

Anyway,  I was fine for about 2/3 of the trip home and then, here we go with (more or less) the same pattern of late.  Rapid eye blinking, eyes rolling a bit and then complete loss of vision.  After that, though, I sort of just fell over on my right side (I was sitting.)  I just felt like I couldn’t support myself.  Was it a very brief Atonic Seizure (you lose consciousness but only for a few seconds with Atonic Seizures) and I was all freakin’ blind and WTF? So, an Atonic after the Simple Partial Seizure with the vision loss? Was I just “too exhausted?” To me, the latter doesn’t make any sense! No matter how tired I would ever be, I would never just “crash out” on public transit! I mean, can you say rude? Embarrassment???

And speaking of rudeness and embarrassment, this guy just kept staring at me while all of this was going on.  I showed him my Medic-Alert Bracelet but apparently, that wasn’t enough for him to move along and find the next “Freak Show.”  Not that I was exactly “embarrassed,” per se…oh, I don’t know! It can definitely be embarrassing to seize in public.  I probably was embarrassed.  Yes.  However, I do know that I was getting more and more pissed off with him by the time I finished seizing!

Idiot fuckwad.

Once I got off at my last transfer, out came that post-“ick”tal© emotion! Yes, people can be in various emotional states after they seize.  I was crying, I was so angry.   I’m not sure why.  Because of idiot fuckwad? Because I’ve been working on my seizure file and have now had another one–plus, it’s the same pattern of late–I KEEP GOING BLIND!!! Maybe it was just the plain fact of post-“ick”tal© emotion that…well, just “happens.”

I was also pretty out of it post-“ick”tally© too! I missed my own stop and had to get off at the next one to walk home.  That’s pretty screwy! When I finally got home, I felt like how I would feel post-“ick”tally© the next day after having a seizure.  My ANS was screwed, my emotions were screwed.  I wondered whether or not I would end up post-“ick”tal© when I woke up.

Well? Today I guess I would have to say yes.  At least a bit.  Not the worst ever but a bit.  Typical ANS issues: My eyes are sensitive to light and feeling all wonky, tummy upset, dizzy and unsteady, headachy, clumsy (i.e. having problems typing this now.)  I guess that’s it.  Typical for the mental as well? Cognitive impairment (pretty bad today!) So bad that I can’t tell how my mood is! I usually get depressed and anxious when post-“ick”tal.©  I’m too out of it to tell but maybe some anxiety.  That is why I have a classical music station on (…very quietly…)  I was thinking that might mellow me out?

EDIT: I started composing this earlier but J. came by to see how I was doing.  I started to feel just a wee bit better so we hung out for a bit and went for ice cream.  I’m still feeling pretty spaced out and tired but since I did manage to make it out of the house, hopefully things may pass and be over by tomorrow.  We’ll see.

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  1. Ari

    That guy on the bus…what a jerk!

    I do hope you feel better thought.

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  2. Hi Ari. I know. He was so irritating but I’m kind of thinking now, maybe he had some kind of “disability” himself. It could have been like, “Freak Show Ping Pong” or something. *laughing*

    ASIDE: Folks that do not know me or are new to this blog, please take note of the fact that I use sarcasm, self-deprecation and various other forms of humour, language etc… that may not always seem “Politically Correct.”

    I just have that kind of warped and twisted sense of humour. I was born that way.

    END OF ASIDE

    Thanks though, Ari. I was feeling kind of icky-poo yesterday and I’ve just gotten up, no tea, all of that jazz so we’ll see what the day has to offer. I have a lot of stuff to do as well as per my next post!

    EDIT: I think I may feel some icky-poo-ness. My eyes are getting spazzy looking at baby MacBook’s screen. I think I need some tea. *sigh*

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  3. Lili

    The guy on the bus..(Lilis anger issues will remain quiet). I hope you feel less icky poo soon. Get some rest if you can even if it’s a little bit.

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  4. Hi Lili. Trying to keep the anger management in check? Thanks. I appreciate your protection. *grin*

    Speaking of “Anger Management,” that’s the name of one of several new Playlists I am currently creating! I think you can guess the sort of “genre” that is/will be in it?

    Yes, more resting today, I guess. I need to do some laundry, though. Debating about letting that one wait. Jury’s still deliberating. And my Playlists. I think I’m somewhere around “N” in my iTunes Library.

    No doubt I’m missing some good stuff as I’m going through and not catching things as my head is still messy but my “Playlists” are getting huge! They’re become bloody “libraries,” themselves! *rolls eyes*

    I think they’re totally disorganized too. PA the DJ will have to mix them properly. For now I’m just setting them up? Oh god, I don’t know!

    Also, still have to concentrate on packing and organizing. Post for today, I guess.

    Right now? Priority Number One? Get some damn tea into my system!!! Obviously I need it as I’m writing today’s damn post in my comment section…AGAIN! *PA bangs head against keyboard*

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  5. Lili

    Lol headbanging music…

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  6. Hi Lili. Yep. Loud, screaming, near-Satanic-sounding stuff. Some people would think that counterintuitive when you’re all ticked off and frustrated but not me. When at that point, nothing “calm” or “soothing.”

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  7. Ari

    “*PA bangs head against keyboard*”

    Please refer to my most recent post on my blog.

    Like

  8. Hi Ari…speaking of more head banging, I’ve gotten a little out of control with more Playlists. Maybe a bit too much ADD Hyperfocusing going on. My head is starting to actually hurt, I think.

    I’ll go have a peek at your post.

    Like




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