How Communication Can Actually Be Painful

August 25, 2009 in ADD, Asperger's, Bipolar Disorder, BPD, Cutting, Facts About Patient Anonymous, Health, Hospitalizations, Medicine, Neat Neuro Stuff, Patient Advocacy, PTSD and Dissociative Disorders, Seizures, Self Medication, Spock, Therapy, You Decide

To begin with, it is one thing not to be able to, or have difficulty at times, verbally expressing how you feel.  There is a term for it called Alexithymia.  According to the Wiki link, it is a “personality trait.”  However, since it can affect so many people in, shall we say, a “broad spectrum” it is making me think of the word “antibiotic.”  An “antiverbalotic?” Therefore, I am renaming it as a “psychological phenomenon.”  For some reason, I’ve always had “a thing” with “traits” and “characteristics,” but that is just me.

It is notably found in people with Asperger’s and others on the Spectrum.  However, as above, we on the Spectrum are not the only folks that can fly the Alexithymia Flag.  Although, I know I have been waving it as a huge banner all of my life.

I even brought it up with a therapist several years ago and she dismissed it like a dust bunny in the corner of her office.  I would have persisted but you see, I couldn’t express how I felt! *wry grin*

She was an idiot, anyway.  In more ways than one.

I know for me, I have found myself in a position many times where I have made proclamations about the situation, rather than the self.

Here is a snippet from the Wiki link:

According to Henry Krystal, individuals suffering from alexithymia think in an operative way and may appear to be superadjusted to reality.

A very simplistic example of this would be:

Q: So, how does that (x event that has caused me distress) make you feel, PA?

A: Man, it really sucks.

NOTE: There is no personal reference to me or to the self.  There is no: “…I am so…it makes me so…oh, boo hoo…my heart is breaking into shards…etc…”  I said “it,” meaning the situation sucks.  I think you get it.

Or, an even more complex or detailed example? How did I blog about my last hospitalization where they treated me so horribly and one would think I should have been bleeding all over the screen? No.  If memory serves, I wrote in a completely detached manner, like a news reporter, except for using a boatload of profanity not found in mainstream media?

Here’s another snippet from the Wiki link and it may show how I always joke that Aspies and HFA’s etc… may not do so well in therapy.  It is similar to they way I blogged about my hospital stay.  Also, I think I can really do this too! My blog is probably littered with posts like these; I am pretty sure I talk like this…

In psychotherapy, however, a cognitive disturbance becomes apparent as the patients tends to recount trivial, chronologically ordered actions, reactions, and events of daily life with monotonous detail.

I also use a lot of “logic” to deal with my emotions.  I think we all can “understand” (even logically) that doesn’t work.  However, that hardly stops me from doing it! Much less to an extreme degree!

Another snippet from some ways of manifestation of Alexithymia, and it displays what I have described of myself above:

and concrete, realistic, logical thinking, often to the exclusion of emotional responses to problems.

So, what does that mean, then? I am trying to be some kind of robot? Well, as much as I may like to try, but let’s not take this Alexithymia business too far.  In fact, it can be very frustrating! Hey.  Did you just read that? A word that was (or representative of) a feeling! Plus the above: “…often to the exclusion of emotional responses to problems.”

Now that is where some pain can enter the picture!   That is, if the pain of it all hasn’t hit you already! It is not like people with Alexithymia are just floating around, oblivious to all feelings and emotions exactly like robots! No, not at all!

Another snippet:

A common misconception about alexithymia is that affected individuals are totally unable to express emotions verbally and that they may even fail to acknowledge that they experience emotions. Even before coining the term, Sifneos (1967) noted patients often mentioned things like anxiety or depression. The distinguishing factor was their inability to elaborate beyond a few limited adjectives such as “happy” or “unhappy” when describing these feelings.^[19] The core issue is that alexithymics have poorly differentiated emotions limiting their ability to distinguish and describe them to others.^[1] This contributes to the sense of emotional detachment from themselves and difficulty connecting with others, making alexithymia negatively associated with life satisfaction even when depression and other confounding factors are controlled for.^[20]

Some of that may be rather “brushstroke” in interpretive value, as we are all individuals.  However, it does drive certain, relevant points home.  There are no absolutes with this issue, so we can only attempt to gain as much understanding as possible.

I do know though, that when I can verbalize my feelings, when I can “get them out,” what is even more painful?

When the people won’t listen.