“post-‘ick’tal bliss?” That’s New Even for Me!

I’m not sure if this is what’s happening as the post-“ick”tal© exhaustion is actually winning the race.  Still, I’ve got to get this term noted and logged while it’s still fresh in my mushy, post-“ick”tal© head.  Hang on, I need something to drink.  Yes, it’s non-alcoholic for you smart alecks in the peanut gallery.  Oh, and how funny when trying to read more about this.  Up I come, Google Page Three.  The search string wasn’t complete or fully in tact, but whatever.

Erm…yeah…researching something I don’t know that much about from my own writing.

So, we already know that I have some “issues” with post-“ick”tal© amnesia.  In fact, when looking at my wee post that I wrote (as I use this blog as basically a diary) some things made me scratch my head.  A bit fuzzy on those points! That’s why it is imperative for me to get things down on paper, or if at home like last night, straight onto baby MacBook.

I am highly functional immediately post-“ick”tally.©  In fact, last night I was feeling kind of hungry so I was making something to eat and running around the house fully dressed with my iPod on.  Okay…well…maybe not so “highly functional.”  Or maybe I was just being a spaz.  Either way, I didn’t need to just crash immediately.  I might if I have a tonic-clonic someday (not that I’d like to…) as they can really knock you out.  However, even after my Complex Partials, I am still pretty good…once I re-establish consciousness and come back to the “Land of the Living.”

The worst? Going to bed and asking: “What the hell will I be like when I wake up?” At best, I have felt nothing; at worst I have been sick as a dog for 72 hours.  Today?

Yes, exhausted but also this weird feeling of…relaxation…relief? I feel like I’m fucking stoned out of my mind on one really, bizarre, barely, explainable drug trip.  “post-‘ick’tal© bliss?” Apparently this can “emerge” from post-“ick”tal© amnesic states, as well.  I see.

Now, I’m still clinging to stress as the causative factor for all of this seizure crapola, and how things have gotten worse since I lost my job.  Everything was fine up until then!  If you take the number I’ve had since, and did a simple mean average, it comes out to roughly two every month–however, it hasn’t mapped out that way.  Even still, that’s pretty ridiculous if you were to go from zero to a figure like that “out of the blue.”

Not to mention, tonnes of literature out there to support stress as a factor! So, Dr. PA (Researcher PA?) even in her exhausted post-“ick”tal© state has been trying to find if there is any correlation, even hypothetically, to support a build up of said stress, and then somehow a “release” of that stress via the seizure, resulting in: TA DA! “post-ick’tal© bliss.”

So far, nada.  Well, not quite nada.  Nada is always my loophole.  Because nobody really knows anything about this stuff anyway, right? *wink* However, there are several factors that could be, possibly, responsible for post-“ick”tal© feelings overall.  That really isn’t helping me much since I’m trying to pinpoint something here.  Also, my eyes are starting to become more and more crossed as I pore over more and more neurochemistry.

However, what I seem to like the best so far is Cerebral Bloodflow Changes.  Just to keep it simple, the idea is you’re not getting enough oxygen to your bean.  As a result, you feel totally stupid after your seizure.  Metabolically, things have gotten totally out of whack so things need to get totally back into whack.

My seizures are now making me feel stoned.  Gah.

  1. Ari

    A natural high? Wow. and still capable of researching. This is amazing!


  2. Hi Ari. *laughing* Well, I know you’re kind of new and all (not meant as an insult!) but I guess now you know my level of geekiness? Especially in terms of medicine (Psych/Neuro esp.)

    In terms of Asperger’s…that’s my “Narrowed Focus of Interest” and the thing that I will blab on and on about and have no clue that the person is bored to tears (and may subsequently want to throttle me.)

    PA = Geek about other things too. But as per the first part, severe medical geekiness.


  3. lili

    Lili hangs head from the peanut gallery. It looks like you did a job job in your “after” state. The question of what one will be after any kind of meltdown especially a seizure(I can’t even imagine it) is incredibly thought provoking. Do you feel every change is a small permanent change or just a tweak to the brain?


  4. lili

    …Did a “job” job. Someone give me stronger meds. I mean you did a GOOD job. Sigh…


  5. Hi lili. That’s alright. I understood what you were saying. I make a lot of typos too, but I have the luxury of correcting them as this is my blog! However, the worst was a mistake in a post, and asdquefty had to correct me! That was bad!

    Good question, though! Oh, and thanks for saying I did a “good” job, as well. The idea of some kind of stress release from the neuronal firing was just driving me nuts so I couldn’t wait to start looking into it!

    As far as any changes to the brain, it’s tough to say. There is some stuff out there to suggest hippocampal shrinkage, or changes, as seizures progress, but that would depend upon the individual, and seizure types, and as I say, the “I” word. That would be “Intractable.” The people with epilepsy that just can’t get it under control! The hippocampus is largely responsible for long term memory among other things.

    I don’t believe I’m anywhere near that, and god help me if I do end up with Intractable Epilepsy! I am still hoping that all of this will settle down when I settle down!

    There is a theory called “Kindling,” and it basically works how it sounds. However, that may not necessarily involve any physical changes to parts of the brain. It may happen if things go untreated or if things ramp up a bit. The seizures may continue, and things won’t get better–or may worsen? I made a boo boo (perhaps) to another blogger about that I think. So, if you are reading–please forgive.

    I think my possible “boo boo” is because it is only a “theory,” and therefore, people are writing different things about it. Also, in what I said to this reader is that it really stemmed from the epilepsy community, and now has moved over to Bipolar. Therefore, that is an entirely different situation. Epilepsy and Bipolar are not the same.

    One thing I do know (and this is statistically proven) is that, as an adult, if you have a Complex Partial (as I have had) they are more likely to stay with you for the rest of your life. That seems to have been “proven” for me, as I have had more than just one. Although, why that is? Who knows? So, there’s a bit of a “tweak,” if you will, but it’s not an entire “across the board,” sort of thing.

    Odd, isn’t it? Also, not for everyone who has Complex Partial Seizures as well!

    One thing that they don’t know, too, is if Complex Partials will necessarily lead to tonic-clonics. There is a “chance,” but nothing concrete as my statement above re: Complex Partials. I have not had a tonic-clonic–thank goodness!

    For me, my Simple Partials did disappear from when I was a child, but then came back! It is possible to have Simple Partials, and then for them to go away.

    Then there are Febrile Seizures that babies can have involving high fevers. They, with massive certainty, will never lead to seizures in later life!

    There are so many types, and they may or may not stick with you. Also, some people may have, or develop, physiological changes (i.e. a tumour or lesion.) For that, and Intractable Epilepsy, they can or may do invasive procedures–that may or may not help!

    For me? I’m not sure. Again, I am hoping all of this may settle down. I won’t know for sure though. No one knows about any of this stuff completely! I may continue seizing just as much, or when I still become stressed. Who knows?

    I highly suspect that if they were to give me another MRI, they wouldn’t find anything different from my first one.

    So, as confusing as all of that is, does it help? *chuckling*


  6. lili

    Oh my goodness I am very,very aware of the kindling theories as I’m a bp’er and have often ditched meds for the love of manias. Lol picture me on an eternal loop of “my meds are helping” “my meds suck and I’m never taking them again” (Cue doc saying no and “do you understand the kindling effect?”) I tell the doc to kiss my behind, ride high for a while, crash and burn, destroy everything within a 100 mile radius, then head into a suicidal depression-which will start me back on my meds. Yes kindling and I are old friends.


  7. lili

    Oh yes and I understand the difference in kindlings in bp’ers as opposed to epis I was just saying how my brain likes to act out in the dance that is kindling for me. I’m just glad that in spite of the parties your brain has chosen to attend without you that you’re okay now.


  8. Hi lili. Indeed, Kindling has always been “on my mind” as an interesting theory. It does also intrigue me as to how it did end up moving over to Bipolar Land from Epilepsy Land, as well. The reason for that is, I didn’t start out as an Ultradian Cycler.

    So, yes. You and I can both have our own perspectives on the theory. Just what on earth made me start to cycle faster and faster and faster to end up where I am now? I do always wonder about that.

    However, it still is only a theory. I like to remind people of such things because before you know it, sometimes they can get so attached to it, the blinders get put on, and the “theory” becomes the “answer.” It doesn’t work like that. Not at all!

    I do the same thing with reading information from the Internet, and dealing with Cyberchondria etc… You’ve got to be careful out there.

    Okay? Well, I’m still not feeling so hot today for some reason. I woke up feeling alright, but now I’m anxious. I think it’s because I’ve got to do some things, and I am really focussing on moving ahead–or trying to. No doubt that is anxiety provoking?


  9. lili

    Stay ahead of the wave-take a valium-or half of one-now. I have never known why i go from zero to 800 miles an hour in five seconds. I can be perfectly serene and then be batshit by the next day.


  10. lili

    Oh my internet thing is reading global news then talking to conspiracy theorists. Fun for my stress level and issues with problem solving.


  11. Hi lili. Well, I can tell why you go so nuts! You have serious ADHD and serious Bipolar! Sorry, couldn’t help that. Aspie rhetorical.

    Or, just me being an idiot.

    Valium? Feh. Well, I don’t know. I still could be in post-ictal fog world somewhere. After two pints of tea, I’m still feeling tired!

    Screw the news. *laughing*


  12. lili

    Lol yeah I try to read garbage all day long now. Yep a bp’er adhd person-fun in a bottle. Let’s hope the fog lifts soon.


  13. Hi lili. Thanks. I may have another tea but I’m almost too fogged to make one.


  14. Rachel Payne

    I have had epilepsy for several decades, since childhood, and seizures, not often, but full tonic-clonic when I have. On 3 occasions in the past few years, after seizures I have been admitted to hospital for 4 to 5 days, remaining in a completely other consciousness, ‘beyond’ the ordinary waking state. It has been an awareness of ‘’waking’ into a supremely blissful state: the reality of superconsciousness – in the way we wake up from dream consciousness.

    For me these experiences have been hugely life enhancing: I have naturally been very eager to discover about others who have experienced this postictal experience historically- and how to experience it without the need to have a seizure!

    But I have also been, as it were, hugely propelled towards new learning and understanding about our nature and existence: including particle physics, brain research, new technologies, meditation techniques and cosmology etc. From what I have found, it seems those experiencing postictal bliss no longer have any fear of death.

    The bliss and happiness that can be known surrounding epileptic seizures is really ineffable. However I learned that Dostoyevsky also had temporal lobe epilepsy, and experienced postictal bliss, and this description is the finest I have found anywhere.:-

    ” For several instants I experience a happiness that is impossible in an ordinary state, and of which other people have no conception. I feel full harmony in myself and in the whole world, and the feeling is so strong and sweet that for a few seconds of such bliss one could give up ten years of life, perhaps all of life.

    I felt that heaven descended to earth and swallowed me. I really attained god and was imbued with him. All of you healthy people don’t even suspect what happiness is , that happiness that we epileptics experience …..”

    There is another description of this in the words of Prince Myshkin in Dostoyevsky’s The Idiot.


  15. Hi Rachel Payne. Thanks for coming by and welcome to my Blog. Messy at the moment.

    I also apologize for not getting back to you sooner. I’m normally more timely but life is killing me at the moment.

    You’ve given such a detailed and thought-provoking Comment here. It’s totally awesome and I hope other readers can see it too. I love any of my Posts that lead to Discussions through Comments from readers.

    Dostoevsky is definitely the the go to famous/historical/etc. figure to provide examples of this as well. You hit the nail on the head there.

    I know we always say we’re so sorry to hear about your epilepsy and this and that. But we all have it and know it’s a bitch.

    Maybe that’s just my blunt Asperger’s mouth talking.

    However, since we all have it, we all do legitimately care about each other. It doesn’t matter to whatever degree, or however things manifest, regarding their epilepsy past and present. Even future.

    As always, I say it’s not a contest. You can’t compare yourself to another and honestly know everything that’s going on.

    So we all just have to keep fighting and staying strong. As much as we can. Try hard to remember: “One Day At A Time.”
    Thanks again and take care of yourself,




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