Bear with me.  I can barely see.  This post may be a mess.

I went to see Non-Arsey Neuro who was most accommodating.  He fit me in after I telephoned him this morning.  I tried to mumble all of the information I wished to convey to him within our app. 20-25 minutes together–mostly about (what I believe to be) my fried hypothalamus.

He questioned me being on my Stims.  I retorted, and didn’t quite get to the point of begging him not to take me off them.  That is because he didn’t say he wanted me off them.  However, I did state how important they were to me, how much they have helped me, and that I have never had problems with them before.

We also touched upon my ACs but not so much.  I made a brief mention that my current ones did great things for my Bipolar.  Therefore, I was very happy with them.

The course of action from this point.  A continued, “Wait and See?” Realistically, this makes sense.  Non-Arsey Neuro can not simply snap his fingers and make this go away any more than I can.  However, as I stated and wanted, a much needed MRI Scan.  I’ve only had one and that was several years ago.  This situation obviously necessitates it.  Also, we are going to toss in another EEG for fun? They’re tremendously unreliable but why not.

It appears that I was entirely correct about my arrhythmia, although I received a bit more of a surprise? My resting pulse was 120 which is kind of high (as per my noted arrhythmia–I’ve been feeling my heart bouncing around ever since this tonic-clonic happened.)  120bpm as a resting heart rate can basically send you close to Tachycardia Land, but at least my pulse is consistent.  Not so bad there, at least?

The “surprise?” Indeed! My blood pressure.  My blood pressure has always been within the normal range; never high, never low.  It can vary with people, but a “typical” measurement that gets shouted out a lot is 120/80.  Gee.  Guess what mine was?


Hello! So.  It appears that wee PA has a bit of “Tachycardia” and “Hypertension” going on? I mean, WTF??? I did not expect any issues with high blood pressure.  However, why should I be surprised at anything anymore? I mean, this is all about my ANS and still, my damn, nuked hypothalamus that controls so much of your ANS and yes, blah, blah, blah…everything that I have hypothesized?



I honestly don’t know what to say anymore.  I don’t know if there IS anything I can say anymore! At least from a scientific, medical, research perspective.  I don’t know if there’s anything left out there.  I think I may have exhausted both the literature and myself! So what now?

As above, I’m not putting much, if any, money on the EEG.  The MRI? Will it actually show something? Will it show anything? Will it show nothing? As in, my hypothalamus is gone altogether! I no longer have one! My hippocampus? Hippocampal sclerosis? Has my hippocampus been nuked, too? Eroded to the point of extinction? *rolls eyes*

Seriously, though.  Have we gotten to the point where we are looking at Anatomical structure that has then resulted in Physiological change this marked and distinct (not to mention pretty, fucking ugly.)  I don’t want to start getting worried or scared but I’m running out of plausible explanations here.  Well, those too, but now possible and actual remedies.

How long am I supposed to remain so goddamn debilitated and how the hell do I get better???  If you do have Epilepsy, can one single seizure in your life destroy you? Have I tipped some kind of scale with my increase in seizures, the different and new types over the past year and half, that my brain is now seriously damaged? Like, seriously damaged!

I’ve suffered previous head trauma, albeit slight.  Is that a factor? I suffered from high fevers as a child, although no mention of Febrile Seizures.  However, there have been studies suggesting one of the Herpes Virii that is linked to MTLE (Mesial Temporal Lobe Epilepsy.)  Just about everyone in the world has it lying dormant in their bodies, and it is extremely common for babies to contract the infection.  MTLE is the big banger for hippocampal sclerosis!

I know, it sounds like I’m spinning my wheels a lot with this one.  I know.  You could “easily say,” or tell me: “PA, don’t jump to conclusions!” I agree with you.  However, I’m tired, I’m frustrated and I’m sick.  I’m also at a crossroad.  No, worse.  I’m in a sort of “No Man’s Land,” regarding this and I am debilitated.  I can’t function.

Perhaps if I least knew why, or had some kind of answer, anything…  Perhaps then I’d be able to handle this situation somehow. Perhaps in a better way.  Perhaps.


  1. lili

    I’m glad you got to talk to the doc. I hope something concrete is found with the MRI so you can figure out a course of treatment. Hang in there.


  2. Hi lili. Thanks. I guess we shall see. Another thing is that this may resolve itself with more time. The Thermoregulation/Temperature Dysregulation seems to have, so…?

    Regardless, it’s still quite messy overall.


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