I saw Merlin #2 today, and the first thing he said to me was, “How much weight have you lost?!” *laughing* I responded in my typical fashion, not knowing what the fuck I look like, with a blank stare.  This was of course after we had our happy exchange of:

“You ready PA?” (Merlin #2 more bouncy with PA, as opposed to any other patients)

“You got it Baby! Batter Up!”

Yes.  That was our exchange.  Why I made a baseball reference today, I have no clue.  It was just the first thing that popped into my head.  And yes, I called Merlin #2: “Baby!”


I just said I’d jump on his scale.  I did the same thing at Non-Arsey Neuro’s on Monday.  They both showed the same: 100lbs. with clothes on.  That would mean a bit under 100lbs.  You subtract a couple of pounds or so for your clothes.

I’ve been staring at myself for a while.  I am a bit more “bone-y.”  However, the scale is not reflecting…  My face is… My cheekbones are more prominent? My clavicles? My hips, or pelvis? My wrists? Yes, they all are? My watches and my Medic-Alert Bracelet.  They are now sliding further down my forearms.

I don’t understand this.  I am losing mass? However, my skeletal structure is still weighing me in the same? Perhaps a couple of pounds on wee PA is enough to show a difference? I have no clue.  I’ve lost weight but the scale isn’t showing it? My body is reflecting it but the scale isn’t measuring it? *PA shakes head*

Well, enough about that! This is going to be long enough!

We next moved on to the tonic-clonic that he never even knew I had several weeks ago–thus necessitating me cancelling our appt. the day after. *rolls eyes* I mentioned that Non-Arsey Neuro had concerns over my Stims re: my tonic-clonic, and Merlin #2 agreed.  I then went on to make a very good argument to not take me off them!

In doing so, I said I would lose all that they have done for me.  I can now read again! They helped me so much with my job (before I was laid off!) I never had any lowering of my seizure threshold before when I was on them.  My seizures were completely under control before I lost my job, and finally…TA DA! By taking me off them, I would spiral down into a deep, dark, ugly depression that could also lower seizure threshold!

HA! Take that! Merlin #2 agreed. *PA grins*

Next! Merlin #2 filled out a form I need for the stoopid guvmunt, in order to beg for some paltry sum.  Or sums? Either way, I am going more and more broke as…well, never mind.  Let’s just say things are a disaster for me financially.  I never thought this would happen to me.  If I don’t get a job soon, I may be forced to…never mind.

More stoopid guvmunt? I called about the drug program that I am on.  They have been siphoning me dry, as I have been paying out of pocket for all of the damn meds I have to take.  It costs me hundreds of dollars a month just to try and keep my head working! I have been waiting as “patient”ly as possible for a reimbursement that is due for exceeding a/my/their co-pay.  Well.

Apparently it takes months for this to happen.  I started this plan in February of last year.  I will be getting my reimbursement (or so I have been told), at the end of this month.  I am not holding my breath.

One good thing? I had a shitload of scripts to fill from Merlin #2 today.  W00t! Perhaps because I’ve paid the stoopid guvmunt $1,000,000 already, for this quarter I’m done! The pharmacy told me everything was FREE!


I walked out the door with what would have cost me, two to three hundred dollars, perhaps? I’m not joking about that dollar figure and those are just for a month’s supply of some.

OMG. A tiny shred of good news…finally?


Well, only for maybe a couple of months more but I don’t care! I’m hanging by threads here!


  1. lili

    I’m glad you got to see the doc and the guvmint is acting better.


  2. Hi lili. Thanks. We’ll see… I’m still suspicious of the stoopid guvmunt, but with rabid phone calls, I keep getting closer to mangling them into their own stoopidity!


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