Archive for September, 2009

I am still bedridden, yet diligently researching what else could be wrong with my brain.  In all matters of repetitiveness, this is due to my first tonic-clonic seizure that occurred on September 02, 2009.  You see, I need to be repetitive as I do not know who may stumble upon this post, or all of the others that I have written regarding this.

However, I will try to not be too repetitive.  For all things written prior, you have the above information, so I shall try to keep this as merely an update.  Try, indeed.  It is all very complicated.  Very.

There are more things that I have discovered.  Yes? My little hypothalamus that seems to be creating most of my problems, the crux of my possible brain’s insult, may be insulting me more.  You see, the hypothalamus controls many hormonal activities.  These may be taking place within my body (and brain), as well as all other issues I have researched.  I am not even sure how to proceed from here.  Apart from some things that have already been mentioned, some post-“ick”tal© symptoms that I am still experiencing…  Hmmm…

I am, as many readers know, very open on my blog.  However, this is…rather…well, how shall I continue.  In the name of science? *PA pauses*

Hormones.  Well, let’s just say regarding certain “hormones,” I have never felt “better” in one area since I have been (hypo)manic! Perhaps, this is one good outcome of this damn tonic-clonic? *laughing* Oh, my! This is taking me back to…well…oh, my! A certain “sign” or “symptom” of Bipolar that was extremely prevalent for me.  In fact, the other night, I may have had a Gelastic Seizure after…erm…yes…some, “hormonal activity,” on my part? But, no.  You can not give yourself a seizure.

Still.  Rather interesting how one occurred after another…and the other…or others… *laughing so hard*

I think I have alluded to enough here? Or more than? Not to mention, some tiny bits of research I have actually found regarding this and Gelastic Seizures.

If you don’t know what a Gelastic Seizure is, it is a sudden, unprovoked, outburst of emotion.  It generally tends toward laughter.  I have had two.  However, there seems to be a bit of literature that lends to the fact that this form of Simple Partial Seizure, can be preceded by a “psychic aura” (that is also referred to as a Simple Partial Seizure.)  That aura can manifest itself as a feeling of emotion as well.  That being said, I did experience a feeling of happiness and perhaps even euphoria.  This was immediately before I was basically rolling all over my bed, in uncontrollable hysterics, completely laughing out loud, and unable to contain myself.

I do not laugh like this.  In fact, I do not laugh out loud…well, ever? Extremely rarely? With my last Gelastic Seizure, I was basically doubled over with tears practically streaming down my face.  Then it stopped, and everything went back to normal.  Actually, it was nice to have another one the other night? They are quite “funny.” *laughing* Truly bizarre, but I completely loved the two that I’ve had before.

So, at least be thankful for my apparent, “enjoyment” of a certain hormonal surge and another Gelastic Seizure? *rolls eyes*

I’d like to joke that banging my head on the concrete pavement when I had my first tonic-clonic seizure (which I did do), has “knocked some sense into me.”  However, I think that maybe it did.  Well, not literally but please, read on.

The seizure happened on September 02, 2009.  Considering the date of this post, it has now been over two weeks since it happened.  It has made me very ill.  So much so, that I have been “ordered” by Non-Arsey Neuro to stay on “Bed Rest,” until we can speak on Monday.  Spending a lot of time in bed (despite using baby MacBook to amuse myself), has provided me with some time to think.

This has been my worst “altercation,” if you will, with my health.  It has affected me mentally, physically, emotionally–pretty much all the way around.  I am not saying that I have had a “brush with death,” or trying to be overly dramatic, here.  I am not terminally ill, or at least I don’t suspect that I am.  tonic-clonics are the most serious seizures you can have, and I do believe I should not be this ill.  Nonetheless, I am merely speaking of what has happened to me, it’s impact, and how it has affected me.

I think it has been at least enough to allow me to see some things in a different light.  I am not quite sure but I seem to have a feeling somehow.  At least I think so? It is so difficult to put our feelings into words, isn’t it? Especially something like this! A type of “feeling” where you notice some kind of change in your view of something? I am even finding it difficult to compose this post altogether.

I received an email from someone last night, who had reminded me of something I had said to them some time ago.  This person said that they had never appreciated so strongly, the statement I had made, up until now.  You see, something had changed regarding their perception in their life.  I made a joke about my words actually sticking in someone’s head, and heaven forbid! They actually resonated? *laughing*

Still, I feel something is happening.  I feel like…somehow I am beginning to see some things differently in my world.  And even if it’s just a beginning? That’s good enough for me! Because if I’m right, these things, these “changes,” need to very much occur.  I can’t, or won’t, say this experience has had some kind of “magic wand,” effect.  No, not at all.  Hardly.  However, if it has given me some sort of impetus to move ahead in a part of my life, where I definitely need to, that is a very good thing.

I can not stress this enough: It is of the utmost importance to obtain an observer account, with as much information as possible, if you have a seizure (provided an observer is there.)  Most people with Epilepsy already know this.  However, if you are an observer, here are some things that you should definitely know.

Time the event.  Seizure duration periods can indicate any possible risks to the individual’s health.  Make as many observations regarding the person: What did they do? What did they look like? What did they say, if anything? Were they responsive or unresponsive to anything you might have said?

Then, if EMS was called, how long did it take for them to arrive? It is still also important to continue observing the person that is having the seizure at this point.  Are they still seizing? If so, the same as above.  If not, what is now happening? How is the person? How are they feeling, acting, responding? Are you still keeping an eye on the clock? What time is it now? When EMS arrives, make notes on what they do as well.

I know.  That is a lot to take in! It can be very hard to do.  I know this because I have had to go over my seizure events with several “observers.”  Several times! It makes me feel like a pest.  However, it is important.

To give you an example of how difficult this can be, let me tell you how I have now garnered a bit more information that may make a bit more sense to do with my (first) tonic-clonic seizure.  This happened on September 02, 2009.  I spoke to my friend J. today, who was my “observer.”  J. has seen me seize before.  Even though this was an entirely new situation, it still demonstrates how things can be “missed,” or “forgotten,” and why accuracy is so important.

Now, don’t be scared as this was all very confusing! It happened very fast! Unfortunately, that is how some seizures do occur.

Initially, I had a problem with the “logistics,” shall we say, of how I got from our table to where I ended up on the ground.  There was some distance involved.  You see, people who have tonic-clonic seizures do not “fly out of their chairs!” No.  At least I have never heard or read of such a case.  Typically, they fall to the ground.  Well, more than “typically.”  They just do.

Apparently, I did not do that! J. originally told me I did.  Well, not that I “flew out of my chair.”  Just that I “fell to the ground.”  Hence, me being rather confuzzled.

I’ve been sort of laughing all day about it, even though it is not funny at all! *laughing* I’m sorry.  I’m getting a bit punchy, perhaps, from still being on “Bed Rest.”  The damn tonic-clonic has made me so ill, I can not leave my home! Which I do believe is completely abnormal, but see the rest of my blog regarding all of that.  Also, I am getting a visual of myself, and I know my own seizure history, so I am finding it even more amusing.  Still, seizures are not funny! You got that?

So, what did I do? I very calmly sat up from my chair, pushed it back, and stood up from the table.  I turned around, and took about a step or two, and then laid down on the ground.

Then…I…EXPLODED! *laughing again*

I’m sorry.  I started this post on a very serious note.  Seizure accounts, and their accuracy are extremely important.

J. also initially told me that the time he tried to track, was app. 5 minutes.  Now, the story is what? Somewhere between 5-10 minutes?

Alright, all silliness aside, let’s review what happened here.  Also, bear in mind that I have no memory of any of this.

We have, with all certainty, confirmed that it was impossible for me to do some acrobatic, arabesque from a plastic, patio chair.  Yes.

Me getting up in my nonchalant manner, going for what appeared be such a casual (albeit brief) stroll, then a nap(?) was a Complex Partial Seizure.  Presumably.  This is because I looked completely aware and awake, fully functional, but oh, no.  Au contraire.  Wee PA was completely unconscious.  Depending upon what you may read and where, some folks say that you may retain some consciousness during a Complex Partial.  Me? Oh, dear.  Not one iota with any that I’ve had.  At least that I recall… *rolls eyes*

Sorry, terrible one there.  I’ll try to keep myself under wraps from here on in.

Rather interesting? A different story, now.  At first I was told that I had no prior seizure events and immediately had the tonic-clonic.  tonic-clonic seizures are classified as, or called “Generalized” seizures because they effect your entire brain.  The neuronal activity or discharges occur everywhere.  Complex Partials (as well as Simple Partials) are called “Partial” seizures in that, they affect only certain areas of the brain.  However, in this case (my case), the Complex Partial led directly to a tonic-clonic.  That is completely your basic, textbook Epilepsy!

It was another thing that was on my mind.  Yes, you can have a tonic-clonic without any prior Partial seizures but it struck me as a little odd.  I have such a huge history of Simple Partial and Complex Partial Seizures! Why was there no preceding Partial?

Well, apparently there was.  Or there is a high suspicion of one.  Although, it was extremely brief! So much so, that I didn’t even know it happened! For both the Complex Partial and the tonic-clonic, I was unconscious (you’re always unconscious for a tonic-clonic.)  That’s why observer accounts are that important.  Now I can tell Non-Arsey Neuro that instead of one seizure that night, you can pretty much bet I had two!

No doubt, you are all getting sick of this Neurological Bullshit.  Well, I know I sure am! Who is getting more sick of it? You readers, or moi? We could arm wrestle it out to decide, but I’m too tired.  You would all win by default.

So, what should I stream? Good god, beyond how tired I am I can not think! I have a lot of songs to choose from.  This post may sit here until tomorrow while I drift in and out, of far and distant post-“ick”tal© lands…

Until I can even open up iTunes.

Nonetheless! MP3 of the Moment Shall Live On!

At least until I die…


Sorry, are death jokes appropriate? I’m not really sure right now.  I’m not so sure of much right now.  Okay.  A song.  Okay.

Should I make it thematic? Should I be silly or serious? Should I pick a genre? Oh, my head is starting to hurt more than it already is!

Not to mention, my nausea.  Not only because of the damn tonic-clonic, but I have streamed “Mercyfuck” by Mary Prankster so many times, it must be wiped away! Gah! I am sick of streaming that song!

But you all know I will again.

I know, I know.  I said I’d shut up about all of this “head stuff,” but I’m going to take some Gravol/Dimenhydrinate right now for the damn nausea.  Scrolling through my iTunes library is doing things you could not imagine.  Apologies, I shall speak no more of my head! Or my stomach.  Or any other part of my body.  Or, erm…yes, quite.

DING! I think we have a winner! I was pondering this one a while ago.  I’ve done the single from Dirty Vegas that “spawned” their first album.  That was “Days Go By.”  It, and subsequently they, came out of nowhere.  “Days Go By” was such a massive hit, so many Record Companies were after them to come up with a full length record.  And that, they did.

So, here is “I Should Know” by Dirty Vegas–from that album.  PA likey.

Non-Arsey Neuro called me back first thing this morning but he only had a few minutes to spare.  He has several offices around the city and was leaving for another one, not the one where I see him.  Still, he deserves kudos as how many doctors even speak to patients over the phone, anyway?

However, and I even wrote that this was a possibility, my “prescription?” Doctors Orders?

Bed Rest and Call Back on Monday. *PA sighs*

So, that will be bringing us close to the three week, post-“ick”tal© period.  At this point, I am going to refer to it as that, as basically, that is the medical term–whether the individual is ill or not.  Okay, in the medical profession they don’t use the “ick”© part.  But, they have “ictal,” ‘inter-ictal,” “peri-ictal.”  You get my point.

I called Grocery Man, who again is waiting in the wings, should I need to go Non-Arsey Neuro’s office.  He said to call back immediately if anything worsens.  That makes good sense.  OMG.

I need people around me right now that make sense.  Ironically, I am feeling worse today.  The nausea has ramped up and so has the cognitive impairment–thus the dire need for people around me that make sense, actually.  This could all be Mind-Body-Associated because: a) I have now spoken to Non-Arsey Neuro today; completely stressed out when he didn’t call yesterday and/but b) even though I knew this possible outcome, I have to wait a week to see if this shit goes away.

More temperature dysregulation/thermoregulation problems.  More cognitive impairment, nausea, headaches, fatigue which are typical post-“ick”tal© symptoms.  Indeed, these may fade away with time, however, I need to take care of other matters.  These matters can not be taken care of from my bed.  At the moment, I can not think clearly enough to even navigate how to take care of these matters anyway!

Oh, wouldn’t it be grand if this just resolved itself on its own? For today, though? I’m not going to think of anything.  Especially since I do feel worse.  If I’m supposed to stay in bed for a whole week anyway, maybe I’ll be able to think more clearly tomorrow.

…Non-Arsey Neuro didn’t call.  Or, he’s working really late and taking his time.

I’ve been waiting all day.  My anxiety has been skyrocketing as a result.  I think I’m going to pass out now.  Or puke.  Or both.  Well, puke first or I’ll die.


Well, try again tomorrow.  There’s nothing else for me to do.

Please, still be in the office working late…you’re probably not.  The Receptionist is long gone but…

EDIT: Left completely, zombified, stuttering, out-of-it, repetitive, really, bloody, awful, sounding message on Receptionist’s Voicemail.  Couldn’t hurt to serve as a reminder? OMG.


I woke up straight away and called Non-Arsey Neuro’s office this morning.  I just about had a major meltdown as I thought I lost his number.  And why it wasn’t listed anywhere online is beyond me.

Anyway, his Receptionist rocks too.  I could barely string together two non-coherent sentences when she just confirmed my phone number and said she’d have him call me.  I still continued to mumble on as I said: “Thank you very much!!!”

Well, she’s a Receptionist for a Neurologist.  I’m sure she’s quite used to mumbly patients.  Yes?

Okay, meds and some tea now? Oy, my head (and everything else.)  I’ve got to get things in order and maybe sound less mumbly? And my temp check? If anyone is interested? 97 degrees and feeling fine.  Again, it all makes sense as your body temps. drop when you sleep.  However, I also forgot to mention that I am sweating like crazy when I’m sleeping every night!

Also, just to, perhaps, really drive the point home? Last night when it was getting late, temps. dropping as they should, time for bed. Within app. 45 minutes, I went from extremely, boiling hot, and then I dropped 1.5 degrees and was completely freezing.

I could be wrong about this, but does that make sense to anybody else out there? And for this to be going on for 12 days now after a seizure? I know, I may be harping on and on about it all but I think I have a right to.  So, if you don’t like it, then nuts to you! *laughing* I’m just kidding.  I’m just so sick (and sick of this), I want to know what’s going on.  Plus, if I have a brain lesion or a tumour *rolls eyes* I shouldn’t joke.  That’s not funny.  A very close friend of my sister’s–well, the husband of the couple–died of a brain tumour.  However, I believe I read that all is not lost with hippocampal sclerosis.

Anyway, we’ll see what Non-Arsey Neuro has to say.  Maybe he can swing a really fast MRI because I can’t stay holed up in my flat to be placed on a waiting list.  Or, it may have to be that, plus “waiting” on my own to see if this just goes away.  Well, no point in guessing until the phone rings…

Do not “freak out” when researching something on the Internet!!!


Nonetheless, we’ve upped the ante on how emergent it is that I speak to Non-Arsey Neuro tomorrow.  Or possibly see him?

I read some information when I came home after my first tonic-clonic seizure, but I was too sick to look at it.  Therefore, I didn’t want to make mention of it on my blog until I could do so.  I made a note, and have checked it out today.  It all makes sense.  Or it certainly could? Although, there is a big “freak out,” regarding it all.  So, dig your heels in! *rolls eyes*

I’ll even give Arsey Neuro some credit here, as he always did question if something was going on with my limbic system.  Because you see, there are a lot of other bits of my brain that are near it, surround it, are a part of it, that make me do some habitual things–like my hypothalamus that makes me drool like a rabid dog when I seize a lot of the time.

And speaking of animals, I found a rat study where all of this business…well… *PA crosses eyes* Okay, to get the rats out of the way, remember these words about the rat study: “hypothalamus,” “Circadian Rhythm Temperatures,” “Mesial Temporal Lobe Epilepsy.”  You got that?

This may get a bit complicated but I’ll try to keep it simple–for everyone out there–and myself? *PA shakes head* It’s kind of messy, though.  It runs off into certain territories of the unknown and unanswerable, but I need to get it sorted for Non-Arsey Neuro.  Plus everything else that has happened.

NOTE: I am still also cognitively impaired, nauseous, having some problems with headaches and suffering extreme fatigue.  I no longer feel these are stress related.  In fact, in thinking and reading about all of this, I feel like throwing up right now. *wry grin* Okay, that may be stress related…

So.  What is looking like “sense?” My Circadian Rhythms are completely blown to hell.  My Circadian Rhythms, in part, are responsible for controlling my body temperatures.  Epilepsy and seizures can blow them all to hell!  What is happening, is that my body temperatures are bouncing all around, within the 24 hour period of my Circadian Rhythm.

I am experiencing an “Ultradian Rhythm.”  Ironically, this is how I have cycled with Bipolar in the past–within a 24 hour period.  However, this irony is not very funny right now.  This is rather serious, as it has been going on for a week and a half.  I have never experienced such a thing with my seizures.  I am so debilitated and sick, I can not leave my house, as I do not feel safe unless someone is with me–and preferably has a vehicle.

Now, what on earth could this mean? How can it be stopped? Well, I’m not quite sure.  Let’s link some things together.

Recall the rats? They were aiming to indicate that the hypothalamus (that also plays a role in temperature regulation), could be monkeyed with (monkeys…rats…)  The experiment showed changes with Circadian Rhythm Temperatures regarding seizures.  The seizure activity occurred within the limbic region (well, this was kind of a finer point–the hypothalamus is basically a part of it–also, they were trying to re-create Mesial Temporal Lobe Epilepsy in the rats.)  The only drag? Bummer? Don’t “freak out!!!”

Structural changes in the hypothalamus.  However…they were going for status epilepticus of MTLE (Mesial Temporal Lobe Epilepsy.)  That’s a prolonged seizure period.  A dangerous period.  A seriously “get-the-person’s-ass-to-the-hospital-period.”

Okay, if you’ve got that down, let’s continue.  Circadian Rhythms and my temperatures? Looking good.  Well, bad but it seems likely.  My hypothalamus? Always looks like it’s been a bugger.  Circadian Rhythms and MTLE? I can’t make a direct correlation but they both have one word in common: lesion!!!

Don’t “freak out!!!” *rolls eyes again* It’s alright, I’m not going off on a serious tangent, and thinking that I have some sort of “brain lesion,” or a “tumour.”  Although, it has been a long time since I have had a MRI Scan! I’ve only had one, as well.  And it was way before all of these things have happened.  The increase of my seizures, the changes in type, this tonic-clonic.

The Circadian Rhythm stuff doesn’t specifically identify any other parts of the brain that I can find, except for the rats’ hypothalamic areas.  MTLE? Different story.  As I have written about before, very common regarding brain damage in Epilepsy: hippocampal sclerosis.  It’s tough, though, as there is great debate as to just exactly how it happens! I see.

I also read some other very interesting things about MTLE, but I won’t bore you with statistics.  I think I’ve gone on long enough here.  This is of personal significance, however.  I seem to fit a bit of a pattern in terms of how it may develop throughout one’s life.  I see, again.

Still, “interesting” how this is all connected neurologically? Don’t “freak out!!!”

Though, on a very positive “don’t freak out” note: I also read that this, Circadian Rhythm Temperature craziness, that I am dealing with, may also be of a temporary nature.  But for how long? Get your darts out and start tossing them! It’s already been 11 days!

I guess that’s it, then? As above, I could tell you much, much more.  Regardless, of all this (and the more), it is enough to warrant the emergent call to Non-Arsey Neuro first thing tomorrow.  I have prepared my “script” for the Receptionist to hopefully get through to him, at least to talk.  If I can see him in person, Grocery Man will take me to his office as I don’t think I can make it alone.  Grocery Man had to take me out to run some simple errands today, no matter how much I wanted to do them by myself!

I was even thinking of going to the ER, but they won’t understand if I try to explain all of this.  Hell! They wouldn’t even see me in that one hospital after I had the seizure! I need Non-Arsey Neuro, and I need him fast! Not to “freak out,” but this is serious!

At least I think it is.

Now, we’ve got some PA Evidence going on! Hey, you can’t keep a Geeky, Aspie, Medical Researcher down (no matter how shitty she feels?)

This isn’t “Hard Science,” but oh, I think it’s even better! Why didn’t I think about this before? Why? I’ll tell you bloody, well why! Because I think this tonic-clonic really has fried my brain! I mean, I don’t know if J. even owns a thermometer, but duh! *PA slaps forehead that is now feverish*

Not to mention, while screwing around on Google, I found myself on Page One… *rolls eyes* There is a rare thing called post-“ick”tal© fever.  This I read about…well, whenever I wrote the post.  And not that this may be it.  No, I think it is, or may be, something else? Something bigger? I’m thinking duration.

Anyway, point being, all I need to do is track my body temperatures, monitor them and make some notes–as if I was using a Basal Thermometer to try and have a baby (which I am not, by the way.)

For example, right now I am running a fever between 101°-102°, my feet are freezing and have been under the duvet for hours–and yet are still freezing.  Normally, PA The Human Ice Cube, should be completely freezing all over.  Especially if she has supposedly lost another 5lbs. and is now down to 95lbs.  My body right now feels just sort of…”average?” Maybe comfortably warm?

I can’t recall what it has been doing all day, as I have been too out of it to pay attention.  You bet I’ll be paying attention now! And I’m sure I’ll be noting some changes? Especially since it sure as hell felt like my body temps. were riding one giant roller coaster last night while I was sleeping!

For a fever that high? If it was consistent all day? If I had an infection, I would have felt chills, been achy all of that.  Now I know none of that’s been going on–no matter how out of it I’ve been.  I’m not sick.

I wish I had thought of this before but it may not matter so much.  Especially if it’s still going on after this long? It may just further prove my point! I believe my body temperature checked out fine when they took me to the hospital.  At least they didn’t indicate anything “alarming!”

Actually, in hindsight, they did do some things wrong when they took me in.  At least one–and it probably might have gotten me some medical attention, as opposed to none. As much as I love paramedics, and you know that I do, these guys screwed up.

For a tonic-clonic with a possible head injury (as I slammed my head on concrete!) they should have put me on a gurney.  The paramedics put me on a gurney before when I had one of my Complex Partials! *PA shakes feverish head*

Well, now that I’ve got this happenin,’ I can take it to Non-Arsey Neuro.  If it doesn’t settle down, then I think I may have a problem? My body temperatures can’t lie! I can now prove that this business is going on!

Which is both a good thing and a bad thing.

But wait.  I thought I’d just try a quick, little, “experiment” now.  And of course this makes sense because in order for my brain and body to co-ordinate all of this, what else is needed? The environment!

I just went outside to smoke a cigarette.  I put a jacket on.  Now how long does it take to smoke a cigarette? Not that long! Taking into account the temperature differences as well, which are 24°C in my flat and 18°C outside, it’s still such a short period of time.

PA became The Human Ice Cube outside–instantaneously! Of course it’s also too brief a period for her core body temperature to change, but that’s the problem! Back inside, she’s fine now! Perhaps? Until the next wave of something else?

EDIT: Now I’m HOT!!!

That’s the whole thing though, right? The regulation is completely screwed up! For me to go all freezing and wingy just like that?  Also, I wasn’t like that last night, I had less clothes on and sat out for ages! The weather was exactly the same.  And I’ll bet you, that should my core temperature change, things will remain just as screwy.  I’ll still be having problems.

This may just be the most important post I’ve ever written about my seizures yet!

It looks like Dr. PA is back on duty.

I was going to delete last night’s post.  In retrospect, it looks like “The Lovechild of Mental Illness and Creativity Gone Bad.”  However, it has received some comments so I’m not sure.  I could still nuke it, but I’m in rather a state, you see.  Actually, more than “rather?” I do not know how you measure a “rather,” but for now, suffice it to say: I.Am.One.Huge.Mess.

I knew I would be today.  I just didn’t know the mess would be this huge.  I knew that I wouldn’t be able to “jump back in” to “jump starting my life,” again.  But wow.  I’m just sitting here like a statue that wants to cry.  Can statues cry? Well, this statue is also typing so I suppose tears are a definite possibility.

I don’t understand what is happening here.  Alright.  I had the worst seizure you could ever have.  Fine.  I have Epilepsy and I know this.  I also know (or knew), that having a tonic-clonic after a Complex Partial (and even more so after several–which I have had) increases the possibility of having a tonic-clonic to a greater degree.  This is all well and good, and completely makes sense–despite how much I never wanted to have one.  I mean, who one earth wants to have a tonic-clonic seizure???

So, it’s happened, it’s over and done with, let’s move on.  But wait.  Something’s wrong.  And I can’t figure it out.

I stayed in bed almost all day.  Yep, hid from the world.  Severe depression but I got a “surprise” VM from my landlord, when I finally became mobile.  He and a plumber were coming by! I had all of about a half hour to get ready (ready?) Aw, bugger it! I was wandering around in a daze in some of my hospital pyjamas. *rolls eyes*

Anyway, did that seizure do something to me? I’m not sure.  Physically, I seem to still be having issues with my body temperature regulation (or dysregulation?) That was a completely new post-“ick”tal© symptom for me.  Even last night, I was pretty damn stripped down, and the duvet was on/off/on/off.  That’s neurological.  Not to mention, those areas of the brain I have “implicated” re: other things that have happened with different seizures that I have had.  Yes? *sighs*

I’m not sure if there are any other “physical” things still lying around.  Some transient nausea, some headaches but that could be tied to stress, the psychological…  Mind-Body Connection?

Which of course is next.  What the hell is holding me back? Well, no doubt stress! I can almost feel it running through my veins, dripping from my pores.  I say “almost” because I’m too damn depressed to move.  However, I know it’s there.

It’s like, everything was running to plan (or as much as I could try make it run), just a little over a week ago.  Just about a week!

Now, it’s not like I had some massive Bipolar trigger and my moods went completely out of control.  No.  I didn’t have some absolutely, out-of-this-world, Asperger’s meltdown.  No.  My ADD doesn’t make me flip out and go all spinny.  No.  Never, ever, ever have I had a seizure make me wig out! I’ve just been post-“ick”tal© for a few days, at most, then it’s back to business as usual.

Did having an actual tonic-clonic somehow screw me up psychologically? Did it subconsciously freak me out? If so, on top of, is something still, fucking, fried neurologically so my body just isn’t back to its normal state? Also, this tonic-clonic came right on the heels of a questionable nocturnal seizure that I had, the night before I had my first consult with Non-Arsey Neuro.  We both discussed it and were sort of scratching our heads, as my legs were really sore and a bit weak, and I felt distinctly post-“ick”tal©.  The tonic-clonic happened just a few days later.

And here’s another thing that isn’t making sense in my world right now, either.  I weighed myself at J.’s and asked him if his scale was as accurate as when he went to his doctor.  He said, yes, pretty much.  His scale said I weighed 95lbs.!!! I ate more during my week at J.’s than I ever do on my own, and I have been making an effort to eat more on my own! Let’s hope his scale is bloody, well wrong, as I can’t figure out how I’ve lost 5lbs.!

Something just isn’t right here.  I knew I would probably need a bit of time to try and get everything in order.  Calls to make appts., I’ve got other business to attend to, both medical and non-medical…it’s like…I just can’t even think straight.  I don’t even know if this post is coherent but take all the time to proof PA! All you’re doing is drinking tea and water, hoping it stays down because you’re pukey as all hell, and your head is hurting, and…oh, my!