Well, the ADD is all pervasive.  It never leaves.  I could wake up with another Migraine From Hell tomorrow but we’ll have to wait for that?

So, within one bloody, fucking day, we’ve (I’ve?) managed to go through all of all my diagnoses.

This is some kind of record.  No.  It is a record.  This makes no sense.

I could understand the Bipolar Cycling but then moving on to the Asperger’s in its full flourish and then a Simple Partial Seizure (even if it was a very “Simple,” Simple Partial Seizure.)

There is a Post.  A Post…somewhere down this page, past all that I have written tonight, about how I have been so very scared about my health.

I think this proves why I should be.  This makes no fucking sense.  Now I don’t know if I should be scared, angry, confused…hell, all of them and more!

Enough.  I am tired.  Not physically at the moment but I am tired of thinking about this.  Trying to solve this puzzle.  How can I get out of this trap.


  1. lili

    No overthinking allowed when pushed to the limit.


  2. raginggenius

    I agree with lili, rest, no thinking…try your best to draw a blank, I know it’s hard.


  3. Hi you two. Not so with it “the day after” but responding. Thank you both for responding to all of this mess.

    I’m not sure there is that much to think about lili. I don’t know. I always think about everything, though. Haha.

    Hi raginggenius. Yes, hard not to think. Well, right now I’m not thinking very well at all. My brain is in pieces and not really working.

    Should place “Out of Order” sign on it or something.

    I hope it’s not broken for good. It feels really broken.


  4. raginggenius

    Your brain will come back, it’s ok to be broken, we are all broken in some sort of way. Being where you are now sucks, but it won’t last forever. That’s what I tell myself anyway. Hang in there, you’ll pull through. I was a totall suicidal wreck about 6 weeks ago, and was mentally tourtured for about 4 weeks in a row. I wanted out so bad, it was awful. :(


  5. Hi raginggenius. Thanks for coming back and following up. Yes, it is true that we are broken and in need of new or spare parts or something. I say my warranty is up but maybe better put, I was born without one? *rolls eyes*

    Thanks as well for keeping the faith for me. I’ll take as much as I can get!

    Sorry to hear that you were having a really rough go of it as well for a while. I know that you were really struggling as we spoke about it. I hope you are feeling better now.

    It is so painful, though. Yes.

    The irony, too. I was talking to someone earlier and I said I was amazed that because of everything going on, I wasn’t permanently locked up in a Psych Ward! I was amazed that my meds were keeping me together! Oops. Jinx?

    Perhaps I’d better stop talking like that… *laughing a little bit*


  6. raginggenius

    I hear you… so far I am the only person in my family that hasn’t wound up in the hospital due to my mentall issues. Gee, I feel so special… ha! I am feeling better and worse at the same time. Worse becasue I can not do this pregnancy without meds like I did the last one. Keeping the faith for you, you got it, I can do that. There’s nothing like a faith growing experience while there’s someone in your womb and you are totally helpless as to what can happen in there. I will get through this. I have a wonderful support system and I am truly blessed to have that, I know many go through hell on their own. xoxo


  7. Hi raginggenius. Yay for you! You actually haven’t managed to land your ass in the hospital for being mental! No, I think that really is quite an accomplishment for some, or a lot of us? ‘Geez, it’s been seven times for me! *rolls eyes*

    I don’t know if I should consider that lucky number seven or unlucky number seven?

    So, still no meds for the pregnancy, huh? Shit. I was hoping for you… Well, you are sounding very strong (to me at least?) about it and that is good. It is also good that you have a strong support system. I’m really happy that you do.

    xoxo back…


  8. raginggenius

    My pastor came by once to take me, but I refused to go. Perhaps I should have went, I don’t know. Maybe I will wind up there sometime?


  9. Hi raginggenius. Well, it is in the past now and just like I have said about my drinking, and how I should have quit long ago: I can’t change the past. I can only move forward.

    Hey, since I am still at J.’s, resting and trying to get well after going totally bananas, he has been drinking wine. I have felt alright except for just one little twinge when I wrote my “silly” Blog Post last night.

    I was feeling a bit “up” and “happy” and was sort of reminded of that high that alcohol would give me. It was like, wow, I’d sure like to feel that again!

    I just let the thought pass, though.

    I’m getting a bit off track here…sorry, brain still mush…

    I guess what I am trying to say, is not to worry so much about whether you should or should not have gone back then. Hospital stays are really just for Emergent Care. Once you are out of “Crisis,” you are simply discharged. They may do some med changes etc… but that’s mostly it.

    Unless you are seriously, seriously ill. I’m talking unable to function on your own. Then they may keep you longer.

    Yes, you may end up requiring a stay at some point, but who knows? Maybe not. What I can tell you after seven of them, is that it’s not that bad or the end of the world. I’ve only had one that was really devastating, and that was my last one. It was more due to the hospital itself, and how they did not deal with Asperger’s or handle that Disorder properly.

    So, I would not write off any hospital stays period. On the contrary. I champion them. When you need help, you need it and you will thank yourself later!


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