Alright, let’s move back a bit to the beginning of my day, prior to when I exploded last night.  Something was desperately wrong with me.  I felt like I was permanently living in a state of Orthostatic Hypotension.  I was so dizzy, felt so faint, and like you could knock me over by simply blowing on me.  I had eaten, had some tea, low blood sugar? That didn’t make sense.  I may have had a headache, too.  I can’t remember.

This continued all day.  I went to see Merlin #2 which was fine–great even.  He gave me refills for my Concerta/Extended Release Methylphenidate.  Yes, you heard that correctly.  Refills for Amphetamines. *shakes head* I love Merlin #2.  He loves me.  Also, inconsequential but he wants to refer me to a therapist.  He said he didn’t do that, and it was up to me to “find one.”  Ah, more love.

So, after that, still feeling so sick.  I met J. for coffee/tea.  I bought a cookie in case this low blood sugar issue was the problem.  It didn’t make any difference.  We had plans for dinner–get me some food.  That made no dent in my ickiness, either.  What was going on?

Transit ride home.  At this point, I was feeling even worse.  I was thinking, am I going to faint? My eyes were blurry, I could barely move, I just stared straight ahead and listened to my iPod.  Then, things started to head a bit in the seizure direction, but I was so out of it, I just couldn’t tell where.

On comes the epigastric rising.  My eyes were such a mess, and I was so weak already, no concept of what they were doing but probably not much in the blinking dept.  But maybe? Was I starting to lose my vision as I have done before while seizing? However, a major Simple Partial (or aura of things to come), as I experienced a huge feeling of panic and fear.  Now, interestingly enough, this happened when I had the same (or similar), type of seizure in the past.  Also, I don’t have Panic Attacks.

After that, an odd motor twitching in my lower, mouth area and jaw.  This is/was something rather new, lest one time when I believe I had something called epilepsia partialis continua. What that is, basically, an going period called “status” (a prolonged–extremely prolonged) seizure.  The name in italics means that version of a Simple Partial Seizure.  I only prayed that wasn’t going to happen because when it did before, it was the most painful thing in the world as per my seizure history.  It lasted for several hours.  I have written about it here before, I believe.  I’m quite sure.

Next, some weakness in my left arm.  This is not looking good.  I am now quickly approaching my stop.  This is not looking good, either.  What is going to happen when I stand up?

I stand up and by this point, my face has stopped doing it’s twitching thing but I am incredibly weak, still feeling like I am about to fall over and am having trouble walking.  I look very odd.  My knees and ankles are all bent in strange positions.  I slowly begin walking and immediately start to shake.  Then begin the motor spasms throughout my entire body, from the neck all the way down.  It is pouring rain, just sheets of it, so I walk under an eave to someone’s flat.  My entire body is going crazy.  I lose all postural tone, and on the way down, drop my rucksack and bang my head on the brick wall where I am standing.

I am still lying there and a huge, immediate, post-“ick”tal© outbreak of tears and wailing comes out of me.  Several people walk past me and offer no assistance.  Either they are too consumed with getting home in the horrible weather, or they think I am drunk, or somehow under the influence of something.  Perhaps both.  The perception of someone being under the influence is such a sad and unfortunate fact of Epilepsy.  It’s really just so awful.

I remain there for what seems like forever, completely drenched, with my limbs sticking out all over, until I think I can move.  I feel paralysed.  When I finally gather the strength and courage to try and move, I do so, but it is so hard.  I stand in the rain, waiting for the light to change at the intersection, to get to the pub across the street.  They know me and I have seized there before.  I walk across the street looking the Quasimodo.  I can only hope that I don’t fall down and get run over by a car.  I do not say this in jest.  I can barely walk.

I see a server I know and can just utter simple words to put me in the back.  Another server I know brings me water and a bag of ice.  I wait.  Eventually, I feel I have enough mobility in my legs to walk home but I am very dizzy.  The pub must have called a taxi to make sure I made it there.  I see one parked outside of where I live with no one in it.  As soon as I make it to the stairs to climb up to the building, it drives away.  Very kind of them.

I do not know how long any of this lasted.  This will not be a very accurate report for Non-Arsey Neuro.

Now, don’t quote me on this, but I think I recall reading a paper how there can be a build up of neuronal activity, and a seizure can act as almost a “release valve,” to let it all go.  I no longer feel they way I did like yesterday.  I could try and find the information, but I am too post-“ick”tal© and out of it in that manner.  However, I may try and find it later.

As per my post-“ick”tal© state.  Extreme fatigue, some dizziness, gastro not so bad but present, extreme cognitive impairment, and in fact, so bad I can not even denote my psychiatric symptoms that usually occur: depression and anxiety.  However, I am sure they are there.  Photophobia and phonophobia.  Headache.  These are the usual suspects, but I may be missing something due to the cognitive impairment.

So, I think that covers everything?

  1. aspietalk

    This post made me cry. The “aw man” crying started at the line “I see a server I know and can just utter simple words to put me in the back. ”

    And I think the “geezus, that is serious” reaction, at the line “Several people walk past me and offer no assistance.” That really brought it home.


  2. Hi aspietalk. Oh, I’m sorry hon’. I always feel bad when people get kind of upset about my seizures and me having Epilepsy. As you and a lot of other people know, I always try to take my diagnoses in stride.

    This was a different kind of post though. More descriptive than me just making simple notations to keep records when I share with my Neuros and other docs later.

    Maybe I should hashtag it as some other people might like to read it since it is more descriptive.



  3. lili

    I hope you start feeling better. It’s good you’ve documentation of everything.


  4. Hi lili. Thanks. Yes, I can not stress enough the importance of documenting seizure events and obtaining witness accounts. It is vital. Even if they may not be completely accurate or what not, you still need to capture as much information as possible.


  5. aspietalk

    don’t apologize. the narrative impulse is an important one, and given i’m a human being who often sees the Art before i become aware of the human, i understand & appreciate your writing.


  6. Hi aspietalk. Thank you. Apology (or some derivative or that word) is my middle name–or should be? Thank you as well for considering what I wrote as “art.” *rolls eyes* I’m not so sure about that!

    And speaking of art, I’ll get on that email you sent.


  7. People are such utter bastards, not even checking to see if you were okay while falling over and crying. Glad there were some nice folk tho that helped you after.


  8. Hi Svasti, thanks for coming by. I was totally gobsmacked! I live in a really good neighbourhood too so I just didn’t get it at all.


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    […] finally got around to doing some research regarding something I wrote in this post about one of my worst seizure episodes ever.  It was a vague reference to the possibility of […]


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