I Am Still Here and I Am Not


I figured that would be a suitable Post Title on the heels of the last? I don’t know what the hell I’m doing right now.  Falling back into the trap of staring at baby MacBook all day? I haven’t hit my night yet and I haven’t opened any apps…so?

Why am I making this Post? Because I’m exhausted, I can’t think…I can’t do anything today.  Just lie in bed!

I am fine, though.  No, I am.  There are reasons for this state of exhaustion and a near comatose, neural state.  Quite good ones, actually–even if one caused a lot of pain? *laughing*

The pain? Well, wee PA may be rather out of shape? More than rather? Two hours of yardwork left her muscles in an awful state.  I am still sore two days later! I feel rather embarrassed, as going cycling does not leave me in this manner! And speaking of the physical…

Some of you may not know anything about this unless you have been following me, or reading me on Twitter.  That is the only place I have mentioned it, as I just took a quick sweep of things here and didn’t see anything.

I’ve been thinking about pursuing some form of Martial Arts and there is a wonderful Dojo in my area.  I have had some email correspondence with them, and despite the fact that my finances are extremely dire, I have decided I am going to do it anyway.  I still need to speak to them in person, but I don’t expect anything too surprising that would make me change my mind.

This has been a serious thing I have wanted to do for years.  This is not a “flight of fancy,” although so many things become so due to my ADD.  Still, this has stuck with me for so long and that being the case, I am trusting that I will not lose interest.  I want to go all the way.  I want my Black Belt.  I do! Imagine it! Wee PA, 5’2″ and all 100lbs. of her, taking down some guy who’s 6’3″ and 240!!! *smirks*

Money for sure, but it’s a damn, good investment: my mind, body and spirit? I can’t see it being that outrageous, and considering I am no longer drinking, I could have gone through their membership costs in…how long if I were still imbibing?

I am also working on other “extra-curricular” activities.  I need to do this (or these things), in order to get me moving, to get me more motivated and things like that.  Reason being, I am still not medically cleared to return to job hunting.  I must say, I do agree with Merlin #2’s verdict, here.  Thus, in doing such things, gaining motivation, confidence, stick whatever name you want on it…hopefully, it will help get me to a place where I can go back to trying to find a bloody job!

Activity number two? For ages as well, I have wanted to try and eradicate completely my stage fright! I developed it later on in my teenage years.  You probably know nothing about that, or you might.  I love being on stage.  It is such an amazing feeling.  So, getting into some theatre work that will start in January.  I need to contact the folks soon.  Deadline and class sizes are limited.

I’m also doing more writing.  That’s an ongoing item, but still good that I am making the time for it.

Another thing I thought about last night regarding me being so tired and out it, is that I am putting a tremendous amount of energy into this “self-work.”  I couldn’t have even thought about doing this, what, even a month ago? No doubt it’s bound to have an effect upon me both mentally and physically.  Mind-Body Connection, right?

So, I don’t know what this means.  Am I now on a “Semi-Blogging Break?” Will I continue to be a bit erratic for an indeterminate period? I’m not sure.  All I know is today I found myself looking at my blog and I noticed some errors with some Widgets.  Then, I started changing a couple of others and before I knew it, I found myself writing this Post! *rolls eyes*

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