Archive for January 22nd, 2010

The other night when I was coming home from school, I realized that all of my studying had made me hypomanic.  Yes, going back to school triggered a Bipolar episode for me.  This was probably due to at least three factors.

I’ve been unemployed from being laid off since the spring of 2008.  I haven’t been in a full time, educational setting in many years.  Finally, assembling this entire “re-integration process” happened in only a few days.  Oh, wait.  Four factors.  I’ve also joined the first class late.  So late, that I have to learn basically all of the material by the middle of February.  No pressure!

That day (night…) I had been working for nine hours straight.  I stayed at the school, as I didn’t want my travel home to interrupt things while they were still fresh in my mind.

Oh, my mind! When I did finally go home, racing thoughts, looking around, everything was aglow! All bright and shiny! My music on my iPod was just so awesome! *laughing*

I think those were all of the crazy things going on? That’s probably because all of my meds did a really good job of reigning in the rest! However, when I got home, I did not want to stop working! People, this was only the fourth day after I started the course.  After the first two, I thought I was going to die; and an extremely painful death, at that! Some hypomania, indeed?

Initially, I thought my hypomania about school was just “the bestest thing ever!” In fact, it took me right back to those golden, old days of uni., when I wasn’t even dx’d.  A lot of the time, I only lifted half a finger to sail through my courses.  Sometimes, I only had to lift my eyelids.

(Hypo)mania is overrated.  At least I think so.  It’s not a good thing.  A lot of other people who have Bipolar may see things differently, but that’s exactly where I’m headed–with a very poor “literal segue!” When you’re (hypo)manic, are you “seeing” or thinking clearly? You might think so, but no.  I hate to “disillusion” you.  Think about your episodes, and then later when you’ve come back down to earth.

Granted, I won’t chastise anyone for their opinions about whatever mental illnesses and/or disorders they have.  The two most common reasons I hear from people who have Bipolar, and their affinity for (hypo)mania, are these: it either enhances creative ability or heightens productivity.  Sometimes they say both.

Again, who am I to judge? All I know is that I can not stand anything that makes me cycle.  Or, better put, I can not stand my cycling, period!

Case in point? My hypomania, and all of the fun it brought me, soon wore off that night.  Another mood shift occurred, and my thoughts started to become rather…warped? Distorted? Then, things weren’t so much “fun,” anymore.