Today was the “Official” Last Day of my Course! We picked up our “Report Cards” and afterward, the few of us and the Instructor went out to lunch.  I didn’t really want to go.  I’m still sick with bronchitis bastardium, however, the other girls in the class really wanted me to be there.  Okay…I don’t like to be “Party Pooper PA.”

We went to a buffet that was Asian in name and a lot of food that they served, but they had other things.  It’s a chain here.  I tend to dislike buffets, as I can never eat the cost of the “All-You-Can-Eat-Special.”  This place is exactly one of those buffets! I don’t know how, but I may have managed to consume about one quarter of my own weight in food.  I’m not sure exactly, but what I am sure of, is that I ate a hell of a lot! That’s very good.  I’m in Gastro Hell again, and also in the Weight Loss Danger Zone again.

So, it is the end of our meal, we pay the bill, and each receive Fortune Cookies! Our Instructor was sitting beside me, and all of the sudden, she started smashing the crap out of the little cookie on the table with her fist! I stared at her for a while.  Then I spoke:

PA: “What the hell are you doing???”

Instructor: “No! No! You guys! You guys! There’s a WAY to do this…!!!”

I sat back and awaited what pearls of wisdom were to come.  Pearls of absolute hilarity, more like it! Now, maybe some of you out there are already familiar with “The Fortune Cookie Ritual.”  Today, I was lucky enough to be Blessed with this Knowledge.  And so, I am here to share it with you.

The Steps of The Fortune Cookie Ritual

  1. Select your Fortune Cookie and “open it” by giving it several, strong blows with your fist against the table.
  2. Select one, single piece of the Fortune Cookie and eat it.
  3. If you are in a group, proceed around your table with the next steps.  If not, do by pair, or alone.
  4. After you have finished eating the one piece of your Fortune Cookie, read aloud your Mystical and Prophetic Fortune from The Cookie! However! DO NOT finish reading your Mystical and Prophetic Fortune from The Cookie, until you have fully understood Step Number 5.
  5. When reading your Mystical and Prophetic Fortune from The Cookie aloud, finish the statement by yelling at the top of your lungs: “…IN BED!!!

May you now go forth, in betterment with this Wisdom, for the Peace and Prosperity of all Humankind.


CODA: So, are you all dying to know what my “Mystical and Prophetic Fortune from The Cookie” was today? Well, I’m still trying to figure it out, actually.  Funny.  It may be rather…well, I don’t know if it’s necessarily “Mystical,” or “Prophetic,” but maybe a head scratcher? Alright, here you are:

“To want to forget something is to think of it…IN BED!!!

Erm…okay.  I’m not sure what to say about that one! I kind of have an inking that it won’t work though…?


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