Archive for May 6th, 2010

But I need to see me.  And it’s hard.  That’s why I’m not talking.  I’m regressing.  And I’m also trying to function.

The thought came to me last night.  It’s very hard to explain.  Even if I had a therapist I can’t imagine what the fuck.  I need to try and turn how I grew up entirely on its head, then backwards and do it alone–to myself.  At least when there was another party involved to “parent” it was “easier?”

I’ll be back…who the hell knows when.  Sorry for worries and lack of response, I really am.  I’ll get to you all.  But that’s just it.  Just one of how many things I need to tackle? Sorry, sorry, sorry… *hangs head in shame*

I don’t even know if this is possible.  But the ways I’ve always been…it’s killing me.  Body, mind and spirit.  It’s ruining my life.  Or it already has? It may still continue to do so?

Speaking of body, yes, physical health problems.  I saw Sweetie GP today, and on top of all the other items outstanding, she’s ordered a whole battery of tests.  I will also be seeing her Dietitian.  Sick, I am.