Whoa.  I can’t remember when I had my earlier gastroscopy but they used Midazolam for my sedation.  I also can’t remember what I felt like post-surgery back then.  Right now, I can’t remember much period.  That’s because they used something different: Propofol.  Oh, holy shit.

When I first came to in recovery, what a blast, man! WHOO HOO! No more whoo hoo.  After resting for a bit, getting hydrated, finishing off with some vitals and removing my IV, all of that…I got up to get dressed.  It was then I figured something might be…a bit “off?”

J. came with me, as you’re supposed to have someone take you home.  I’m at his place right now but another reason for that is, Gastro Man works out of a group of hospitals that are even further away from where J. lives.  J. lives two hours away from me via public transit.  Traveling on my own, regardless of my condition, would have been utterly ridiculous.  Well, after the Propofol? If I had to go anywhere on my own, it would have been on my hands and knees.  Yes, I definitely brought my cane!

It appears I may have suffered some side effects? Yes, I am still feeling completely zoned, but some of the less common ones are nausea and agitation.  Yay.  Also, the anesthetist was particularly interested in my epilepsy and seizure patterns–definitely my most recent events.  There’s a bit of a contraindication.  So far I haven’t seized! *rolls eyes*  Don’t feel Gastro Man is in any way incompetent.  No, he is excellent, as is the rest of my team.

We had a good chat about my six minute procedure (it’s amazing what being under a general anesthetic will do to warp your world.)  He said no cancer, no ulcerations.  Just a whole whack of biopsies and our continual focus on malabsorption issues (or hell, anything else?) I also reminded him to get in touch with Sweetie GP.  He said he’d email her to keep her in the loop.  He also told me to call his office in a couple of days to make an appt. to review the biopsies, as they’ll come back fairly soon.  We need to review my blood work, as well.

I won’t be able to make it home tonight.  I kind of wish I could.  Some friends of J.’s came to pick us up and they are staying for dinner (that I cannot eat right now!) I also cannot socialize right now.  This couple are lovely, though.  They know I am completely bananas, totally mental.  I’ve popped a Valium and am sitting here being barely social on the couch right in the middle of things! Lord.


Surprised I could even put this post together but it’s allowing me to continue to be anti-social and also…keeping my brain…sort of…working…?


  1. I’m so glad your stomach is still here and that there was nothing really alarming in it. And I hope *you* come back soon, too. I know I’m a big, nosey busybody, but may I ask you something? Of course, you don’t have to answer. Do you think you have anger or fear from your childhood situation that you are not acknowledging and can’t really feel and process? I had ALL KINDS of terrible physical problems when that was my story, so I’m just wondering. Because I think most of us can agree that stress and conflict can aggravate health conditions. I was diagnosed with arthritis more than a decade ago. Supposedly degenarative, progressive and incurable, really. I haven’t heard from it in years. I think it was being caused by bottled up rage that I didn’t even know I had. I don’t keep that stuff inside anymore. And my knees, wrists, fingers, neck and spine are very happy about that (especially my knees and my neck – they’re practically dancing in the streets if you don’t count the rest of me – my inhibitions that would prevent actual street dancing :-).

    I wish you wellness, PA. You deserve wellness. And if you are angry and/ or afraid (sometimes I still get IBS flare-ups when I’m afraid), feel free to let loose and write about anything you want. I will listen. And there is no such thing as saying the wrong thing when you are talking about your very own feelings on your very own blog.



  2. And I don’t think your brain is broken. I’m not sure a truly broken brain would be able to write a blog like this one. I LIKE your brain. (And just a tad of extra hope – my sister used to have epilepsy and it somehow suddenly disappeared never to return. I like her brain, too. I always have.)


  3. Hi Ethereal Highway. Good to see you again. Oh, god. Your comment made me cry. Sometimes I get ones that do that. Thank you so much for the hugs as well. I am going through some challenges right now but when am I not! *laughing*

    Also, I don’t mind answering your question/s at all. I’m very open on my blog, so I welcome any questions readers may have.

    As far as my broken brain, I use a lot of sarcasm and self-deprecation on this blog. It’s just my sense of humour–or a couple of facets of it. However, interestingly enough, it could lend very much to the question you ask (in theory.) It could almost serve as a mask at times. Nonetheless, I still stick to the fact that it is definitely part of my off-the-wall, even boundary crossing, sense of humour!

    I read a book recently called: ‘When The Body Says No’ by Gabor Mate. It didn’t say that patterns or traits such as withholding anger and always putting others first rather than yourself (both of which I do) plus more traits, are causal links to chronic and/or fatal diseases. No, they actually appeared over and over again in these peoples’ lives!

    When I read certain parts of the book, I was astounded in how these people seemed like mirrors of me. It is a bit repetitive in telling the stories to drive the point home, but even still. So, it made me think. I’ve got a lot of work to do. Granted, I’ve been thinking that a lot lately, already!

    But what you say is right. There IS so much anger, fear, repression…the whole lot of it, that I cannot, but need to process! Also along with that, virtually no memory of my past to work with. Although, you read that other post I came up with (the “Happy Place” one) so I am at least trying to deal with things that way for now? And it has yielded some positive results, even if they are not monumental.

    I also believe so strongly in the Mind-body connection. It’s all inter-related. Also, I’m really glad that you’re feeling better physically (and probably mentally too!) from letting go of some things. That’s great.

    Back to my brain? I fear it doesn’t “work” like it used to. Fear, literally. It scares me.

    I know I’ve lost some function due to being on Anticonvulsants. I gained that “knowledge” as soon as I started them. Some of the side effects can make you pretty dull cognitively. I’ve lost my ability to recall words, spell them, their meanings. So sad for someone who writes?

    My ADD has killed my ability to read. So sad for someone who used to devour books? At least getting on stims has helped me recover that ability somewhat. But not to the degree where I was before.

    My memory does not function as it used to. I’m not sure why. The meds? The epilepsy and my seizures getting worse? I’ve suffered several head injuries over time now, and one confirmed concussion.

    Then there is the Auditory Processing Disorder due to the Asperger’s. That drives me nuts. What? I’m sorry, could you repeat that? The combination of sounds and I can’t ascertain what something is.

    I won’t complain too much about the Dysgraphia. It’s more of a nuisance.

    This Dyscalculia? Wow! Technically it is a Learning Disorder. Both it and the Dysgraphia are commonly found among folks on the Spectrum. The Dyscalculia for me is really bad, and it also has other implications for “life things,” if you can imagine how math deals with more than just numbers (e.g. spatial sense, directional navigation, the concept of time…it’s all very interesting–and ugly!) *shakes broken brain*

    Okay, (broken) brain rant over. I could probably go on? I just woke up and need my tea. I am completely rambling. I’m not sure what to blog (or rant or whatever) about yet, either.

    Thank you so much again for your support. *hugs*


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