I’ve asked myself this question before but maybe not so much in the forthcoming manner.  I’m going to end up “interviewing” myself here, as well.  You may learn a bit more about my blogging habits than I’ve revealed, but if there’s one thing this blog is, that would be honest! In fact, I think I’ve actually revealed some things to me!

However, before I begin, how have I asked this in the past? I suppose it’s been more in an immediate sense.  Done out of frustration? I’ve questioned the point of my writing, as I’ve felt it all garbage.  I’ve felt angst and anxiety when I couldn’t come up with material.

I’ve found blogging tedious, boring.  I’ve posted how many times about needing a break, only to come right back! Then, I feel it’s some kind of crazy addiction! That confuses me like you wouldn’t believe and drives me totally over the edge!

So, I’m going to ask this question now (and a few more) in a broader sense.

1. Why, just exactly, the hell do I blog?

In no particular order: I find it cathartic, I do want to help people and provide useful information if I can.  I use my blog as a diary–a tool for tracking details about my own mental health issues (e.g. my seizures.)  I try to use it as a creative outlet and I’ve used it to reach out to others, whether I know if they’re reading or not.  Sometimes as a cry for help.

2. Do you regret any of your posts?

Oh, shit yeah! There are some that I used to call (and I still do) “Drive-by’s.”  As in a Drive-by Shooting? I can’t take credit for that term.  I read it on another blogger’s blog who had me blogrolled.

Those posts were written when I was generally in self-medication heaven (or hell.)  They’re pretty fucked up  (or entertaining dependent upon your perspective.)  Then again, I was too (fucked up, but not entertaining!) I could include some “non-self-medicated” ones, where I was just plain, old bonkers, but the Drive-by’s I usually reserve for the ones I wrote while being wasted.

Many of my “cries for help” posts I am extremely embarrassed about.  It may not be so much in writing them, but more about they way I did it.  I’m not sure.  I don’t like to ask for help, let alone cry for it!

3. Beyond individual posts, do you feel anything negative about your blog, overall?

Not really.  As an entire package, I don’t think I have any strong feelings regarding it, period.

4. Have you ever wished you never started your blog?

Oh, god.  This is one of those weird, hypothetical questions where you really have no clue, do you? How can you go back to any decision you’ve ever made, and imagine how it would have affected your life, all the way up to present day!

I suppose I would have to say yes.  Or at least thought about it at some points? This blog has been around for a little over 3.5 years.  Hmmm…lots to think about? Lots of potential “yes” answers, there? And even though wishing I’d never started may seem counterintuitive to the prior question, that one is all about content.

My blog has taken me down some twisted roads, darkened alleys, over rocky terrain, through beautiful gardens and left me standing still, scratching my head at empty crossroads.  It’s brought to me so many emotions.  I don’t even know if I could name them all–and that has nothing to do with my Alexithymia! Some of them I was already well aquainted with; some I preferred never to get to know!

5. Do you think you’ll ever shut down your blog or quit blogging?

I don’t know.  For now, though? Nope.

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  1. Is there anything I can do to make your blogging more pleasant?

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  2. Hi Canageek. Just keep responding, I guess? Hey, it will keep me talking (or feel like I’m just not talking to myself?) *rolls eyes*

    I’m kidding. People can respond if they want to or not. I’m not looking for attention, here. *rolls eyes again*

    Oops. I wrote up there about writing posts as “cries for help.” Uh…yeah… I still don’t think I’m so happy about that? *sighs*

    Thanks again, hon. *hugs*

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  3. Nice post, thanks for pointing me to it. Very clever idea to interview yourself. Blogging has really helped me, but I’m not sure if it’s just the act of writing, or if having a few people reading helps too. Well, actually I am sure. I wouldn’t have written without at least a small audience, and the comments I get, though few in number, help me a great deal. Even so, I go through periods, such as when I left my comment on your other post, where blogging feels pointless and self-centered. I often quit writing when that happens. But like you, I keep coming back. In my case I’ve only been going for 15 months, but I imagine I’ll get to the 3-4 year point, and beyond. Best wishes.

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  4. Hi WillSpirit. Thanks for coming back and reading this post. Thanks as well for thinking it clever of me in “interviewing” myself, too. I thought it better than me sitting there with my thumb up my arse (as usual) and simply musing over the concept as I had done so often before. Also, as I wrote in the post, I did learn some things about my own blogging habits!

    There is another thing I can toss in that another psych blogger told me. I’m surprised he didn’t show up for all of this. He is the one that I originally made reference to in the other post, where we’d talked about it so much, and he knew the other blogger from the past I mentioned. Maybe he just doesn’t want to get into it anymore! *laughing* No, I’m just kidding. We are very good friends.

    He told me when I was going through this before and blogging so regularly, that it was very hard to maintain a blog like mine that is (or can be) extremely personal, honest and intense. To try and keep going like that? Well, inevitable to take its toll?

    He said, mix it up, talk about non-psych stuff, slow down…all sorts of things that I tried to do–and still try to do. And yet, I still keep coming back to, perhaps, what is familiar. As they say, “Write about what you know!”

    You also mentioned in your comment some things that really affect you. Another thing I didn’t mention specifically in that post a few days ago, or in this one, is that I have received comments from people that have made me cry. It’s true. Unequivocally, without a doubt, that has impacted me the most!

    I sit there stunned, tears welling up in my eyes, reading a person’s comment (and it’s a stranger’s!) and those tears just spill down my cheeks. I cannot believe a post I have written, has made someone I do not even know, feel in such a way.

    It kind of freaks me out as all hell, but is it an inspiration to keep going? Well, maybe in a way it is.

    Best wishes to you too, and take care.

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