Not really so much of a joke here.  Funny in an odd sense, however?

I went out drinking last night, and of course, a stupid thing to do.  Nonetheless, human beings are stupid creatures, and I may be a real prize winning example, there.  With my obscenely, long, self-medication history, when you are battling a lot of demons in your head, that demon itself, may come knockin’ on your doorstep.  It’s not your demon, though.  It’s an old friend that’s never left your side.  Always there.  Reliable to a “fault.”  Helping you through everything you’ve ever had to deal with, over all those years.

So, it’s pretty hard not to welcome that old buddy back with open arms.  Even though I’d left him behind some time ago.

I left the pub without even bothering to finish my last drink.  Or second last…third last…  It was my last, though.  Still, it very easily couldn’t have been.

Alcoholism is a disease.  Many strong theories abound regarding genetics (yep, over here) and even the hardwiring of brains.  An “off” switch is lacking, in simple terms.  Alcohol doesn’t affect the alcoholic’s brain in a certain manner, and subsequently bodily processes in a certain manner.  Unlike other people–whose brains are different.

Anyway, how “funny” or “odd,” that someone who could probably drink the vast majority of you under the table, simply walked away.  Why not just keep drinking if I was in such rough shape to begin with?

I was tired.  I wasn’t even completely plastered! If anything, I was drunk on exhaustion! Or drunk on fighting.  This battle.

I am tired.  Maybe it’s time to put down my sword.  At least for today? I think I already have, and will leave it laying on the floor for the rest of the night.  Well, I shall try, at least.

Because the thing is, I can’t stop this battle.  You only get so many chances (if any?) to try and make sense of things in your own little Universe.  And when you do, you might actually end up finding that your own little Universe is not be so “little” after all.  Despite the fact that this is making me go insane at various points, almost killing me, too, I should probably–no definitely–consider myself quite lucky.  If I have to go through all of this to make it out the other side? It should all be worth it?


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