I was so pissed off last night, I couldn’t even post this.  Based upon that, I think it needs some editing? Well, the beginning, as I started off quite ranty.  This was due to the questionable results of the biopsies from my recent gastroscopy, and how I had said in my last post that I didn’t feel women should be in any way “envious” of the way I look.  Then I went on a real, rip-roaring, tear about how you could go ahead and love me if I looked so hot! After that, I listed compliments people had given me.

Folks, I’m pretty shy about that stuff.  I really do appreciate any compliments people give me, but it’s taken me years to learn how to try and accept them with some form of grace.  I have poor perceptions of my own body and, yes, I think we all do to a point.  However, mine may go further into Asperger’s territory.  Do I have problems reading my own social cues? That would not surprise me in the least!

So, cranky day yesterday.  I could hardly believe I was in such a foul mood.  The first thing was all to do with the biopsies.  Gastro Man told me to call his office a couple of weeks after the gastroscopy, as the biopsies should have been back by then, and we could review them.  After explaining this to his Admin. to finally get it through her head (it took something like a Square Dance combined with a Box Step) she said she would call me back.  This was due to the fact that he wasn’t taking any appointments until December.

I understand this.  Gastro Man is very busy.  Nonetheless, I’m sick, the gastroscopy wasn’t done for either of our jollies, and this was to review the biopsies.  In fact, he told me to call about them! Yes?

I’m seeing him in December for a “Follow Up.”  I don’t believe Gastro Man is putting me off.  No.  Dr. PA has ongoing love affairs with all of her physicians.  What I believe, is that the biopsies showed nothing of significance, or nothing at all! Also, please note, we did discuss anything of major significance after the procedure while I was post-op.  Nil.

You might think it odd to want any positive results so desperately from biopsies.  Reason being? Well, apart from wanting a solution to treat for so long, this time around I’ve (we’ve!) been headed in a certain, diagnostic direction.  If it’s not that (or anything else…)  Well, goddamn it! Oh, I’m seeing Sweetie GPs Dietitian on Monday, by the way.  That should be hilarious! To gain what I need requires ingesting oh…somewhere around 3,600 calories a day!

Next, my brain.  School yesterday.  Dyscalculia and Dysgraphia Hell! I’m beginning my Accounting Classes.  I know.  The ultimate punchline for someone with a degree of Dyscalculia that I have.  It’s so redonculous, I can barely fill out my restaurant bills.

We’re not even doing much arithmetic, really, but I feel it’s important to understand how Dyscalculia “works” in a broader sense.  It affects anything (and everything?) to do with “math.”  Here are some of my issues.

Directions and Navigation. I get lost wherever I go, and have to plan routes over and over if they’re not ones I take on a habitual basis.  Spatial Skills. Wow.  So much of my perception, clumsiness (apart from my overall.)  Geometry. How I visualize things.  Trying to interpret certain things I just…I can’t wrap my head around them and how they look.  Like in class.  A “chart” was drawn but not “divided” or broken up “properly.”  I was totally lost.  Time. Time is math? I have worked so hard on time (apart from my ADD!) Gotta love my comorbidities!

I just couldn’t keep up yesterday.  We kept going around the room to give answers.  Then the good, ol’ Dysgraphia kicked in! It got worse and worse from the pressure of the Dyscalculia! I was trying to correct everything, they were on question 18 and I was still on number 12?

I even thought I was about to have a Reflex seizure! There is a specific type for doing arithmetic calculations.  I’m not kidding.  Even if I didn’t have that specific “type,” with my brain it wouldn’t have mattered! My brain has a “mind” of its own! *rolls eyes*  I started to feel my vision go blurry and then just kept shaking my head.  All the while, closing my eyes and thinking: ‘…no…no…no…’

I’m so glad yesterday is over.  Granted, lots more to tackle, lots more, but today is definitely better.


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