Archive for July 21st, 2010

I need them.  I do.  However, by and large, in their strictest, most basic, and even literal forms for me to survive.  This is due to several of my diagnoses.

If I can ever hope to get anything done, I must write lists upon lists.  Time is a concept that remains perpetually elusive.  I must continually plan travel routes over and over, hours or even days ahead of leaving (despite any fact I’ve been there before.)  These are just a few examples of how I must strive to maintain some semblance of order in my life.

Recently, I have become aware of a “Ritual” that has not been very healthy for me.  I will get up, perform my “Morning Rituals,” and incorporate it into those: posting on my blog.  Even if I don’t post on my blog daily, the act is still remaining so “Repetitious,” that it has become a “Ritual” on its own.

So, now you may all be asking: “PA, yet another blogging break? You’ll just come back 24 hours later, right?” No, I don’t think I will come back 24 hours later.  That is, to post.  I’ll still be around to respond to comments if they come in.  I am also writing this so none of you will think I’ve gone and offed myself, since I’ve been talking about suicide so much.

My “Blogging Rituals” have become completely ridiculous! My posts are nothing but “Repetitive” in becoming so “Ritualistic!” I mean, for god’s sake! The other night, I locked down my blog, then I unlocked it.  Then I wrote a post about it.  Then I deleted my post telling everyone I locked it, and then unlocked it!

What the hell am I doing? Clearly (for now?) blogging is not doing me any favours. *shakes head*  At least I am realizing it?

I’m thinking back to a blogger I knew (and one of my subscribers knew, too!) Granted, this subscriber could telepathically read all I’ve written here, as we’ve discussed this whole issue countless times, anyway.  Telepathy may or may not be required for the next, but this subscriber should definitely be able to ascertain, said blogger?

Oh, dear.  I’m sort of laughing when I think of this person’s “blogging mayhem,” but it’s not funny.  Maybe it’s a sort of odd, small laugh.  Driven out of you by a sense of pathos.

Some time ago, quite some time ago, this person’s blog was like a yo-yo on a roller coaster! It was up, down, locked, unlocked, email up and down, as well.  No contact, off the radar, then back, but maybe just for a few seconds.  Then back again, and all is fine.  Then a brand new blog set up.  Then it was taken down.

Gee, did I catch all of the history, there? I’m not sure as there was so much going on.  I may have actually added details that didn’t happen, based upon that reason.  Either way, I think I get the idea.  That person is long gone.

You see, I don’t want to end up like that.  Obviously, that blogger was going through a lot of shit.  It was made patently obvious to the entire, online world via their blog.  I’m going through a lot of shit.  I think more than enough of it has been shot all over the entire, online world via my blog.  I think my blog has become a PzH 2000 Howitzer for the Internet.  Only I’ve made some serious modifications to it, in the way that it fires and the projectiles it uses.

There are no “Rules” to blogging, as the whole notion of it is so utterly vague and completely personal.  Nonetheless, some things are often said.  One of which is, blogging is supposed to be: <insert positive word/s of choice here>.  The minute you start inserting any words that are even remotely negative, you need to do some hard thinking.

This thinking will be hard.  Trust me.  I do enjoy blogging, but…ahhh…  Well, at this juncture, let’s just say I enjoyed it a lot more in the past.