Archive for July 27th, 2010


Well, it looks like I’m officially back blogging.  At least I think I am? Or maybe? I don’t know. *shakes head*

One thing I do know, is that when I wasn’t writing, I certainly needed to take care of this if/when I came back.  Another thing I know exactly at this moment (regardless of my blogging state) is I definitely want to write something to hopefully offset that doozy from last night! That wasn’t a very “happy” post.

So, thank you very much to Svasti for this wee, blogging award.

Thank you Svasti!

Thank you Svasti!

I have added it to my sidebar along with others that I have received.  At least with this one, I remember who gave it to me! The others? Oh, my.  Just to prove I have remembered, I have added a “Thank you” hover!

This award came with “attachments.”  Sorry, bad joke.  I am supposed to pass it along to five people.  I am awful at doing this and memes, as well.  I think I still have two outstanding memes from a year ago.  One may be floating around on a scrap of paper where I think I answered the questions, at least.  So, please pardon me whoever sent that one.  Maybe partial points for trying?

I’m going to go back to all of my other awards received, and create hovers for those, now.  Even though I’m not quite sure who gave them to me.  So, pardon me if I get you wrong! Some may remain as blank as the expression on my face as I’m writing this, if they really stump me.  Please feel free to let me know if I get anything mixed up and I’ll fix them.


I’ve ventured back out into the online world, now feeling like I want to run away all over again.  Gee, did I “push” myself by making a single post and pissing about on Twitter tonight? Writing a couple of measly things, and chucking up a bunch of songs on blip.fm?

Truly, I was only bored.  I had cabin fever.  I’ve been trying to write (when my brain is willing to cooperate) so I “ventured” out of my flat.  Yes, try to escape my hermetically sealed existence.  Oh, alright! I confess! I poke holes in the bag to breathe!

More “Truliness.”  I’m pissed off.  I know.  More repetition in my posting.  I’m not only pissed off with my life, but I’m pissed off with a bunch of other shit, as well.

Even more “Truliness.”  If I thought it would help, I’d toss my sorry, sad ass into hospital right now! If I met any other person in the state I am? I’d drag them by the roots of their hair if I had to get them to go inpatient.  So, why do you think I may be a tad hypocritical, here? Well, even if I explain, you still might see me as a hypocrite.

After seven hospitalizations, it really is pointless seeing a shrink that doesn’t know me from their own interns (actually, they may know me better than their interns.)  Scary thought, that! Even better demonstrated? Dr. PA knows her own screwed up bean.  Dr. PA’s Team knows her screwed up bean.  They work together on her screwed up bean.  Even if a shrink that does know me better than their interns tries to help, they still won’t have a clue and listen to Dr. PA.  This was proven by her last hospitalization!

After four days, I went from being in crisis to not, then immediately discharged.  This was all due to me having Asperger’s and due to that, being (or appearing) so bloody smart! Well, I am Dr. PA so I do understand my illnesses, disorders and psychiatry.  Nonetheless.  They said I was so smart, they didn’t deal with Asperger’s and I needed outpatient therapy–despite the fact that I still wanted to kill myself.

“Truliness,” I very much would like to go to hospital right now.  I really would.  But another thing I’ve learned in navigating our system for so long.  Harder to talk your way in and go voluntary.  Yes, fight to get help! Exhausting.  So, even if I were to…? I have to hang on until I see Non-Arsey Neuro on the 9th of August to go over meds.  That was the earliest appt. they had.

I’ll try and go to bed in a bit.  My mind is racing.  My head is hurting.  Please not another “overstimulated-migraine-brain-thinks-you’re-having-a-seizure-whack-out.”  I should have something to eat.  Try to relax.  See what the hell tomorrow brings.  Probably nothing different.