Archive for July 30th, 2010

Following up with Merlin #2 being surprisingly a total ass, my meds have been changed.  I actually had to fight to get it done as per that post, which is astoundingly stupid.  Nonetheless, on with the show! What’s up with my bean, and what is happening after getting down on my hands and knees?

As I had preferred, a titration of the Lamictal/Lamotrigine.  It’s known for having a fairly, solid reputation for kicking Bipolar Depression in the ass.  That is what I need.  How high? I was on 200mg, so up to 300mg? Add another 100mg? That might be a little too much–at least all at once! I was aiming for another 50mg.  That’s what I got.  Even some doctors might think that’s pretty high right off the bat.

I won’t bother moaning and groaning, on and on, more and more, about “THE RASH!” and SJS.  I know I can handle 50mg straight away, and I really, rather would.  I need to get out of this awful place where I have been for over a month.  I can’t do it without meds.  So, I’ll deal with any/all side effects in the meantime.

We also upped my Seroquel/Quetiapine another 50mg that I take at night for sleep.  I’m not sure why.  It doesn’t carry over into the day to ease any anxiety.  My 150mg has been alright for sleep, lately? I think? I don’t know because I am completely out of it, right now.  This is not surprising in the least.  I am still feeling a lot of anxiety, but I doubt that has anything to do with the side effects.  My anxiety has been through the roof for ages.

What side effects did I nail? Well, pretty much all the basic ones you would expect for an Anticonvulsant, but a couple of surprises.  I’m dopey as hell, dizzy, not so stable on my feet, so Wonder Cane is at my side as I’m moving around.

Although, it’s not so much that I’m “unstable.”  It’s not like I have ataxia or anything.  That is one possible side effect.  That means you can’t coordinate your movement, and it’s more of a neurological problem.  It’s probably the combination of being cognitively impaired, dizzy and more clumsy.  I need Wonder Cane as a “safety precaution!” I don’t want to fall down and get injured!

My stomach is off.  Typical.  Nauseous.  I have a wee headache.  Dry mouth.  Yep, that’s a biggie.  Need lots of water!

Here are the two surprises.  Now, you would think with jumping up to 200mg of the Seroquel from 150mg, I’d be knocked out like a sledgehammer hit me to the head! I thought so, as well.  The Lamictal is causing insomnia! There is a massive battle going on for sleep in my brain, right now.  I only got a few hours of completely, broken sleep last night.  I couldn’t believe it.

The other surprise? It is listed as a side effect and may not be that common, but…  Increased libido! Yes! My sex drive has shot up amidst all of this other stuff! *laughing*

Ah, meds…

I couldn’t believe what happened yesterday.  I still can’t! For the second time in three years, Merlin #2 and I had a fight about him prescribing me my meds! What the…? Holy…  Forget burning me in effigy.   Just toss me up there on the pole, doused in gasoline, and toss the match! And at a goddamn time like this??? When I have completely lost my mind???

See PA in crisis? See PA explode! Oh, no.  It was bad.  I was yelling at him, I was in bawling my eyes out.  At one point, he said to me: “Well, what do you want me to do?” I screamed back at him: I WANT YOU TO FUCKING HELP ME!!!

Now, it is not unusual for me to use profanity when speaking to Merlin #2.  In fact, I can swear in front of all my physicians.  They’re cool.  We’re all a laid back bunch.

I generally tend to let it fly mostly with Merlin #2.  That is because I get more pissed off because of my psych shit than anything else.  However, I never yell, cry and swear.  Hell, I never raise my voice with anyone! I don’t feel it necessary when in conflict.  May we please sit down and discuss this as mature adults? It needn’t get this far! In fact, I’ve never cried in front of Merlin #2, or any of the others, either.

Well, apparently and unfortunately, it bloody well did have to get that far, yesterday! I had spelled everything out for him but nothing was getting through! He kept saying (as that one time before) only Non-Arsey Neuro could prescribe and/or change my meds!

It’s too complicated to get into how I managed to find all of my team, but prior to that, I only had Arsey Neuro and Sweetie GP.  Since Arsey Neuro was so completely Arsey, Sweetie GP was there to cover me if he dropped the ball–which he so often did.  Thus, I yelled at Merlin #2, if he would not help me, I would run straight to Sweetie GP as she would!

I told him the entire point of this appt. was that things were getting worse–FAST! I could not hang on until my appt. with Non-Arsey Neuro, that was over a week away! That is why I was thankfully fit in within 24 hours! I was desperate!

There is so much additional that I am leaving out for brevity, but I would say we spent half our appt. or more, arguing with each other.  It was truly insane.

Finally, finally, he “decided” to go with what I had originally stated as the best option.  I burst out in tears again (out of more frustration, relief…probably both!) Still, at the top of my voice, I basically told him: “Thanks for actually listening, you nimrod! Why did I have to go through all of that, you asshole!”

Did he revert to some kind of “aboulomania?” I know he certainly wasn’t suffering from “doromania!” Actually, I think his problem was definitely “potichomania!” Yep, that one makes total sense.

Since this is pretty long already, I’m going to make another post about how the meds I had to fight so hard for are affecting me.  I’ve got lots of time (even if only a few brain cells.)  Not surprisingly, I’m bedridden.