I always call myself “The Queen of Bad Timing.”  That’s because so often, the most ridiculous crap shoots out of my mouth before I have any clue it’s about to, or I choose to deliver bad news at the most inappropriate moments.  I wasn’t even sure if I was going to write about this, but what the hell.  It’s not making so much sense to me, as stating I am “cognitively impaired” due to my med titration is…meaningless.  Those words have been removed from my lexicon.  So has the word “brain.”

Enter King of Bad Timing stage left.

I went to see Merlin #2 yesterday (bless my friend P. for driving.)  Oh, King Merlin! Why, oh why, did you decide to bring this up now? Could you not have waited until at least I was over the side effects of this titration?

When it happened, I could barely understand what he meant, keep track of his actual words, bring myself out of shock…  Now, I am trying to remember the roundabout conversation, what exactly was said and when, ascertain his motives.  Still, does any of that matter? Is the end result the same?

I may not get it verbatim but how it actually started was like Hiroshima on my head.  He said to me, “I’m seriously wondering if you can work.  You have a lot of issues.  A lot of problems.  I’m really quite worried.”

What do you think? Good timing? I’m still trying to deal with med changes and “Her Royal Highness” doesn’t even know exactly how stable she is, because she’s so out of it!

Then we started going hither and yon, up and down, backward and forward.  If I wasn’t so bloody nauseous and dizzy from the meds, I sure was by this horrific topic of conversation.  However, not so much “Hiroshima Head,” anymore.  Not like I wouldn’t be capable of doing anything.

Stability.  Pfft.  He had also asked me how my depression was earlier on in the appt.  Well, let me tell you “King,” if you wanted to make it worse, you did a fine job yesterday!

Although, is this issue valid? Is it not? This is the part where no matter how much “sense” it didn’t make to me yesterday or today…does it really make sense? Is it a reality I must face–and one that I thought I would never have to face? Have I actually become so disabled (a word I don’t even call myself!) that I cannot live the life I used to? Life as I’ve always known it to be?

  1. man, sometimes it seems that if it wasn’t for bad luck, you wouldn’t have any at all, lol (sorta).

    U do hav some amazing friends, squiddles who think ur fun to play with, have had some great experiences at the the exotic aminal rescue, and recently the fire works, and enjoy your quiet moments with tea in the evening.

    and probably a whole bunch of other stuff i have no idea about.

    Ok, lame attempt to look on the bright side over.

    Take care ((((PA))))


  2. Hi Arkay. Yes, one of those idioms, right? I was thinking of some last night, actually. How about this one:

    “When one door closes; another one opens.”

    Now, I was laid off almost 2.5 years ago. I don’t mean to sound like I’m whining, but where’s my damn open door!!!

    I feel like all I’m getting are open doors slammed in my face. Sometimes, I’ll even try keeping them open by sticking my foot inside like a persistent, obnoxious, television detective, or even some cartoon version of a mafioso:

    “Wait a minute open door. I’m not letting you close yet…”

    All that results in is still another door slammed…plus a fractured foot.

    Funny you should mention “friends,” too. Not doing so well on that front. It’s another issue I need to deal with, and I’m trying to keep it out of my mind at the moment, but I can’t.

    Basically the only friendship I have is, I think(?) now becoming, or verging on, abusive. Or something. For now, though, it’s extremely toxic. I can’t be near this person, yet they are still contacting me despite me telling them not to. I’m going to have to get that sorted, at least. I think?

    Oh, I don’t know. I’m still fuzzed with the meds, but it’s Day Five so I should be okay by end of day? Although, the Gravol definitely makes me more fuzzed!

    Oops! You see? Fuzzed! Forgot the *hugs back* Thanks, dear.


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