I’ve still got loads of time to kill (well, maybe not loads.) *checks clock while proofing*  Still, enough time to listen to my fingers tap away at the keyboard.  That tapping being the sound of frustration and fear.

I planned to do this yesterday.  Go out, hit some of the local clinics and see if they would take me on for the internship/co-op/I-really-don’t-give-a toss-what-to-call-it-anymore.  This is part of the school’s program that I enrolled in at the beginning of the year.  I actually finished the program a long time ago.  The only thing that remains is the above.  I could just skip it, but I would like the experience.  It would give me a possible edge, that may get my resume somewhere remotely near the top of the pile, when competing with all the other applicants.

At this point, I suppose I really can say that I am frustrated.  I don’t understand what the problem is with finding clinics that will take us on.  If this was part of the prospectus or curriculum, then why is this occurring? Not to mention, despite having problems finding placements for my/our class, another has just come through right behind.  Thus, I must take matters into my own hands.

I am not comfortable at all with cold calls of any sort.  Not that Aspies are so special, but I don’t think you will find a single one that is particularly good at it.  Not even “particularly!” Even if it was for a job of our “narrowed obssessed narrowed field of interest.”  They might just do the same thing that I do.  Plus, I don’t think it’s just the Asperger’s.  It’s probably all of my diagnoses!

Dependent upon the cold call, this is what I’ll do:

Voice: I speak way too long, I stumble through my words sounding like I’m a total cretin, I may be somewhat repetitive and I must concentrate very hard not to indicate I have a bit of a stutter (that of course has a tendency to pop up sometimes when I’m nervous!)

I know that voicemail messages are to be kept extremely brief in the professional world.  I think most of mine last approximately a full minute.

In Person: They say you should prepare a “speech.”  Well, this is a pretty useless task for me, as far as I see it.  It’s not so much writing one, but I feel it’s worse to memorize it! I did theatre work for years, but now I have terrible stage fright.  I really want to get over it, but an In Person Cold Call is not the place to try!

So, I think about important points in my head (that I have already thought about.)  I attempt to be so pleasant it would make all of you gag.  I try to not trip over my tongue and, yes, that stutter business, as well.  Oh, I try not to throw up, too.  And be brief.  And make REALLY strong eye contact.  And…  Oh, bugger it! I don’t know! Just wing it? At least my stage fright hasn’t robbed me of my Improv Skills? I don’t have a damn clue!

I need a Valium. *pops pill while still drinking vats of tea to get head on straight* HA! I think I could drink all the tea in my flat and it may not help!

Next question.  What to wear! It’s stiflingly hot and humid out today! I don’t think I’m in the mood for a skirt.  No.  Nice top and dress pants.  Clothes are easy.  PA rarely ends up having a “Fashion Crisis.”

However, speaking of some kind of “Employment Crisis?” Worse than doing this today? Or maybe not? She’s still too much in shock to tell.  She checked out the website again for one place she is visiting.  She read they have just opened a new clinic downtown in her city and they were hiring! Although, they didn’t say where, for what or…  She just filled out the online information required, and shot off her resume!

Okay, should probably jump in the shower now.  That will give me more time to be nervous prepare, drink tea and mess around online.

  1. Oh I know exactly what you go through. No, really, I do. I may be a boring NT but I HATE doing the whole cold calling crappola thing. I hated having to go into a place, put on a face that is not mine and basically try to convince someone I will the best thing they have hired since the soda machine.


    And the thing is…I *know* I am the best thing they will hire since they thought about starting their freaking company. I am confident enough in what I know I can do well.

    I just hate the show…the paraphernalia…the act.

    So…chin up, PA…may you do much better than I ever did!



  2. May

    Job searches totally suck. I share your anxiety about going to go about them. Blah…


  3. Hi Maria. First, don’t call yourself “a boring NT.” I don’t find NTs boring. Well, not all of them, but I don’t make generalizations about anyone or anything. There can be a hell of a lot of boring people who are totally bonkers! That’s for sure. I’d rather hang out with someone who’s interesting, diagnosis or no.

    You are so funny. Soda machine. *laughing* I think sometimes I’d wonder if the machine might be smarter than me! Then again, if someone were to give me cash in hand directly, I might perform better on the job!

    That is good that you feel confident enough. It is so true regarding the dog and pony, as well, eh? You can’t escape those, though. Even when you get hired. It may actually become part of your job description!

    Thanks so much for your confidence in me as well, hon. I appreciate that. Time will tell? Hopefully soon…ish?

    Hi May. Absolutely. It was funny (and I find this happens a lot.) I got better as I went along! Yep. Perhaps like everything else, practise, practise, practise… Oddly, too, I am an alright public speaker. At least I used to be? I haven’t had to speak to a group of people in a while. Also, as long as I’m familiar with my material!

    I chose to walk a bit further from one of the places, back down to another two, closer to where I live. More funny/odd stuff. I found a doctor that has a solo practice that I never would have known about. Just an office in a building with one sign amongst several. Huh.

    Then another place that I thought was somewhere else, but not. So, maybe I’ll head back out and hit those tomorrow, just because they are so close. I would have today, but not enough resumes!

    In the end, a couple of business cards, an email written down. Contact the folks later? Resumes left behind. *shrug*


  4. You don’t find NTs boring? I do! ~.^

    Does this money on the hand applies for just, you know, working on a job or does it apply or anything else..? I ask because, if it does, you may want to keep that a secret..? You never know what people may want you to do and then you’ll get weird emails and messages with even weirder requests in exchange for money. Just a thought… ^.^

    Thank you. Yes, if I feel comfortable I guess yes, I can have moments when I can be…funny. Which means that…I think you can figure it yourself. :)

    The dig and pony..? (scratches head, furrows brow…) Huh..?

    No need to thank me. Why would I not have confidence in you? You can do this with your hand tied to your back! And yes, God willing, all will start falling into place quite soon. :)


  5. Hi Maria. You’re funny about who you find boring. That may be a very good question. I don’t have a lot of friends but that isn’t why.

    Regarding the money in hand thing, I have jokingly thought about going into prostitution after being unemployed for this long. There are way too many jokes that can follow after making that statement, though! Regardless, just the thought is…well, pretty icky to me!

    I idealized an extremely, high paying, posh “Escort” job that really was simply that! I would accompany any rich man (or woman) to any event or anywhere else they needed to go. No sex involved, whatsoever. Well, unless the woman was really hot and I felt like it it! *laughing*


    A dog and pony? That’s just a dumb expression for putting on a big show via any type of presentation to get peoples’ attention. It could be a sales meeting or promotion, just a dept. meeting. Yes, even your own job interview. You’re putting on a show to impress people, and get them to buy into whatever it is you have to offer.

    I don’t know where the expression came from. I could look it up but I just woke up and I’m sick which makes me very lazy at the moment. Normally, being the linguaphile that I am, I’d be all over it to give you the precise etymology etc…

    So, let’s say when you have competitions for purebred dogs and horses? That sort of thing? Then they give “Best In Show?” That’s my explanation.

    Thanks again.


  6. Morning, dear. You’re sick… :(. I’m sorry to hear. Here I was hoping you were all happy and feeling fine. Oh well, let me send good, positive energy your way (closes eyes, brings tips of fingers to temples, says “Unagui”…Oh no, wait! Not that one!) Seriously tho, I am gathering all the good vibes of the universe to heal you. There, done.

    Well, okay, not all Nts are boring but most…omg…yes, they are. Their little concerns are boring at best and dangerous at worst. Sigh…

    No, no need to take drastic measures (prostitution). Things will change soon, you will see. You may, however, proceed to escort any good looking woman you find attractive and proceed to engage in any other activity you may find… appealing. It is good for the heart and the spirit. :)

    Oh right, I never heard the expression before. I get it. Thanks, you just expanded my horizons. :)


  7. Hi Maria. Thanks for the good vibes. I don’t think this is anything serious. I’m dizzy and spinny like crazy now, however. Do I need Wonder Cane? *laughing*

    The first sign may have been when I felt such a huge hit of exhaustion out of nowhere last night. There was no reason I should have been that tired. Sure, the day was stressful and I needed to eat, but really?

    I’m still laughing about the NT comment. Well, I give everyone a fair shake.

    There is no way I could do the prostitution thing. I did have another thought about it recently, though, despite the fact that it is completely ridiculous. I’d probably be putting myself in some seriously, dangerous situations.

    That would be by exposing my cutting scars to some guys (not sure if there are actually any “Janes” as opposed to “Johns” out there.) They might think they could beat the shit out of me as others had made the cuttings? I’m not sure. The risk is already there, anyway!

    Escort any good looking women, regardless? Oh, you don’t want to hear about my “unluck” with women! Nope.

    You’re welcome for the D&P, too. Happy to oblige.


  8. Hope you are feeling a tad better now, that the world has stopped spinning faster than usual..?

    Wonder Cane (smiles)…I should have named my cane something. When I had a cane years ago. But alas, not as inventive. I had to use it for some foot-related ailment. Now, funny enough, I have been considering getting a new one to help in bad fibromyalgia days; days when I have a lot of pain or I am exhausted or my sense of balance is a bit off. Yeah, fibro is fun. But, hey, it’s my fibro, so. If I do get the cane, Ill let you know so you can christen it with a name, k? ~.^

    Yes, that was like a wave of exhaustion, was it not? One second you were chatting on twitter and the next… (looking both ways of the street, underneath the desk, in my pocket…) no where to be found. Well, it happens. Sometimes I too get those. I’m fine and then, wham! Exhaustion hit me in the head and I cannot even get up to fetch water. But, hopefully, it will be one of those 24 hr virus things.

    Yes, I can see your point about the prostitution and the cutting and what not. Hmmm…yes, you are right, people might get the impression they can go on and hurt you. But beyond that, I think the problem with going into such line of work is that no one will see you as a person but as an object they can take or toss at their convenience, and no person deserves to be treated that way. So, no. I am sure you can do other things without restoring to such measures. Besides, I did say yesterday that things will soon change for the better in the employment front, did I not..? They will.

    Yes, escort a good looking woman, yes. Oh ye, woman of little faith…have you no hope..? Thou shall see great miracles on the horizon…



  9. Hi Maria. Uh, not sure as Gravol, whoa. But if tummy bad then whatever infection working through body. Good sign.

    Yes, I had to give my cane a name. I “decorated” it with stickers and stuff, too. Sorry to hear about the Fibro. My sister has it and not pleasant at all. To say the least.

    *nods about exhaustion wave*

    Thanks again for the encouragement about work. The whole prostitution thing is a total joke. Also the “encouragement” of finding a woman? Alright, thanks for that too!


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