I posted this on Twitter last night:

“The loudest wake up call is a silent conscience.”

Prior to that, I was tossing up a bunch of…well, what could you call them? Maudlin? Fine.  Some rather “maudlin” songs about “people.”  All of that Twitter business was a spill over from my day, I suppose.

It’s been a rather tiring few days.  Some crisis calls? Some distress calls, requiring need for help in whatever manner? They alternated between my friends P. and J.  Tuesday, it was P.  Wednesday, it was J.  Thursday (yesterday) it was P. again.  Tuesday was quite extraordinary and really started things off with a bang.

A telephone call rousing me from sleep with P. in desperation.  Such a level of desperation, a need to spend the night at my flat.  Don’t ask.  I got up and managed to prepare something for him to sleep on, as I rearranged enough space in my living room.  Not that I would have minded sharing my bed/office/closet/pharmacy but it was faster to deal with floorspace.  By the time he arrived, of course we had to talk, then get him settled for sleep, get me settled back down for sleep.

Let’s move along to yesterday.  P. on the phone early afternoon.  Sure, let’s go out.  Let’s talk.  PA attempts to clear cobwebs from head.  We talked about an issue that has come up many times before and surely will again.  However, that does not or will not negate its value.  Friends, relationships, they suck, why.

He told me his mother still has friendships she made as child, and they remain with her to this day.  Why don’t we? I was suddenly struck by an arrow of Intellectual Hubris.  I suggested to him that the reason for our lack of longstanding friendships, was due to a generational shift.  The world has changed now that we young’uns have entered its parameters.  Further, it goes far beyond relationships.  It’s everywhere.

This shift has proliferated all of society.  All you have to do is look around and you will find it.  The only problem with that is, we can’t.  We are blind, because it is all we know.  I gave him some basic examples that I felt made sense (even if they didn’t due to me still brimming with Intellectual Hubris.)  I also skipped over communication and the Internet, as that one was just too easy.

Look at employment.  You can no longer start in the “Mail Room” and work your way up to CEO.  Look at consumerism.  Years ago, there may have been only one product available.  Should you be able to afford it and it broke, you would have to fix it.  If it could not be fixed, you would have one of two choices: buy another if you had the money, or live without if you didn’t have the money.  Later, you might be able to save the money and buy a new one.

As times have changed with our generation, we have something called “Progress!” It is both a good and a bad thing.  In my still teeming, Intellectual Hubris, I stated only one word.  Expendable.

I know.  In writing all of this, it clearly distinguishes me from all the Great Thinkers, both past and present (as if there was ever any doubt?) This brilliant concept, I am sure, is in every Sociology, Anthropology–all the textbooks within the Humanities Discipline.  Even more! Regardless, I think it has at least some merit.  Perhaps? After all, I’m not a Great Thinker.

I also recounted some personal examples that I have learned of late.  I know I have been needy and selfish (unknowingly) and that has destroyed friendships.  He retorted that it was good to be selfish.  I agreed–to an extent.  We all need boundaries but that doesn’t mean you get a free pass to become completely self-absorbed.  I sat quietly and pondered how ironic that I had not been “selfish” enough to set up boundaries over the last three days.  Granted, I’ll never slam a door in someone’s face if…

My quote? Perhaps a bit of Literary Hubris? I’m not sure of that either.  We should probably add that I am not a Great Writer, along with not being a Great Thinker.  Nonetheless, its point being:

If you can actually manage to realize you’re screwing up so much that you don’t give a shit anymore? Then you’re totally and completely fucked.

How’s that for some great writing?


  1. May

    “The loudest wake up call is a silent conscience.”

    That’s like a Zen koan…

    When reading your blog doesn’t make me wanna cry & hug you (in commiseration – also I freaking love hugs), it makes me giggle in my gut and feel superior that Aspies has so much more fun sitting in their heads than other people do…

    Boundaries are hard. Usually I just block/drop a person out of my life entirely if I can’t make them respect my boundaries. And I’m frustrated that NTs don’t seem to give a f*k about what constitutes a boundary for me.

    Anyway, I will keep myself from ranting (cause I’m so in a mood) and say bye now!


  2. Hi May. Thanks. I did like writing that even though I’m not be one of the Great Thinkers or Great Writers known to man. *laughs and rolls eyes*

    Thank you as well about wanting to cry with me and hug in commiseration. I do feel kind of bad when my posts make people want to cry, but on the flip side, I guess that means they have had an impact? That is good?

    It is also good that Aspies can be so crazy living inside their (our?) spazzy (SPAZ O.o) heads. I know I spend a lot in mine. Sometimes, I think far too much. Wait, maybe no thinking about thinking about it!

    Boundaries are hard, indeed. Lord, almighty! What can I compare myself to? I don’t have hardly any boundaries!

    So, what am I? A cloud? Just sort of aimlessly drifting through the sky? The only time you might see me really lose it and try to put my little cloud self back together, is when the weather makes me explode and rain? *laughing so hard*

    You’ll have to excuse me. Everyone else reading, please excuse me as well. I was trying to exercise some of my own boundaries with myself, and stay off my computer tonight and relax. Gee, that worked well, as here I am!

    Rant away! I’m in rather a state, too. Panic central about job stuff, so Valium just taken, and I’m going to look at some things, now. Then, I’ll throw myself into more of a panic, float off like retarded, Aspie, SPAZ O.o cloud, and maybe open up and rain.



  3. s. dweller

    i believe you’re a Great Thinker, for what it’s worth.


  4. Hi s. dweller. Thanks. I’m not so sure about that but okay, then. And for what it’s worth, you ain’t so bad yourself! So there!


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