Lest We Forget
Everyone’s so desperate to drive away painful memories. Get them out of our minds and hearts almost as fast as they become past “tense” (or past paralytic.) I read a passage in a book the other night roughly saying, despite such strong desires to escape our ghosts, it’s futile. We need to have all our memories (and not just the pleasant ones) to build our futures.
Huh. What if you’re a baby? Well, I don’t want to get into arguments when developing life reaches cogent awareness to form memories. Maybe until then, you’ve got (messed up) Mommies and Daddies to build your futures for you. That’s your reprieve until you become a (messed up) kid or adult on your own.
Did I ever become a messed up adult, tonight. More like a Raving, Screaming, Fucking Cunt From Hell. Gotta love it when that happens. Which I really don’t think does so often for me. Maybe I should put up a poll on my blog.
Christ, did I pull a good one, though. After I got over the panic, I ran to my First-Aid Kit and grabbed a tiny band-aid you’d wrap around your finger. I then attempted to apply pressure to the wound of the person I just eviscerated. There’s still blood dripping all over my keyboard. I’m still panicking but now also in shock. Like I need to be hauled away in the ambulance, just like the accident victims after giving my witness account.
But now, I can only hope my victim doesn’t end up in the morgue, and I end up serving a life sentence for “Raving, Screaming, Fucking Cunt From Hell Homicide.” Or having Karmic Retribution where someone emotionally eviscerates me in the same manner. Either way, I’ll take whatever punishment is given.
Why did I do this? I obviously know this person so there are “memories.” I don’t think any of my life’s memories made this happen. If this person does actually live through their surgery requiring about 500 blood transfusions and possibly a few organ transplants, will we still have a “future?”
Because now, quite painfully, this will be another “memory” needed to keep building a future. Charming.
So, this is a question I have to ask. If we need our memories to build our futures, what do we do with our memories when we build them in the present?