At least I made it, yesterday.  Bless, Wonder Cane! I couldn’t take any Gravol/Dimenhydrinate, because even though I was still post-“ick”tal©,  I needed to be coherent for the appt.! So, Valium was the best I could do.  I only needed Wonder Cane for navigating stairs and escalators anyway, so things seemed manageable.  Going home? Wonder Cane all the way!

Transit took on a whole new meaning.  Whoa…  It wasn’t vertigo.  No.  Just all the rocking back and forth, the erratic lurching at red lights and stop signs.  People took on a whole new meaning, too! What happened to manners with wee PA and a cane? No one moved! Gave up a seat! This doesn’t normally happen here!

My guy at JDP is so awesome.  I’m so relieved he is still there after I left (major hiatus due to company re-org. with them, me being sick, going back to school.)  We still have to start a lot of things over again but at least I don’t have to start everything over again with an entirely new person.

It’s not going to be a fast process, I don’t think.  I’m still going to have to keep applying for jobs on my own.  Although, for our first meeting just to catch up, we did cover a fair bit of ground.

We talked about what I’d studied and how things got progressively worse at school.  Now, it’s such a disaster, it seems I’ll never get my Clinic Rotation.  I’m still open to doing it, if it can somehow come together, but it’s been so long! I also had some other questions about the field that have come to mind after leaving school.  I wonder now if it was all for nought.

We revisited how we might be able to somehow bolster my skills even though I don’t have any “credentials.”  Some way to try and steer me further into areas of interest.  I told him I finally found a uni. that offers distance education, but of course I can’t afford to pay for it! I still plan on doing it whenever I get a job, though.

I told him what Merlin #2 said about my (cap)abilities to work in various forms.  I admitted that he may very well have a valid point.  However, now the idea is swimming around in my head, and making me tend to doubt my own (cap)abilities.  At least at times?  We both agreed that was totally valid, when you already have such diagnoses! Someone planting a seed?

Here’s an example.  Also, I did bring this up, briefly.  I didn’t say all of this because we were speaking within the context of working.  We both finally agreed it probably wouldn’t matter because of certain tools one could utilize on the job.  However, it matters in my life!

I’ve been scared for quite a while about memory loss.  I know my meds have caused a lot of cognitive dulling but I can’t do anything about that.  Beyond? Well, “beyond” my already existing comorbidities (which I can do nothing about either) the “BIG Beyond?” Epilepsy.  This isn’t one of my medical-related posts, so you’ll just have to take my word for it.  This is, and can be, a serious issue.  Very.  Is it serious for me? I don’t know.  I just know it feels like my memory does not work like it used to in the past.  I know that it still scares me.

I also know that I can have Transient Global Amnesia when post-“ick”tal©.  That’s no big deal.  Well, I think it’s okay? You see? I can’t even “remember” how I’m affected by my TGA! *shakes head* Maybe I’ll get more insight in the future.  If I do, I’ll let you know.  That is if I can remember what it was. *wry grin*

I told him him again about the Dyscalculia and that it is technically a Learning Disorder.  I can do math, I suppose, but I would need to write down the calculations in steps.  Then refer to them as notes.  After telling him that, I said as if they were the most reprehensible people on the planet: “I don’t want to work in Finance, anyway!” *laughing*

I also mentioned going on our stoopid guvmunt’s form of Disability Support.  One big question I had for him was about housing.  Where the hell am I going to live? The stoopid guvmunt drones may be able to help me more with the application process and other practicalities similar.  I just don’t know.  I am lost regarding all of this.

My next appt. is a week tomorrow.  In the mean time, should I go visit “the drones?” I should keep applying for jobs.  I should…  I should…  I should be doing a lot of things.

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