No Longer a One Woman Army
First, a very, special thank you to a very, special person. They have been trying to keep my head from falling off my shoulders and a smile on my face. Spoken in ominous voice: “You know who you are…” I shall endeavor to do the same in return. *winks*
I had to look at the date of my last post. Monday. It’s now Friday. I can barely remember everything that’s happened between then and now. That’s probably a good thing for you. To include it all would stop you dead in your tracks after the first few paragraphs. Then, I suspect you would probably give up reading my blog, altogether. You may still, after this post.
J.’s sister arrived from Paris on Wednesday but I have no clue what I was doing Tuesday. That was the day after I got J. admitted to the uber-fab, short term place. I “know” I was running around doing something. Probably a lot of things. Definitely.
When his sister arrived, everything was a big fat WTF??? You see, a friend of J.’s picked her up at the airport which was great! But he stayed for almost 2hrs at the coffee shop where we all met. Gee, kind of hard to get into the “Crisis intervention, J.’s going to be homeless any day now (and more) Conversation.” Finally, the guy left and the three of us had some time to talk.
I’m picking up my mobile every five seconds, because another friend wanted: To.Go.Out.To.Dinner.
Because the world is stupid and never goes to plan, this is what occurred: I missed the call. He called J. J.’s sister was in the bathroom at the time. I wanted to say to J.’s sister, “What are we doing about dinner? You just arrived, we’re finally getting a chance to deal with things. Bloody, hell! Dinner??? We can go to DINNER another night!!!”
J. being “Denial Boy” ignores me as I say, “Call back. Let’s check with your sister…” My words were a flag about 100 ft. by 30 ft., blazing bright red, thrown in front of his face! He hung up and said: “Oh, I didn’t hear you.” Good grief! So much for continuing our conversation! However, we did cover some “practicals” over dinner.
It is good to have J.’s sister here. For one thing, I am no longer “A One Woman Army.” She’s very organized and on the ball, even though we’re both spending a lot of time spinning in circles. Also, we’ve spent enough time moanin’ and groanin’ to each other, as well as getting things (somewhat) accomplished. Not in a malicious way, mind you. It’s just that things have reached certain levels with J., where it’s not so much as how do we handle the situation(s) but how do handle him.
With each step of progress, he slips into a state of mind that basically says: ‘Oh, everything’s fine now. I don’t have to worry or be concerned.’ Well, guess what?
“J., where you currently are is still a very tenuous place. We have only found short term solutions for you. Everything is not fine and you should be concerned.”
I’ve been repeating this in one way or another for the last week. His sister has been too since she flew in. It got so bad yesterday, I told her we were feeding him and changing his diapers like a baby–only in a mental sense.
We were looking into so many things, researching this and that, trying to plan and coordinate everything we could, and J. just sat playing on the computer. Sure, he may be depressed, scared etc… However, we cannot speak for him. We cannot think for him. We are not him! He needs to take control of the areas that directly involve him instead of us guessing.
His sister even had to force him to write and fax a letter with very simple information and his signature. I had told him to do this days ago. Yes, I do have Power of Attorney (that his sister is now sharing as well) but come on! J. is not incompetent!
We’ve now found him a longer, short term solution. That move will be happening on Monday. Tuesday, a bunch of us are going to his apartment (hopefully with him coming as well) to toss things into the trash, have movers put the rest into storage. I know there will be more stuff to do over the weekend!
His sister is leaving on Thursday. A week from yesterday. The day after that? A week from today? That will be two weeks of me assuming all duties; dealing with everything. I know I will still hold Power of Attorney unless J. revokes it, and that is fine. I don’t mind that.
Nonetheless, one week from today, I will no longer be taking on all of these past roles and duties. It’s time for J. to work directly with the professionals. That is why they are there. I am still his friend to offer anything in that capacity. However, I need to get back on track after two weeks of neglecting my own issues. They’re quite significant and very problematic, too.
It’s not so much that this has been a “burden.” It hasn’t. I’ve been alright dealing with things. At least I think for the most part? No one is perfect, so I’ve had my “moments.” Plus, I know how our system works. I know how J. works! I just think it’s time to pass the baton. The next members of the team in this race, really are the professionals.
In fact, I need to pass my own baton to them. That’s after next Friday, though.