I Am Incredibly Stupid, Completely Insane or Both!
NOTE: I started writing this yesterday but I got sidetracked. I was hogging the computer room too much, but I was also too busy trying to figure out if I was post-“ick”tal© or not. Then I kept getting interrupted by annoying things like nurses and food.
Then (but this one’s actually really important!) I finally got in touch with someone where technology has been kicking our arses to the moon and back! It’s like our mobile phones had become Faberge Potatoes. Shammadamma. *grins and laughs*
So, continuing from yesterday’s events…
I finally had caffeinated tea today. You all should know I love my tea. In fact, I am probably more addicted to it than any other “naughty” things I may consume (tobacco, alcohol…I’m not including sex, sorry.) Tea does have healing and medicinal properties. However, I won’t go so far as to say it will cure a person of all ills when they go inpatient.
Unless, perhaps, that person is me. Which I don’t think you really want to be. Because: I am incredibly stupid, completely insane or both! I’m not sure how I’m even doing in post-“ick”tal© land but I’m not walking with Wonder Cane around the Ward so much, anymore! I think I might be feeling a bit sick as lunch was pretty unpalatable. Blech.
And so. Here we are.
I just went through this massive computer file/survey with my shift nurse. I’d done the exact same during Hospitalization #6, as this is part of the same facility (just a different location.) It takes F.O.R.E.V.E.R. But that was okay. Because we were having a hell of a time laughing our faces off at questions such as these: “Has wee PA ever sexually assaulted someone?” *laughing so hard again*
I know what you may be thinking. I’m cycling. I’m now flying high, surfing some Bipolar, euphoric (hypo)manic wave. No. Well, I sure as hell hope not!
Seriously, though. I think I’m just seeing the light (as awkward, embarrassing, stupid etc…) as it is making me feel. It’s not like my caffeinated tea (that I hadn’t had in days) has magically solved all my problems. If I felt like that, then you’d KNOW I was way out in Bipolar Land. Even though I never get delusional!
I think I’ve made a boo boo. A big one. I’ve been wrestling with the whole issue of “Why am I here?” ever since I was admitted. I even talked more and more about it with my nurse during the form as we were working on it. I now think I know. That is, I now think I know, what I didn’t know.
I shouldn’t be here. At least not for the reasons on the face of it. I know this. I “knew” this. I always have.
NOTE: Added next day…
I’ve drafted up some things to discuss with Shrinky Dink tomorrow. Hell, my nurse has already been harassing me about continuing with the “program” here, and we’ve just finished breakfast! Granted, she was the one I was having laughs with regarding how on earth I would have the ability to sexually assault someone! I’ll review it all with her. She doesn’t know.
However, she is now questioning my privileges to even go outside on my own to have a cigarette! Shrinky Dink didn’t write it down “specifically!” I can only go outside with friends, family and staff (and yet staff don’t take people outside.) Well, why the fuck would you write it if it doesn’t happen???
FINE! FINE! FINE!
I’m gonna get my incredibly stupid, completely insane or both, ass out of here. Get what I need from them, junk what I don’t and skedaddle.