Meltdown Recovery Mode
I’m finally back online a bit. I’ve been trying to figure out just why the hell I’m so tired today and gee PA, have a look at the last post you wrote. Then, think about the last several days that have passed.
Things got worse, folks. A lot. It got to the point where that immature girl became enough of an instigator that I was actually singled out due to being an Aspie. Plus, in trying to “do the right thing” (because I have ethics and principles and other good stuff like that) I ended up facing my accuser/s. Which naturally would only result in one thing. A massive Asperger’s meltdown.
It wasn’t the worst I’ve ever had mind you. No, no. I didn’t end up in a fetal position on my bed for hours… I’ll just stop there because it was bad enough. Bawling my eyes out, pacing back and forth in my room, perseverating all sorts of crap (mostly negative things about myself) stimming like crazy.
A nurse came in and said it was lunch. I started mumbling like a 4-year-old about not wanting lunch. I was perseverating that, too. Then I tossed in more perseveration about meeting with the Social Worker.
It’s all over now, thankfully. Except the recovery period, I guess. “Instigator immature girl” ended up discharging herself in (of course) the most immature and demonstrative way, yesterday.
In a word? Relief. In several words? It’s like she was never here at all. Tres bizarre. No one is treating me any differently than the first day when I waltzed right through the door.
I won’t use a dumb cliche about spoiled fruit, but it really is amazing the power that one person can have over others. A real cascade effect. I can’t tell if it was a house of cards that fell on me, if I was the last domino, or a building was set for demolition and I couldn’t get out of the basement in time. It sure felt like the latter.
What I can say with absolute certainty, is that I did get to enjoy my PTSD coming out to play with me for a while. Oh, yes. I was a kid growing up with Asperger’s, getting bullied all over again. Such sweet memories. How long has it been since I’ve cried so much? Probably all those years ago when it happened. I was crying for days here. Non-stop.
So, yep. That’s why I’m tired. That’s why I feel like I just can’t wake up today. That’s why I can’t get motivated to go home and do stuff. Maybe tomorrow? I think I’m so tired I’m having problems getting motivated to go lay down.