Scared to Write This
Just when I said I wasn’t going to write anything else about my suicide attempt except possible medical things that I doubted would occur…ah, well? The whole point of that was not to upset people further. Being responsible, right?
Well, I thought I should maybe put this up in case I go off the radar a bit. Then people might start freaking out? Because I can’t really respond to my current comments at the moment. But I will. I always do. “Don’t worry!’ So, that’s responsible? Still here but sort of in absentia?
I don’t know if I’ll go off the radar and if I do for how long. I mean, I’ll still be checking in. But now you might be all upset about me going off the radar and why. Then I’ve got you worried, again. Dilemma. Scared to write. Part of the reason why I can’t even write the damn thing. Beyond my head.
Because it is my head. I knew all the stuff wasn’t the Typical Absence Status Epilepticus. I’m more screwy beyond that. I’m seeing Non-Arsey Neuro tomorrow, anyway. Maybe I will just need more time but not really a mild TBI. Still, severe ones can heal without sequelae.
Maybe this can be more “responsible” and provide less upset and worry. My personal history and stats.
Forget what I did. Leave it that I just suffered a concussion. Statistically (they don’t why) if you’ve had one (even one!) or more before, you are extremely likely to have another. I’ve had one that I’ve known of. The assault. I probably had one in the early 2000’s as I woke up with a huge lump on my head with retrograde amnesia. That would qualify?
I suspect another as a kid, when I stood up and fell, then put my head through a wall. Yes, a wall. A nice sized hole (in the wall not my head.) The parental units never took me to hospital, though. Why would they do that? I only put my head through a wall. It wasn’t a big deal or anything.
So, let’s say neither is this. Because even though I can often hate my head, I need my goddamn, sonofabitch, motherf… Okay, that’s enough, now. Sorry, guys.
POSTSCRIPT: Actually, let’s try and add some serious “not to worry?” I managed to tackle a fair bit of work today. And the dishes. And had a shower. And finished my laundry. The work was pretty crazy but I persisted. Maybe something for anyone out there to feel good about if they’re still feeling bad?