Archive for February 14th, 2011


I’m just sitting here.  I’m fucked.  Forget being scared of writing that post.  Now I’m scared for my goddamn head.  My landlords called and they said they didn’t get my cheque for this month.  It’s in my little, ledger book.  If I wrote it, why wouldn’t I have mailed it? I can’t find anything here.  I’ve called my mother as I don’t remember.  Fucking retrograde amnesia.

I mentioned in a comment that my writing may sound kind of weird.  Things may be a bit hard to decipher.  I may have to keep saying that over and over.  I don’t know.

I got my form from Non-Arsey Neuro.  The one for the stoopid guvmunt.  He said he paid good attention to all the notes I gave him.  Looks like? Bless.

Then I told him.  I started crying and I just couldn’t believe his empathy.  Crying now.  He kept telling me it was okay, it was okay, in acceptance and not judging me.

We talked about my head and my current neurological issues.  I told him I wouldn’t bother if things were just staying the same.  But they’re getting worse day by day (at least from today’s account.)  We decided upon a CT because they are faster to get than an MRI.  Although, I’ve been pretty lucky and gotten my MRIs fast.  But not for this.  Faster.  I’ll wait for the hospital to call.  I had an EEG done there and it was within two weeks.  I wonder if they bump you up for a TBI.

I got up to leave and said I’d call him if things got worse or crazier.  He looked at me with an ear to ear grin and said, “Come on, let’s have a little smile.”  I told him I didn’t know if I could ’cause I couldn’t control things.  I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, tried, and probably looked like scared puppy who pissed on the carpet, hoping their owner would forgive them.

We increased my Clobazam to 60mg (30mg b.i.d) for the Typical Absence Status Epilepticus. That’s exactly what I wanted.  It’s the last thing that’s killing me in terms of regular, seizure control.  Otherwise, seizures good.

Oh, yes.  I told him about Merlin #2 being such an idiot of late and things getting worse.  He was shocked and agreed that I should find someone better.  What a guy.