Depression Comes in Many Forms
I honestly can’t remember if or when I’ve had a day like yesterday. Maybe years ago. Minus having the right diagnosis. Minus being on the right meds. Minus having this new technology. At least today I’m up and actually touching it.
Fuck that. At least today I’m actually up. Barely. I still haven’t made any tea. I didn’t make any yesterday. I just didn’t care. I know. I didn’t even care about my tea.
So I just lay in bed trying to watch movies or other videos on baby MacBook until I felt drowsy. Then I even napped. Twice. I can never sleep during the day. They weren’t long naps but long enough.
I finally realized I should maybe try actual physical movement around 1600hrs or 1700hrs. It wasn’t so bad. I could do it so I guess I wasn’t that depressed. Fine. Go find it. Bring me the “Yardstick of Depression.” See if I “qualify” as “truly depressed.”
So. What to do? Well, let’s find another goddamn DVD (that isn’t depressing!) and watch it on the television. After that’s done, watch another. After that’s done…is it time to go back to bed yet? Time for meddy and beddy? Yep, it was. Thank god.
I don’t what to do now. I started watching another DVD as I was drifting off to sleep last night. It’s still sitting in baby MacBook. I don’t know if I want to watch it. I don’t know if I want any tea.
My head’s all dizzy but I have been eating. I actually went totally bass-ackwards into Bulimia Land. All.Day.Long. What the hell was that all about? I starve myself. I don’t stuff myself when life is a bag of shit.
Maybe it’s dizzy because I can’t think. But I don’t want to think. Because thinking right now hurts.