I honestly can’t remember if or when I’ve had a day like yesterday.  Maybe years ago.  Minus having the right diagnosis.  Minus being on the right meds.  Minus having this new technology.  At least today I’m up and actually touching it.

Fuck that.  At least today I’m actually up.  Barely.  I still haven’t made any tea.  I didn’t make any yesterday.  I just didn’t care.  I know.  I didn’t even care about my tea.

So I just lay in bed trying to watch movies or other videos on baby MacBook until I felt drowsy.  Then I even napped.  Twice.  I can never sleep during the day.  They weren’t long naps but long enough.

I finally realized I should maybe try actual physical movement around 1600hrs or 1700hrs.  It wasn’t so bad.  I could do it so I guess I wasn’t that depressed.  Fine.  Go find it.  Bring me the “Yardstick of Depression.”  See if I “qualify” as “truly depressed.”

So.  What to do? Well, let’s find another goddamn DVD (that isn’t depressing!) and watch it on the television.  After that’s done, watch another.  After that’s done…is it time to go back to bed yet? Time for meddy and beddy? Yep, it was.  Thank god.

I don’t what to do now.  I started watching another DVD as I was drifting off to sleep last night.  It’s still sitting in baby MacBook.  I don’t know if I want to watch it.  I don’t know if I want any tea.

My head’s all dizzy but I have been eating.  I actually went totally bass-ackwards into Bulimia Land. All.Day.Long.  What the hell was that all about? I starve myself.  I don’t stuff myself when life is a bag of shit.

Maybe it’s dizzy because I can’t think.  But I don’t want to think.  Because thinking right now hurts.

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  1. awwwww. Anything I can do to help? Find stupid-fun movies? I recommend Macross 7, happy singing anime of stupidness! Just put it on and turn your brain off for a bit. It sounds like it meeds a rest. Now I think I have a letter finished areound here that I should mail…. *rummages around the disaster area of my room*

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  2. Hi canageek. Thanks.

    Like

  3. Hiya PA, im a new follower. Just wanted to say that depression is depression at the end of the day, all this bollocks about mild depression, severe depression, inbetween depression – its all fucking depression, right?

    Anyhow, i feel ya. Im also in a slump right now. I spent friday the same way you did yesterday. I sincerely hope your mood picks up soon mate.

    Best wishes
    Gem x

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  4. Hi Mental Fool. Nice to meet you and a new follower, too. Well, be warned for following!

    Indeed, depression is depression. No two ways about it. I can’t remember when all of this stuff happened. Years ago and it was almost like a “movement.”

    There always used to be a huge uproar re: people who weren’t diagnosed with any mental illnesses. If they so much breathed the word “depression” it was like the whole of our community wanted to jump down their throats screaming:

    “YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE DEPRESSED!”

    Sure, there may still be some value in that–if people are being really arsey. Oh, boo hoo me. I’m so depressed about this and that (maybe if they won’t shut their yaps?)

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling bad now, too. I’m not sure how much of the Aspie Time Change added to things, but that doesn’t even make sense as it was before that. I’m still screwed over from the time change. Obviously? Nothing is making sense.

    But same to you. I hope you feel better soon. Maybe the coming of spring will help us all that aren’t feeling so great. I know with all in my life spring won’t make it all “right” or the way I want it to be, but spring has always been my favourite season.

    Look out Lilacs! I don’t have any on my property so I nick them from neighbour’s trees! I’ve done that ever since I was a kid. Lilacs are probably my most favourite flower. Such a shame they only come out for such a brief period and then disappear.

    Like




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