Archive for March 20th, 2011

Right.  That one about, in doing something, even if it’s microscopic, it will make you feel better.  Not today.  Maybe I’m just tired.

Right.  That one about making excuses.  Trying to ignore the fact that the above drives you completely bonkers at times? It feels like it’s constantly being rammed down your throat, like so many other near, ridiculous, sounding platitudes? If you don’t (at the very least), get out of bed, are you an epic failure? Alright, I’ll admit it.  That sounds a little harsh.  Maybe I’m just tired.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m certainly not suggesting that laying about, never doing anything at all, will do you much good, either.  Wow, I’m sounding like I’m making this a pretty black vs. white issue, aren’t I? Maybe I’m just tired.

Fine.  I am tired.  However, I am doing a lot of practical and personal work (quite a bit yesterday), so why do I not feel one iota “better?”

One thing I’m feeling is a little pissed off! I feel like I’ve been robbed of my “Betterness,” from my achievements.  And that’s just not fair dammit! I worked really hard! I am owed my Betterness! In fact, because I worked so hard, I should be feeling a lot of Betterness! Enough to keep the “Betterness Bandwagon,” going!

Right.  Because that’s how it really works. *sighs*

So, we can put it all together like an equation.  What I’ve done just recently, what I am doing, or have done, today.  I’ve taken a Valium just to try and think of how to proceed, and what to do next.  I really must be tired.  My Valium doesn’t make me want to flop over, and simply stare at various objects.  No, it basically turns the anxiety volume down (unless things are really bad!)

The reverse of this makes me go a bit bonkers, too.  “Don’t push yourself!” I do agree, because you can have a total crash and burn.  Why? Well, you’re obviously on (or close to), some sort of precipice.  Otherwise, why would you need to hear the first part? “Just getting out of bed is an accomplishment!”

Alright.  So let’s accept the fact that I didn’t get my “Betterness Bonus.”  Maybe next time from some “Benevolent Betterness Benefactor.”  I suppose I can deal with that–for today.

Now, considering I’m not feeling so hot about all of this, do I push or flop over? Where’s the line? Actually, I need to phrase that in another manner.  We’re all different.  Our circumstances are all different.  Even at different times! Even every time? So, then the appropriate question would be: “Where’s my line?”

At the time of just typing that question, I am having a massive battle in my head trying to answer it.  If and when I do get an answer, it may be too late to accomplish anything, anyway.