The Only Constant is Not Change; The Second is I Don’t Have to Like It!
I was thinking of writing this post today, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it. Just “wing it,” (or as we writers call it “free flow?”) However, some things came up regarding “change” so that gave me impetus.
I got a new haircut yesterday. I put up a new Twitter avatar today. Sure, big deal(s), right? Well, maybe a bigger deal was someone responding to an older post on my blog. Someone else did recently, as well. I wrote in one comment, I loved coming back to my older posts (at least for one reason), to see if, and how much, I had changed. Also, it’s just plain, old fun.
This time? I don’t know if you could say it wasn’t fun. Wistful? I’m also not talking about how I felt in terms of myself and the post’s content, either. No, I’m talking about how long ago it was written, looking at the commenters, and what they had written, how much was going on with them those few years ago. So, I guess a bit of “real life,” time snuck in there.
Moving to this new flat (provided I do get it–it’s not confirmed yet!) will be really hard on me in at least one area of change. Asperger’s! And possibly my ADD to a lesser degree.
Some people on the Spectrum tend not to deal with change very well. *hangs sign over neck with arrow pointing upwards* Two reasons for this are a strong desire for sameness (i.e. extreme familiarity with all things), and ritualistic (or “ritualistic-like”), behaviour. Both can vary from person to person. The ritualistic part can take on many forms and be very extreme. Just to give you a small example, here’s one of mine:
When I wear a certain watch, every time I put it on, I have to count the remaining holes in the band once it’s around my wrist. It doesn’t matter if I know it’s on right. It’s not too loose or too tight. I cannot wear that watch at all unless I do this. I’ve even kept people waiting to go out with me when it happens!
“…umm…just a sec’…I’ll be there in a…” So, imagine something as tiny as that, and blow it up how much larger?! Then, imagine moving to a new flat!
Sure, your possessions are still with you, but they’re not “with you.” They’re all somewhere else! Scattered around! It’s like you’re lost without a map and a compass, stumbling around, trying to find who you used to be! But then it gets even worse. What about the possessions that aren’t yours?
New stoves, new refrigerators, new bathrooms, new cupboards, new… It already took you so long to get used to the stuff that was “the other,” before. Now, you’ve got to deal with THAT all over again. You have to find your “you” in that completely, foreign land. And it will be completely foreign!
I remember when I moved to this flat four years ago, I was a total stim-fest, eyes teeming, just as the guys were loading the truck! Ex-partner just tried to calm me, and said I could do all the crying I wanted as soon as I got there. I pulled it together but that may give you an idea, as well.
I predict the same. I’ll be one, big, Aspie-Spaz-Out, Disaster! I’m just taking a moment to pause now and look around. I think I may be one, big, Aspie-Spaz-Out, Disaster prior to moving! I’ll blame that one (un)fair and square on my ADD, and my unbelievable, imbecilic, organizational skills–or lack thereof.
I know change happens. I can’t stop it. I’m not some omniscient deity that can simply hold up her hand to motion: “Halt! Go no further! In fact, turn around. You have tried to make a change. That is NOT allowed!“
Look at the world. Stupid statement of the day, but we wouldn’t be here if things remained static. I guess I’d like my life to stay static? Well, that’s kind of stupid, too, I guess. What would I be? Some sort of living statue in this world? A wee PA made of marble, where I could let everything in my life, merely rest carved in stone? Just like me? I don’t think that’s very realistic–as tempting and desirable as it sounds.
Although, speaking of tempting and desirable, I could become a vampire. That would afford me a certain degree of omniscience to challenge the “Change Makers.” *wry Aspie grin*