Archive for April, 2011


Most people who have been hanging around my blog (and definitely Twitter!) know that I have been talking about finding an apartment, the state of my life in that perspective, how afraid I am regarding where I’m going to live, what the hell is going to happen, just all of it.

I must find something by the end of the month.  The original landlords I went with screwed me over.  I gave notice and they dropped me.  And I hasten to add, without much (if any), “notice!” I’m still awaiting them to call me back!

I need my Social Worker to help me get “un-screwed.”  She just returned from being gone for the month of March, so she knows nothing of this! I should give her a call even though I know she’ll be swamped.  It’s just that now, I’m really desperate!

I know you’ve been reading along and thinking, ‘What the hell does all of this have to do with accountability?’ What did I say up there? It’s just that now, I’m really desperate!

I can’t count the number of times I have said that since I’ve been laid off/made redundant.  Let me get the exact date.  I realized last night that it was one day this week.  Right.  April 7th, 2008.  Happy Anniversary! I can’t believe it.  Three years, minus two days! That long? It’s just that now, I’m really desperate!

The above is true.  Back to counting days, excluding today, I now have 26 of them to find a place to live.  26? It’s just that now, now, now, I’m really desperate!

Accountability.  Maybe it takes things to reach such a point where only you can fathom (or not), where you actually DO say the phrase, (as ridiculous as it may sound), “You never realize how much you miss something until it’s gone.”  In fact, you’re not saying that phrase; you’re living it!

How many times was I not accountable over these last three years? Probably more than I know.  Probably more than I care to admit!

This post isn’t meant to lay any kind of trip on myself.  It’s not meant to lay any kind of trip on anyone.  There were plenty of times when I worked hard over these past three years, and was accountable.  There were plenty of times when I was too sick to work, but there were plenty of times when I just pissed around.

You may have found yourself in this situation with your own lives and your own issues–whatever they may be.  I do not know.  Perhaps you have not found yourself in this situation.

“You never realize how much you miss something until it’s gone.

I may have gotten really lucky in the midst of reaching this, fathomable or not, point.  After arriving here, I’ve been trying to be as “accountable,” as possible.  I’ve also been fighting like crazy not to lose such a privilege of living in my neighbourhood (“You never realize how much you miss something until it’s gone.)

I’m seeing a flat that has become available here this Saturday.  It doesn’t have all I need, and I’ll throw out more of my stuff to get it.  If I can make it work, it’s mine.

I’m also showing up with my chequebook.  If I can make it work, I’ll offer him first and last month’s rent, right on the spot.  That may prove me somewhat “accountable” in the tenant department?


HA! Are you reading this?

I owe you a post.  I was just thinking about it with all of this photography crap I’ve been shooting over the last couple of days.  Do you remember? The “weighted gear?”

I meant to do it almost two bloody months ago which was prior to us talking about it.  So don’t feel too bad? I’m not ignoring you or anything! I haven’t forgotten! Maybe I’ll do it later today with all of this photo jazz.  For now, I’ve got to get some work done.

NOTE TO OTHER READERS: Yes, this probably looks and sounds totally weird or preferential like: “I love Kevin! I love Kevin! Kevin and PA sittin’ in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G…” No, no.  I can’t find an email address, he doesn’t have a blog and isn’t on Twitter! I feel bad as he’s been waiting patiently for this and I HATE to keep people waiting.  But I tend to do that at times. *sighs*


J.’s a prick.  Sent him two txts due to him being such an asshole and…yep, making me cry.  Going back to that goddamn territory.

He’s been doing really well, lately.  Been keeping decent restraint.  All was okay.

Nothing back to those txts to apologize.  No recognition of responsibility.

Food for thought.  Food for post.  But I had already thought of or eaten that food earlier.

Back to moving shit, now.


Did I even spell that right up there? Can’t tell.  My eyes hurt.  Head too.

I don’t think I could possibly begin to describe my day.  You know that whole spectrum, thing.  Everything that makes up colours.  The acronym is ROYGBIV.  Or, said mnemonic as a name if you wish: Roy G. Biv.  Hello, Mr. Biv!

Well, let’s mix up your acronym!

Pain.  Where should I start? I probably shouldn’t.  There’s too much and I started a list, but let’s roll with it.  I’ll just write what comes out of my painful head.  There’s a lot, so this random post? You will thank me later.

I drove around with my mom and her husband looking for any signs (literally) for apartments.  Not so much.  Picked up loads of scripts needed from my pharmacy.  With said scripts, was told I had to give them useless pieces of paper from the stoopid guvment.  Had to go home, find those, and go back to pharmacy.

Tried to find flats in my neighbourhood that I can’t afford.  My mother’s husband drove so fast and out of control, it probably doesn’t matter.  I had no chance or seeing any signs.  He’s a total arse and I don’t give a shit if he’s 80 years-old.  If I had my license, I’d be wicked on the road, as I always have been! HA!

Oh, trying to sell shit online.  Still not done with that yet.  A couple of bites, but I didn’t get a chance to put pics up this morning.

J.  Fucking J.  We had a LOVELY fight tonight.  Typical of his asinine behaviour.  But it’s not just asinine.  It hurts.  And he makes me cry.  And when it’s really bad, he doesn’t even notice I cry.  He keeps going.

So…I think that’s part of my day.  And I think I need to go to bed.  Oh, yes.

Oops.  I fell down in all the melee of my life, too.  My knee is bruised and buggered to all hell.  I may have a slight wrist sprain, as well.  I’m going to tensor it for bed because I can tend to toss and turn all over.  I guess that’s it.  Grammar, punc., and all that may be not so good, but yeah.

nini