Or, you could say “relapses” as I seem to have figured out.  Slowly.  I’m being rather more than the obsessive, medical, note taker than I usually am regarding my diagnoses.  This I always do, as far as tracking any issues, or when more significant KABOOMS occur.  Yes, a “Medical Kaboom” does exist.  It is not specific to any discipline, but is most thoroughly covered in Surgery 101.

So, as per the title of this post, that’s why I haven’t been around.  Your, “So?”  What’s going on, right?

Today, it has been almost three weeks to the day, of being back on my regular dose of my Clobazam/Frisium (60mg.)  I lost it all right at the beginning of June.  What day is it today? August 6th.  I mentioned something earlier about retrograde amnesia problems, but they are pretty minor–yes? Well, they are definitely minor compared to short term! Someone will tell me to do something, and within 5 seconds, I’ll forget!

Now, after these three weeks? There was a little improvement.  Although, I just knew.  In my head, I knew this would be a LONG recovery.

I could eat a bit better (some things are still off limits.)  The breakthrough seizures had stopped (at least as far as I could tell?)  However, I was still captive to the withdrawal signs and symptoms which are pretty awful sometimes.  The only HUGE unknown was the Typical Absence Status Epilepticus.  That is primarily why I take this drug.  I need it.  Desperately.  Without it, I cannot leave my bed for two weeks every month.  For me it is catamenial (due to your period.)  Moreover, for lucky me, it is both when I get my period and ovulate.

Dropping the med cold turkey completely messed with my hormones for the first month, June.  I was wondering if it would continue into July.  No.  I got my period.  First Blitz Attack!!!  I had no damn clue.  Other than the fact I eventually figured it felt like I was dealing with both the TASE problems, and the withdrawal at the same time.

Fast forward a couple of weeks or so.  Where I kind of am now.  As bloody awful as it’s been (and maybe still is?) I never would have figured it out.  Triple Whammy.  The breakthrough seizures are now back with the TASE.  I can now definitely distinguish the TASE from the withdrawal, that I am still dealing with.

The breakthrough seizures this time? A Simple partial in my legs before going to sleep one night, waking up after having a tonic-clonic another night, and this is something I have NEVER had to do in my life! It’s a good thing I have two? That would be Wonder Cane and his brother.  A damn good thing I just happened to have both by my bed!

I had to get up and go to the bathroom the other night.  I grabbed Wonder Cane’s brother (he was the closest.)  Oh, holy hell.  Even though I was barely awake and totally out of it, my brain was screaming: “Todd’s paresis!!! Todd’s paresis!!! I’m gonna go down like a tonne of bricks and be shattered all over the floor!!!” I grabbed Wonder Cane.

I found it a very strange feeling to have to walk with two canes.  A lot of people can tend to use canes wrong.  Or maybe “backwards” is a better way to say it.  You use the cane to support, or “in place of,” your injured leg.  When you walk, the cane is placed alongside that leg.  Well, here I am trying to get two canes going and coordinated with near paralytic legs! I still think it’s pretty amazing I didn’t end up shattered all over the damn floor!

I suspect that may have been a tonic-clonic, as well.  I don’t get Todd’s that like that with any of my other seizures (i.e. so severe and bilaterally.)  This led me back to those two weeks before.  When on my period, some odd, yet illegible writing on a notepad.  That would have been a Complex Partial.


  1. Hello!

    I’ve only recently been reading your blog, but I have to say I echo some of your sentiments! Particularly this one, where you talk about having the memory of a goldfish (forget something after five minutes). I do that, all the time. It’s exhausting particularly at work.

    Anyway, I hope you’re doing ok. Getting back on your feet, so to speak.
    Stay safe!


  2. I’m back in Ontario if you think meeting up would help. I’d sure enjoy it. Don’t have to though, if that would make things worse!


  3. Pennies



  4. Hi destroythequeen. Welcome to the land of…”Destroy PAs Brain.” How does that sound?

    Seriously, though. I meant to come by and thank you for subscribing (now that will destroy the Queen!) and the blogroll. I’m very flattered.

    Funny about the feet. Do you like wordplay? Oh, PA loves it! I’m guessing you might from your About Page? Rather Literary?

    I lost one of my fellow bloggers who could spar like the best of them. Well, he’s still around, but unfortunately due to his life situation at the moment, we aren’t in contact so much. Yes, let all of our lives improve.

    So, back to where I started. When I finish these comments, I will blogroll you. Or try to remember to do it. My blogroll needs some serious housecleaning, though. What a mess.

    Hi Canageek. It would be good to see you, and especially if it would make you happy. *feels all squishy inside*

    I can’t really travel on my own, though. For long distances I need to be in a car. I suppose if it were a really dire necessity, I would take transit alone, but best not at this point. We could sit on my patio?

    Why don’t you email me your details. There’s some other stuff going on right now that is very complicated, completely explosive, and totally unpredictable. I’m stuck in the middle (no surprise, same thing last time!) That business may take me further into August–however, I won’t be totally inflexible. If anything, we may have to pick another day because something has come up

    I’m going to post about it today. Well, try? Still may be recovering from idiotic migraine. Had three since all of this Clobazam shit started. Gee, thanks brain and weather.

    Hi Pennies. You are such a sweetheart. It really means so much in the way that you’ve been “tracking me.”

    You show up whenever I post something about the condition I’m in, what’s going on. And even if it’s just as above: *hugs* Well, it doesn’t even matter. Write a book in my Comment Section, write a few letters, anything in between! It’s all good. That goes for everyone else reading my blog, as well!

      NOTE: AND A GREAT, BIG FAT ONE TOO!!! Just because I am writing these things to Pennies, it does NOT, IN ANY WAY, DIMINISH how much it means to me if you don’t post on my blog.

    Plus, I should have blogrolled you a long time ago, as well. So, now? I’m doing it!

    Stupid Blogroll! Stupid Me! Blogs gone, need PW, I don’t have person’s email to ask! I’ve become a “Blog Hoarder” as I have come across so many. I can’t keep up! Then maybe a good fit for the ‘roll? It’s a damn good thing FF doesn’t have a limit on Bookmarks!

    *hugs you back*

    Apologies, all. I am extremely sleep deprived and feel like the world is not real. But not in any dissociative way. Ditto hallucinatory as I don’t hallucinate.

    I’m just verbose–world real or not real. I mean, look at my responses. *sleepy wry grin*


  5. Dear PA,

    Yes I do like wordplay. I love everything about words! Except when people intentionally misspell things. That infuriates me.
    Anyway, I’m not sure if you’d be best to read my blog or not, it might actually Destroy PA! And I wouldn’t want to be the one who destroyed you!



  6. Hi destroythequeen. Sorry for the delay but still pretty sick. A lot of “waking up and guessing” types of days are remaining. Maybe not so many, but I can still get easily confused after all this time, so there you go?

    Aha! Another word whore like me! Fabulous! Also, I think I’ll be fine reading your blog. Also again, you’re still here so I am assuming you feel “safe” in this environment. *grins*


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