Archive for February, 2012

Pure fun.

“A League Of Notions” by Al Stewart

Hey kids.  My Internet problems have reached epic proportions.  I REFUSE to use my Data Stick from my current provider anymore.  Things have gone from bad to worse.  And I mean worse.

The very first thing I will be doing is visiting a Mac shop.  I went to this one before, and they were very good.  They are small and not like the bigger “Authorized Apple Dealers.”  In fact, when I was there several years ago, they said hang on to your receipt.  We’ll give you 50% off…  I can’t remember, but if something’s wrong, 50% off anything is great!

There’s also my battery problem that is outstanding.  Hmmm.  Well, whatever.  My battery takes a back seat to this!

I wrote this post earlier when I was already pretty pissed off.  I didn’t even get into all of the problems in it.  There were too many!

Initially, they were mostly just annoying (endless hangs, multiple refreshes, slow…slow…slow…)  Then it just kept sinking further into technology hell.

Dropping connections altogether, completely non-functional with gmail (gmail?) period.  Even to the point of losing information within emails.  I had to copy everything to paste it later, as things wouldn’t save as a draft properly! At least later I found out that my phone caught all the drafts! However, not so convenient to use your phone when you’ve got a lengthy email to send!

I have NEVER seen so many spinning beach balls in my life.  Before using the Data Stick? No problems.  It would get to points where I would have to first, restart baby MacBook.  Then, I had to shutdown baby MacBook! Every single thing would freeze.  No choice but to hold down the damn power button and pray.  I couldn’t even Force Quit anything running! HI BEACH BALL!!!

I cannot tell you how many times I nuked the software for it, reinstalled, took the SIM card out.  In the midst, verify/repair baby MacBook’s Disk.  Hell! I even went through all Permissions! I can’t read or understand any of what it said, but…



I later turned on baby MacBook to do something else and was not connected to the Internet at all.  When I logged on, what did I see? O_o  All the folders on my Desktop (and I had a lot of them) were completely scattered in disarray! They were all on top of each other.  You couldn’t even read the names of some.  I didn’t move or even blink for a very long time.

Oh, but that wasn’t all.  What’s up with my screen? Why are there two black bars running up and down each side? At that point, I wanted to scream in horror!!!


I tried to fix things as best I could.  I am FAR from a techie.  I searched for ages, vowing to find any other piece of shit to delete, apart from the basic software required for the Data Stick.  I did find something.  I have no idea how.

Things still aren’t right though.  Again, more Disk Utility…how many times have I…?

So basically, I have no clue when I’ll be here.  Heh.  That’s usually my state of mind in life anyway. *wry grin*

Seriously.  I’m zipping along with the free Wi-Fi a block away from my place.  I’m going to have to find a new provider.  Also, I can’t get out every day.  I’m still sick! My phone’s fine.  I’ll see all of you there.  You just may not be able to see me back.

Well, somehow I can connect to the Internet today when I actually had NO connection yesterday.  Just when I felt like I had enough energy to tackle a few things online…nope! Now, I’m up and running (so far) but I have to dash out to an appt. soon.  So I’ll try to at least get this up quickly.  Uber-importante? Then I’ll try and get back to other people.

Last night, there was a documentary on television about individuals who had lost their twins.  It was also about fraternal twins.  I’ve always had this “feeling” I was a frat.  I had no clue, but thank my beautiful friend P. who found out about it a few days ago and told me.  Oh, I’m so happy he told me and I saw it (and kind of not?) Ouch.

No, happy.  It wasn’t just about a twin that died later in life, but a twin that died in utero!!! That’s my situation!!! They are now trying to do more research about it, as hardly any has been done! It’s been totally neglected.  Ouch again! And a bad pun.

I tried to contact my mother to tape it as my VCR is all messed up.  I have so many pieces of electronics tethered and daisy chained all over to everything, and now this Digital Cable Box! I’ve never even tried to tape anything with it anyway, so it could be incapable period.  I can’t record a DVD on either my regular or All Region one. *rolls eyes*  Since I had no Internet, I couldn’t even look up anything about it either!

I tried to take notes with my broken brain as I watched.  However, some people were not speaking in English so there were subtitles.  Great.

Read, try to think, then look down at paper with a pen.  Although, now you’ve just forgotten what the point was altogether.  Improvise? Guess? Oh, crap! The person’s still talking! You’ve missed more of the subtitles! Time to do this all over again!

I did catch a couple of very important names (but missed another!) One was a writer to do with it all, I think.  It stated the title of the documentary beside her name.  The other? Oh, this Dr./Professor who has done so much research into all of this!

Now that I have Internet access, I am Googling these two women.  Ouch for the third time.

My appt. today should be just joyful, cute baby kittens, and a really festive occasion! Ah, I’m in therapy, folks.  That’s another post I’ve been meaning to write! *head desk 45 times then moves on to walls* Partly this Internet (beyond) fiasco, but much more than partly–me being too sick.

So, that’s that.  Unbelievable.  I NEVER would have found out what I’m learning if I didn’t see that show.  As ouchie as it may be, that’s where therapy comes in.  It’s biggest purpose is to deal with our “ouchies.”  But with me, I was thinking of my particular case.  How will this work out with all my comorbidities in some of what was said? Ouch #4!

I don’t know what to say right now but simple facts? Lots of seizures and lots of ironic seizures.

Seizing before, during, and after being picked up for Accessible Transit.  You’d think that would be enough.  Nope.

I seized two days ago, right before I was going to open the door to one of my doctor’s building.


Whoa.  A bit of seizing while being driven on Accessible Transit.  Then a bit of worsening seizing in the office of Non-Arsey Neuro’s before my appt.  Then, I DARE YOU!!! I began to feel a couple of small, myoclonic jerks in my right leg.  This has been a very serious problem over the last while.


It was a dare I knew I’d lose.  Whether I dared my legs to seize or not to seize.  And the way my legs have been seizing lately, the intensity of the motor movement? I knew I was in for it.  I was cooked.

It’s actually better if I’m standing up when this happens, if you can believe it.  Lean against something, cane in hand, then I can see if it’s going to affect the rest of my body and how.  In the waiting room, I was sitting down.  In a rather uncomfortable plastic chair.

Well, my legs didn’t let me down! Sorry about that.  Bad, bad epilepsy joke there.  First, the right, then not so much the left.  Then up it rose (as it usually does these days.)  God, that chair! My hip was killing me, but what about the wall?

I was going so hard I kept banging the damn chair against the wall! Several doctors work there and I think one is a Pediatrician.  This woman was there with her kid, and if I had a chance, I just may have caught what seemed like an expression of sheer horror on her face.  Charming.

Well, the obvious outcome of the appt. was to increase the Clobazam from 80mg to 100mg per day.  We talked about other things obviously, as he almost carried me into his office.  The first thing I did was ask him for some water as I thought a Valium would be good right about now!

Also, I confirmed it.  I caught it.  I’ve had the first Absence Seizure that I’ve ever known of (you lose consciousness.)  That loss of consciousness is so brief, it can go undetected in so many people.  The “test” if you’ve “lost time?” Were you daydreaming or not? I was not!

I was thinking of something, and then just “popped” back into…the world…from…? And I couldn’t even remember what I was even thinking about.  It wasn’t my DP/DR as it comes in and out gradually.  This was like I entirely disappeared from the world and at some point, came back, knew where I was but had no idea how I got there or where I had been before.

Well, better scoot.  I think the Todd’s paresis is coming on.  Legs definitely heavy.  Oh, yeah.

No, I was! Make a decent post? That was after I could move.  I think it took about two hours.  Maybe longer?

I wasn’t completely paralyzed.  But Todd’s paresis can be a weakening to any degree, right up to complete paralysis.  It occurs in the area of the body affected after a seizure.  I’ve been all the way from some minor loss of motor control for a short period, right up to total paralysis for a few hours.

But I was gonna write a post.  I have ideas for them.  Even a good one after what happened today?

Another seizure while waiting for the Accessible Transit to arrive! That’s TWO TIMES now.  I do not want this to become a pattern.  I mean, what gives?

It was a full body explosion, too! I was really going! Hence the Todd’s being pretty bad.  Coming home, I was walking so slowly, my feet were all twisted inward, my legs were so heavy, you could hear my footsteps as stomps!

So, inside, lie down on the bed, dope myself up, try not to think and relax (some good music for that?) But I found it SO hard to move! Then, I thought, let’s try to make that post.  Wow! I could actually sit up! The Todd’s was affecting me from the neck down, but as it descended it got worse.  My legs were a mess.  Now, shall we try crawling walking to the bathroom? I was consuming immense quantities of water as Gravol can really dehydrate you.

So here I am, making a post about not making the post I was going to post, because of what prevented that post from being posted.  Just so you know, the post that should have been posted and not have been replaced by this post, was about how my epilepsy has affected me.  And no.  Not how it makes me sick.  About my life.

And no.  It probably wouldn’t have been written in ridiculous run on sentences, interspersed with others of only a few words.  I’m just doing that here because I think it’s funny.  You may not.

But it took me over an hour to respond to two people.  At least that must mean my vision is coming back somewhat?  However, the Todd’s is still hanging on! My walking is pretty disastrous.

I’m not a Stats Whore.  Far from it.  However, I logged on today to delete my mounting Spam.  The more days I am away, it actually reaches three digit levels! And with the problems due to my ISP, maybe if the speed is okay, I can get them all done within a normal person’s workday.

Numbers.  Yes.  Where I originated.  I looked and I saw I reached over 200,000.  So, thank you everyone.

It’s even more of a feat to roll the odometer that much right now.  I’ve been trying to drive this broken down, lemon, and there’s not been much success in a long time.  Hell, I think I’m some sort of broken down, piece of fruit, at this point too.

Nonetheless, thanks for getting me to 200,000.  It also makes me happy because I have a strong affinity for round numbers.  Probably an Aspie thing. *nods*

NOTE: My ISP is moldy fruit! I had to make a small change it it took me about a half hour! NO connection at some points!

Indeed.  Yes.  Oui.  Whatever.

I’m not entirely sure, but my charming states of Typical Absence Status Epilepticus, may be lasting even longer than they did in the beginning.  Before I was ever treated.  Before I even figured out that I had it.

Back then, it was 6-7 days.  Reviewing my obsessive diligent note taking, I am now seeing a 9 day pattern.  That does not bode well, as it leaves fewer days of any “wellness” in between.

That is because it’s catamenial, if any of you don’t know.  That means regarding your menstrual cycle.  However, it can also mean when you ovulate.  The two make a charming couple, don’t you think?

I’ve written so much about this, my regular readers probably have my cycle for both memorized! Well, don’t worry about me getting pregnant, folks.

One, I’m not having sex.  Two, I’m gay and don’t sleep with men.

I’m calling Non-Arsey Neuro tomorrow for an appt.  I’ve (finally and painfully) gotten around to enter half of January’s information.  I built a hopefully, if not remotely, understandable template.  Then, I get out a highlighter for the really serious stuff.  We last saw each other in mid-October.

I say “finally and painfully” as I can’t figure out if things have changed somehow else in January.  I am extremely exhausted every day.  I’m not kidding.  To the degree where I can’t even pick up the phone to make a simple call! The word “Decompensation” keeps going around and around in my head.  Maybe I’m just tired? We’re moving into the 9th month of this now.  It could be both? One thing I do know is that it’s not good.

The psychiatric and psychological? The cognitive? The ongoing seizures? *rolls eyes* It’s a package deal, guys.

So, yes.  I can’t remember if I’ve told you anything regarding that or who knows what! I have the memory of a goldfish?

Why do people say that? Have there ever been any peer reviewed studies to test memories of goldfishes? I think not! One practical problem, however.  Who the hell could make a whack of electrodes that small!

Anyway, I may sound somewhat “Compos Mentis” but Aspie Penguin is putting most of this together.  If I had more energy, I’d be so spazzy, that I would be Non Non Non Compos Compos Compos Mentis Mentis Mentis!!!

So I streamed a song on MP3 of the Moment.  I was going to try to do more here, get to Twitter business, but whoa…I’m sorry kids.

“Super Cool Wagon” by Sons Of Freedom

I went the furthest out on my own today. Yes, alone, not in a car, accessible transit…fucking blah, blah.

I had necessary things to do which meant no choice, so also sort out my ISP and computer problems? Guess what.

My data stick was fucked (yes, I knew that, thank you very much.)  But the loaner? OMG. The same. I refuse to believe this is a Mac problem.

Now I’m sitting in my local cafe/pub that has free Wi-Fi. Guess what again. *tries one more time*

Oh! Well, will every wonder we ever wonder about cease to give us migraines? I refuse to believe that as well. At least I have the Wi-Fi here now.

But they’re closing in a half hour. *head desk* Sending this via my phone sucks.