No.  Not that word.  Although, not so offensive to the Scots.  “What the fuck ya doss…”

No cause for alarm! Unfortunately, you may still be alarmed. I’ve been going over this for some time with a few outlets.  I can’t always to get to them and…I’m going out of my mind? Blog? Scream it out to the entire world as an outlet?

The “C” word.  Cancer.  But not confirmed! However, my gastro problems have worsened to a degree, that indicates some possible problems in that area.  Or at best, some huge Red Flags. 

The resurfacing or my problems are not my regular issues from the past.  They are also getting worse.  I even thought I saw occult blood from my GERD as it shot of my esophagus.  Meaning, more precisely, internal bleeding re: my esophagus.

There’s a lot more to say about this.  In fact, it’s relatively new for me as well–to have all of this happen–so fast.  Also, because it is localized to just my esophagus, not as before, this is again (potentially?) more serious.  Years ago, my signs and symptoms were all over the map.  I will continue to blog about all of this, of course.  So, I have added (no brainer) a new Category: Cancer.

Yes, let’s hope not.  However, there is something else that it could be that is also not very good at all.  I’ll get into the med geeky later.  I can get into family history later, too? PTSD because of that, as well? This is rather messy.

I’ve been trying to keep even, but I won’t even be seeing Gastro Man for about a month.  That will be just be a chat.  Then we need to approach testing, booking the gastroscopy, and hell, he may even want to do another colonoscopy.  Let’s hope not as I am in enough pain that won’t stop, and the prep for a colonoscopy is extremely brutal.

But PA not keeping so even.

I was thinking the other day, am I afraid? I felt sort of numb.  Then I had enough sense (or a tiny bit of something) rose to the surface.  Yes.  I am afraid.  Why, I can’t pinpoint.  Definitely, PTSD.  A lot of explaining there.  My current life situation? My health as it is? Oh, bugger.  Separate thoughts, but more PTSD.

Psychological? Can any of you see how this is building? I’m still struggling with losing the Clobazam for the Typical Absence Status Epileptics.  It’s been a full year now and some improvement slowly.  But I’m still seizing and my moods are yet precarious at times.  Not to mention, when I read some things from months ago, all of these symptoms etc. were in existence.

I don’t (and have never) considered myself a hypochondriac.  Much worse, a cyberchondriac! No.  I’m a med geek who has enough knowledge to research the fuck out of anything and apply it to my own body–and knowing my own body.  Let’s not forget, I was going to pursue a career in medicine too, right?

So, I can do the the “Yes, No, Maybe So, Dance.”  I can also twirl around and say, “Hell, I don’t think so.”  Pretty far a stretch even if…

Any type of Gastric Cancer has an extremely high mortality rate.  Most people think that lung cancer is the biggie.  Nope.  Surprise.  And not a good surprise.  Sorry, guys.

  1. Agnes Reid

    Patient Anonymous, I want to tell you I think your incredible. You deal with so much pain and medical issues and you deal well with it. I think you are a very intelligent persons from reading your posts. I went through numerous types of seizures with my husbands condition and know your pain and the issues that come from them. My husband was not as fortunate as you it took his life and mine so to speak he literally my other half or rather more than my other half “soulmate”. Keep up your strength, attitude and your incredible abilities. You are so strong and I think you inspire me. I


  2. Hi Agnes Reid. It’s been a while since you left this for me, but I read it when I first got it. Hey for mobile phones!

    It made me cry. A lot. Hard to read a computer screen through tears, you know?

    I’m speechless at so much you’ve written. I guess all I can say is “Thank you.” And *hugs*

    I’m saddened to hear about your husband, but if this may provide any solace, at least he died with you by his side. With you; someone who loved him so much, and he knew that.

    It can be painful when people die alone. With nobody else there to let them know that they are loved. So, perhaps that was the very best thing you could do in the end. Never stop loving him and never stop letting him know you loved him.

    Thanks again hon,


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