Archive for June 30th, 2012

A funny phrase from my ex-friend J.  It was always hauled out in reference to things being “broken” that were so necessary, but rendered useless.  This always resulted in pure frustration.  Construction work being done that screwed up any way of travelling.  Renovations of stores that people needed where there were no alternatives within reach.  You get it.

Well, my blog? Maybe not “Under Destruction.”  “Under Construction?” “Under Malfunction?” Yes.  I like that one.

My blog is forthwith: Under Malfunction

But bugger me! Comments! Twitter! I still haven’t…  I want to say yes, as always I will get back to you, but what if I can’t? Every single one of you who I haven’t responded are still so important.  I will try.  Very hard.

What this post is about is that I need to leave.  Who the hell knows for how long? But it’s the cancer.  Or strong possibility of it.  Or Barrett’s Esophagus that is pretty freaky, but a little bit better (just a very little bit, perhaps?)

Could it be nothing? Well! A whole chicken coop of eggs on my face! Still, I wouldn’t complain.  All the chickens could shit over my entire body to boot!

I even ‘fessed up to my mom whose father died of it, and she then went off the deepest end of immeasurable mental insanity within five minutes.  Well, I guess if you can deal with your daughter trying to top herself, ending up in the ICU for three days, yet still coming out of it, is cancer such a big deal? I just about fell to the floor from her “non-reaction.”  Okay.

So I’m a bit messed up.  There are days when I’m good, even great.  Yes, while still pondering this and my life, my mortality.  Tonight? Not so.

I’m starting to disclose to a hell of a lot more people, some I barely know.  I don’t fucking care.  I told a bunch tonight.  I do care for them, but FYI.  This is the deal if I start bursting into tears for no reason.  Yeah?

Looking up at the sky earlier after the sun had set, I kept telling myself, “I refuse to waste a minute, no, not even a second of my life from this point on.  No.”  I kept saying it over and over in my head.  How do I do that?

I’m still nuts, totally batshit crazy, and an epileptic nightmare.  Perhaps that’s why my blog needs to go Under Malfunction.