Archive for August 14th, 2012

So, here’s the deal with this rather fun adventure.  More “adventure/s” to come?

I’m feeling selfish and guilty about a lot of fucking things right now.  Things that are important to me (this blog included.)  Yes, yes, my health comes first, but try explaining that to my head.  My brain doesn’t work that way–even though my body ends up convincing it that it does–because my body just gives up.  Period.  But I am on the mend.  I think?

I went back to hospital, called Emergency Services as I was getting sicker.  Back into Isolation!

There were other things I had neglected to tell them.  More falls I didn’t mention (one that resulted in some urinary incontinence as I was going to the bathroom in the night!) Massive memory loss, as well.  Feelings of Neuropathy (damage to nerves in certain places of the brain.)

I had numbness and tingling in my face from my nose down to my chin.  Then, one night, some in my left forearm that went from numbness to pain.  More pain? Tendons can just “pop” or get damaged in other ways.  I was in pain with certain joints.  A lot of issues besides, but some weren’t even mentioned under the “Extremely Rare” category.  Well, that’s me!

When I got home from hospital from the first Isolation round, I took a fall on the floor and had no idea how it happened. I was putting on jammies, unpacking, taking my meds, getting ready for bed.  The next thing, I found my kitchen step stool opened when it was closed, and me lying on the floor below it.  No clue, no memory, nothing.  Can you say concussion?

Because I had a bit of a bump on my bean and some bruising around one of my eyes.  But glasses area good thing! They have been for me, as mine are very solid.  They’ve absorbed the impact of my falls first, before my head has! *laughing*  No, I’m serious!

Anyway, back to what is/was “wrong” with me.  Side effects of the medication prescribed.  Which could very well be true.  On my long list of problems, there were some under the “Rare” category.  This drug is like, I don’t know! Some kind of missile, to kill whatever is killing you.  That said, because it made me so sick, recovery time could be very slow.

However, I never received an actual “diagnosis!” What the hell made me so sick in the first place, and what happened? What’s going on with my body?

From what it treats, I don’t think I had the most serious two: plague and anthrax.  Nobody is dropping like flies all over the place, and I don’t think I dispelled one of largest Urban Myths when I went to pick up my mail a few weeks ago.  So, perhaps an extremely intense, over-the-top, near-death Pneumonia? Which it does treat–but you must have to be pretty bad off to have them give it to you?

I hate to complain folks but I’ve been bedridden in some way since LAST JUNE.  I’m getting a little tired (bad pun) of this.  I know it seems counterintuitive for me to post, rather than do Twitter stuff and comments.  Throwing up posts and writing like this is easier.  The others require more thought.  My brain tends to run out of steam.  I want to do things correctly.  If that makes any sense.  Because I want to make sense!

Since I am basically immobile, my mom and her husband picked me up.  Her husband has cancer so he’s up and down.  But kind of up right now to make the trip.  A bit of a drive to my place.  Oh, this is priceless.  I got a hysterical call from my mother saying she “She needed me!” just as I was about to call Emergency Services.  Well, not what I needed to hear at the time but I can understand.

I think she’s keeping me captive here too.  She wants me around as it’s a nice break from her own insanity.  I guess being here is okay.  I don’t know how I feel about it really.

I’ve said this before.  I’ve never had a mother because she was so mentally ill.  I had to parent my parents.  A soon I became an adult, I said, “Fuck it!” and got outta dodge.

I now have a mother.  After never having one.

It’s been that way since this last year and a half.  I don’t know if being so sick trumps my PTSD while staying here or not.  I’m also sitting in another in another room listening to the both of them talk…overstimulation? I don’t know what to do.

OH.NO.  Unexpected visitors just arrived.  This day might be blown, we still have to do more things, I didn’t bring enough Clobazam. *hangs head and now longs for peace and quiet*