Archive for January, 2013


I have a writing assignment.  A lot of negotiating and back and forth over the last two days.  I WIN!!!

Meaning: I get what I write published the way I want it to be.  As well as the way the publisher wishes on their side.  That’s fine.  As long as my words stay in tact, I’m a Happy Little Writery PA.

However, I didn’t win 100%.  Nobody ever does.  With anything. Ever.  In life.

What I have to write about is 1,000,000,000,000,000 words long. I was told a 400 word count. *huge head desk*  No way.  Unhappy Little Writery PA!

Minor Win! I can write over 400 words! But they never gave me another number.  Confused Little Writery PA… *head spinning*

Major Loss!!! I’ve got about two weeks to put these 1,000,000,000,000,000 words into something not too far over 400 words. I also have to toss in some major, heavy handed “ATTACKS(!)” on The System.  Oh, boy.  More than I initially thought.

I haven’t even started.  Tomorrow I’ll begin my basic research and framework.  Exhausted Little Writery PA.

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I was going to write this earlier today.  SNAOK? Can you figure that one out? Yes, you can.  You are all smart.

I want to try and keep things as stable(?) and functional(?) as much as I can around here as possible.  The same goes for Twitter, too. That is until I might completely lose my entire mind and body simultaneously.  This is all regarding the post I wrote yesterday.

The nightmare has begun.

I kept inserting that in the post between pieces of information.  I am not lying.  It is and will be a nightmare.  Worse, actually?

Perhaps I’ll get lucky and it will be a brief nightmare.  I’ll wake up so scared that I’ve pissed and shit my pyjamas, but it’s alright. I’ve got my Clobazam back.  Clothes can always be washed.

However, has the nightmare begun with something else? Mind-Body Connection?

I am presumably within the next Typical Absence Status Epilepticus phase–my body is speaking to me.

This always happens.  I feel better when I wake up and get going. But I then deteriorate as the day goes on.  The stress of this made something funny happen, I think.  Well, curiously, oddly funny.

I was talking to a friend who is going to help me with grocery shopping today (how the hell am I gonna manage…) At first, I was speaking alright.  But as I continued, I started to become almost incoherent.  At some points I could barely speak at all!

He’s the first person who has EVER been a witness to how quickly things change when I get sick.  And that was nothing! That was just me talking! Not even close to everything else that goes on! Moreover, I haven’t even lost the med (yet?) That was just the stress “talking.”


The nightmare has begun.

I subscribe to an online newsletter from an Epilepsy Organization. Thus, it is “forsooth.” Two weeks ago there was a great big “WARNING” like in my title, except in their title, things continued in upper case.  I would have been a fool to try and hope with all strength and power that this wouldn’t happen–but I am a fool and I did hope.

The nightmare has begun.

Exactly like a year and a half ago.  June 2011.  The suppliers could not get my Clobazam into any pharmacies–or at least not enough of it.  I need it to treat my Typical Absence Status Epilepticus.  The supply chain went dry and I had to quit cold turkey.  It damn near killed me and I’m still trying to recover.  A year and a half later.

The nightmare has begun.

First Step.  Work with Non-Arsey Neuro.  We came up with the most pathetic strategy IF this happened all over again.
Second Step.  Call my pharmacy to see what’s happening on their end. I did today as I’m due for all of my refills.

The nightmare has begun.

My pharmacy is already screwed by the suppliers.  However, for at least the next month (of my new script) they have enough in stock. Or so they said.  I only have a month’s supply in my bathroom right now.  Last month’s.

The nightmare has begun.

I contacted my old pharmacy who basically held my hand through the hell of losing it before.  They don’t see a problem…yet? They are going to try and start ordering as much as they can, as fast as they can, and set it aside for me.  However, the supply chain could disappear within days just like it did before.  They’re going to keep me constantly aware of everything just like last time.  And vice versa.

My current pharmacy is not that loving and caring.  Fat chance.  If they run out of it and can’t get more? That’s it. They can keep trying but obviously I will probably have run out of it by then.

Thus?

The nightmare has begun.

I’m so unbelievably scared right now.  If I lose this a second time? The results could be devastating.  I’m not trying to sound like a Drama Queen.  I’m actually being very serious.

The nightmare has begun.

Every other Anticonvulsant other than what I’m on (and what I’ve tried) will make it worse.  Except for two.  Two that I’ve never tried and who knows? Plus, a very whacked out drug that treats a shitload of other things, but it still could be tried. Along with the shitload, there is an indication for catamenial epilepsy. However, could I actually convince a Neurologist to go that far?

I’ve been crying all day while trying to “problem solve.”  VALIUM!!!

Gravol too, as I felt like I’ve been going to puke up (and out) my entire gastro system.  Actually, time for more? I’m about to start crying again and barf…

My sleep’s gonna be a mess, but sorry! Take one more Valium than prescribed? Just for today?

So yeah.  This place and everywhere else I am, may get exponentially, seriously, more fucked up.  Because I will be.

Ah, I’ll add all of my diagnostic Categories as they got exponentially, seriously more fucked up when I lost my Clobazam the first time.


I would like to say something about the prior and original post (obviously Part I.)  That may seem very obvious to you.  However, a lot of times I have to work very hard to make things obvious to me.

The post appeared on my blog on Monday, January 13, 2013. And for those of you who are curious, we only have 28 days in February this year.  Not a “Leap Year” as it is referred to.

Yes.  I know.  Someone once bestowed upon me this Royal Title: “The Queen of Non Sequiturs.”  I am the Queen of many other things as well.  Just not any of the four in a deck of cards.

Moving on, I chose to add my Category of “Asperger’s” to it.  That was because it was supposed to be funny; just like I added my “Humour” Category as well.

In no way did I mean to suggest that people with Asperger’s or anyone else on the Spectrum sit around looking like I do in that photograph.  People with Asperger’s, and those that lie anywhere on the Spectrum, are capable of doing many wonderful things. Instead of looking like that.

Maybe that’s just how I look a lot of the time.

I do have a lot of facial stims and funky behaviour there.  I am extremely fond of putting pens in my mouth while working on baby MacBook or anything else where I need them simultaneously. I keep such a hard grip on them, it would appear I’m going to chomp off its middle third. Then, I would shove it straight into my mouth and eat it ravenously. I would look exactly like a lion, who’s finally found its prey after a month.

I won’t bother getting into other things I do with my face, involving my hands, and sometimes even not! I’ll get a certain prompt and… Hey, maybe a good blog post later. Oops.  My writing served as a prompt and kind of brought “The Queen” back.

Nonetheless, I apologize to any of us, all of us, on the Spectrum.  I in no way meant to portray you as completely and totally mindless idiots.  I only meant to portray myself as one–because I truly am.

Most sincerely,
“The Queen of Completely and Totally Mindless Idiots.”
Also, “The Queen of Bizarre and Twisted Humour.”
And much, much more.
PA


Ahhh…huhhh…

Well...uh...yeah?

Well…uh…yeah?


Yes, I’m an arsey, little twat but I’m stubborn until I can get answers! And I got it.  I knew it all along since how a “particular” liquor is made and its contents.

VODKA!!!

No, it was always in the back of my mind.  And tonight I pushed it.  No, I really did.  Arsey, little, stubborn twat.  But I do want to figure this out and make sure of what’s going on before I see Sweetie GP.  Is that just a pathetic excuse or actually valid?

Right now I feel about as sober as a judge who in way days back forgot to put on those dusty, white wigs.  Today? I feel about as sober as a judge who forgot to put their pants on.

But I don’t feel sick!

However, that does not to mean I’m going to start running around like a mad woman chugging back vodka all over the place.  Even if it may not look it, I do consider it a matter of my health.  Just what is going on here that never happened before?

So I’ll try to get more on the ball with more intelligent posts, all of you Twitter gangs and comments and yeah? When I’m more sober. *laughing quite a lot*


PRE-RAMBLE: I’m out of my head.  I hope you can be patient. It’s been taking me a long while.  Midst way through I’ve only now realized I need music.

And a cigarette.

Good luck reading.  Thanks.

I think I might have mentioned this somewhere.  Twitter or a blog comment within the Detox posts.  Yes. posts, I think.

Think.

Think.

Think.

Drink.

Drink.

Drink.

Allergies are funny (or not.)  If you have one and you’re lucky, it’ll go away.  Vanish out of thin air. If you’re just you, pick a card, any card.  Random.  Yes or no? Will you get nailed?

If you’re unlucky? You can get one.  And it could be BAD! It could move around all over the place.

There are ones that are silent, at first. They can hide and grow. Almost sitting a cave and just waiting for the right opportunity. Maybe it won’t grow if you’re exposed again.  You’ll be fine.

Or maybe it will and you’ll be fucked.

At least I’m lucky enough to not have a prior reaction to a bee sting, get stung again and go anaphylactic shock.  Yes.  That can happen.  Although I did have a minor reaction to a bee sting so I freak out if one comes near me!

If you didn’t read the Detox posts, I’ve developed an allergy or intolerance (as I wrote semantically irrelevant) to beer–or maybe something in it.  So did that mean just beer or all alcohol, together?

I started experimenting with a bit of red wine lately.  I felt okay.

Fuck.  I had some tonight and I feel SO SICK.  Just like the beer made me feel.  I want to die.  I’d barf if I could but a) I’m Emetophobic and b) my brain is too confused to comprehend throwing up, and if you can believe it c) my gastro system is even more confused.  It has no clue how to throw up at all.

Right now, I have taken no meds to try and treat this.

More exposure.  To an allergen or whatever you wish.  I don’t think I can ever drink again.

God, now I have to figure out what to do with myself! *laughing* Gravol! Ibuprophen! Meds! Valium! LOADS OF WATER!!! 

Anything and everything in the arsenal.  Stop typing.  Enough computer screen.

Okay, now. Med-in-di-cation. I’ve shoved everything down my throat.  I even poured enough water to do it, I spilled it all over myself! I have one more pill in reserve.  My Valium that is a bid prn.  You can bet your ass I’m going to use it after trying to chill with some music.

In some way, I kind of had a feeling that this would be this case. I’ll call it Bad Karma for now?