How gmail Saved My Life
I just received one of those emails where it tells you to forward it to people and blah, blah, blah… My cousin sent it to me.
Immediately upon receipt of these emails in any form, I lose all bodily senses except my ability to hear. What do I hear? The eloquence and linguistic beauty of Monty Python: “…Spam!Spam!Spam!Spam!…” If you have no idea what I am talking about, Google it.
They always receive an automatic delete, except this one was a quiz. Sometimes I do the quizzes just to see what bullshit they contain and how fucking ridiculous they are. On occasion, at least I’ve been able to extract approximately 0.000000000mL of amusement from them.
Well, the good ol’ Typical Absence Status Epilepticus is REALLY doing in my brain right now. Giving me some nice Dr. Martens curbing but I still have all my teeth and I’m still alive too.
So I decided to do a “Reply All.” I wrote a retarded, reads-like-I’m-drinking-cat-piss-while-on-LSD speech. I thought it was humorous so I thought everyone else would as well!
One brain cell left and gmail.
I’ve finally decided to cut off all ties with anyone even remotely connected to non-bio dad’s side of the family. There are only two exceptions: my cousin who sent the email, and his mother who married into the family–divorced, married again etc.
I’d say they can all go to hell but there must be a more evil and disgusting place (even more evil and disgusting than them.) Some place that we humans do not know of. Yet. I say “yet” because it would become known to humans. As soon as the bastards and bitches ended up there!
One slight problem though. The whole goddamn bunch plus their never ending, tainted, inbred progeny would remain locked up inside FOREVER! Thus, we as humans still wouldn’t know it existed.
Long past “Forgive and Forget!” Now? “NEVER Forgive and NEVER Forget!”
Some people may say lots in disagreement to that. “Oh, how terrible a thought.” “That’s not right.” ” What an awful thing to say.”
“They’re only human!”
Thanks for your views on the matter but there’s far too much to say in retort! However, I will certainly say they do a wonderful job pretending they’re human!
gmail. I am SO thankful for it and now even grateful for it! The “Undo Send” Feature!
I hit “Send” and by some miracle(?) I realized I knew one of email addresses on the list. Nobody looked familiar before.
The one I saw was his father’s. Who actually played a part in physically abusing me when I was young. In fact, he was the “Ringleader” in getting a bunch of others to go along with it!
I hit “Undo” and looked anywhere, everywhere in a panic for what I had written! It was sitting as a Draft. gmail simply and automagically treated it as if I REALLY didn’t send it at all.
I’d say that’s one definition for the word “relief.”
A bit more relief? Post about my vaccination for Ebola RIGHT NOW! Before I try and sleep.